Harden My Heart
by siophiefandom
Summary: Emily Fields can get along with just about anybody. A notable exception is her crosstown rival, Paige McCullers. When they're thrown together as roommates in the dorms at Stanford, sparks are sure to fly. Will Paige be able to convince Emily that she's not the girl whom Emily knew in high school? Definitely Paily. Eventually.
1. The Summer of Emily

The summer after Emily's freshman year in high school was an eventful one. It was the summer when she went away to swim camp and met the girl who, although Emily couldn't have known it at the time, would change her life.

It was also the summer when she when she came face to face with her sexuality. We'll get to that part of the story. But first things first.

* * *

Emily Fields stood at the entrance to the dining area of the cafeteria, nervously running her thumb back and forth over the edge of her tray as she scanned the room. She hated this: the first day in a new setting. She wasn't antisocial by any stretch of the imagination, but she always found it hard to break the ice; to find her comfort zone amid a sea of strangers. She wished that she could fast forward a couple of days - after all the awkward introductions of herself and the getting-to-know-you chats - to a time when she was already settled in with her new group of friends.

She had been looking forward to camp for months. It was a great opportunity to hone her skills as well as to connect with coaches and swimmers from across the state. Her parents had dropped her off late in the evening the night before, with only enough time to get her checked in and shown her bunk-assignment before lights-out. That morning's practice was good, but it was all business. Lunch at the cafeteria was the first time that she would be forced to meet and interact with her fellow swimmers in a social setting.

Her eyes fell on a girl sitting by herself on the other side of the room: Paige McCullers, the hot-shot swimmer from Western PA who had recently relocated close to Emily's hometown of Rosewood. Emily's coach had met with Paige's father earlier in the spring, when he was looking at schools in the area. Eventually, they settled on Ravenswood High, Rosewood's strongest competition.

Emily had been looking forward to getting to know Paige, so she made her way over to the table where Paige was sitting.

Before Emily could introduce herself, she noticed that Paige was using her fork separate the string beans, corn, peas, and carrots from her mixed vegetables into separate piles on her plate. Emily couldn't hold back a giggle. When Paige glared up at her, Emily jovially said, "I think they're called _mixed_ veggies for a reason!"

Paige stared at her in silence.

 _Okay… We're off to a good start._ "Hi, I'm Emily Fields," Emily said, pressing on in spite of the awkwardness.

"I know how you are," Paige said, her voice not betraying any emotion.

"Sorry – is it okay for me to sit here?" Emily felt that she must have caught Paige at a bad time.

"It's fine," Paige said, pushing the vegetables back into a single group on her plate and covering them with a napkin. She chugged her remaining milk and added coldly, "I was just leaving."

Emily's shoulders lurched forward as soon as Paige left. "Wow."

The next afternoon, the tables were turned, so to speak. Emily was sitting alone at a table with two chairs, reading a book that she had brought to keep her company, when she saw Paige approaching and seeming to be in a better mood.

"Is anybody sitting here?" Paige asked, pointing to the empty chair.

Emily realized that her hunch from the day before had been correct. Paige had been having a bad day, or maybe she had taken the comment about her eating habits the wrong way. Whatever it was, Paige had, apparently, gotten over it, and she had come over to make amends. Emily was delighted to make a fresh start. "Nope!" she replied, smiling enthusiastically.

"Great! Thanks!" Paige grabbed the chair without so much as a smile and took it over to another table where she settled in with another couple of girls – friends from her old school, Emily assumed, or, perhaps, her new school. Her demeanor with them was light and casual, all smiles and giggles; the opposite of what Emily had ever seen of her.

* * *

"Don't let it get to you," Spencer advised her when they talked that night on the phone. "I'm telling you. It's just mind games. She's trying to get into your head."

"Why would she be doing that, Spencer?"

"Because you're the enemy, Em. She's trying to get any advantage that she can. Anything that will keep you off your game when it comes time to swim against you."

"Spencer…"

"Look, I know that you find it difficult to understand, because you don't think that way at all."

It was true. Emily enjoyed swimming for the fun of it. Of course, she wanted to win, but that didn't mean that she couldn't congratulate a rival swimmer when that swimmer swam well, or that she wouldn't give another team's swimmer some tips on how to improve her performance. Why spend all that time in the pool if you didn't enjoy it? And why participate in team sports at all if you couldn't make friends from other schools and other cities? Most people couldn't do what she and Paige did, at the level at which they did it. Shouldn't that be enough of a basis for friendship?

But Spencer had seen first-hand what Paige was like in competition. As the only freshman who earned the right to travel with the field hockey team to the state championships in Harrisburg, she had seen how Paige McCullers made a name for herself with her take-no-prisoners, no-holds-barred approach to competition. "Paige the Rage." They had even named a penalty after her.

"Just be careful," Spencer advised her. "You go around trying to find the good in everyone. But don't bother this time. Trust me. You won't be able to find anything good in Paige McCullers."

* * *

As the seventh-grade school year progressed Emily's friends, one by one, began to find an interest in boys. Soon, their conversations became focused less and less on the group itself, and more on the boys whom the group found attractive. At first, the ones who wanted to talk about boys were in the minority, the rest still pointing out how gross, smelly, and beast-like the guys were. But, little by little, the scales tipped as more and more girls confessed an interest in guys.

Emily grinned and nodded as her friends discussed various boys. She was able to see their attractiveness, even though she never felt anything in particular for any of them. To her, it was like watching elephants in the zoo: Emily could see them as amazing physical specimens, but she didn't want one as a pet, to play and cuddle with as she did with her German shepherd.

Emily always assumed that the attraction to boys would come; that she was simply too involved in other things, as she told her friends, to start chasing after guys. There was her swimming and her academics. She would have to stay on top of both if she hoped to get into Stanford, her dream school. And there was her family. And her friends. She couldn't see giving her heart to anyone else.

But, in the summer after her freshman year, things began to change. Emily could trace its beginnings to one Saturday afternoon at the movies with Hanna. In the middle of the film, Hanna nudged Emily with her elbow and pointed out a couple who were shamelessly making out a couple of rows in front of them. Hanna's attention quickly moved on, but Emily was transfixed. After a while, she realized something, and it scared her: In her mind, she wasn't visualizing herself being kissed by the boy. She was visualizing herself being kissed by the girl.

Emily said very little the rest of the evening with Hanna. She was deep in thought long after Hanna went home, and long after she herself climbed into bed. She wasn't sure what her mind's visualizations meant, or where she stood on the spectrum of gender-attraction. And she wasn't sure how to find out. Was there a test to take? Should she try dating boys? She was pretty sure that Hanna would be willing to kiss her, to help her figure out whether or not she felt anything, but she was also pretty sure that she wasn't attracted to Hanna in that way.

Once that initial realization had come, though, further realizations followed rapidly. She began to recognize the way that her body reacted when she saw certain commercials or certain pictures in magazines, or certain girls around Rosewood who had a kind of swagger or who dressed a certain way.

So Emily was armed with this self-realization, but she didn't know what to do with it.

Emily knew where her parents stood on homosexuality. It was one of those things that she had known since childhood – like the alphabet: She never remembered having learned it; it was just always with her. She knew that her parents didn't condone homosexuality, but that they condone bigotry, bullying, or discrimination against homosexuals, either. So, if Emily came home and told them that her best friend was gay, nothing would change. If, on the other hand, she came home and told them that _she_ was gay, the whole world would change.

Emily knew that she would have to tell them. She would have to tell them at just the right time, when they could discuss it calmly and rationally. And, with her father's National Guard unit deployed, and her mother consequently in a constant state of pins and needles, it was certainly not the right time. Emily decided that she should tell her three best friends first, as a sort of dress rehearsal for the inevitable conversations with her parents and the rest of her family and acquaintances.

The conversation with Spencer, Hanna, and Aria couldn't have gone any better. Emily was affirmed, hugged, and genuinely loved. And, in the weeks that followed, nothing really changed between them and her – except that Hanna's inappropriate comments about Emily and random guys were swapped for inappropriate comments about her and random girls.

Things had gone so well that Emily was really looking forward to the conversation with her parents. She knew that she would have to keep it under wraps for a while longer. There were still three months before her father came home. Emily planned the timing out on her calendar. She would give her parents a few days to reconnect, she would spend a Saturday out in the garage working on the car with her dad, she would tell them that she wanted to make a special dinner, and they would talk. The talk would be a shock, some tears would be shed, but that was unavoidable. As long as Emily stuck to the plan, though, she felt that she could keep the pain, shock, and drama to a minimum.

But there's a funny thing about the way that the world works. Somehow, the more meticulous the plan, and the greater the preparation, the less likely it is that things will go as planned.

Emily's news came out at the worst possible time. She was in the middle of a screaming match with her mother. It had started over something trivial – the music was too loud, and Emily's room was a mess – and soon, their emotions were out of control. Pam said something about how she didn't know who Emily was anymore, and Emily screamed, "That's right! You don't know who I am! I'm _GAY_!"

The word tumbled from Emily's mouth as if in slow motion. It was like watching a priceless Ming vase tumble from its stand, seemingly falling for an eternity before crashing against the tile and shattering into a million pieces, while Pam and Emily looked on, horrified but powerless to stop it. Pam couldn't believe what she had heard. Emily couldn't believe what she had said. Pam buried her face in her hands and ran from the room, crying.

It was a long time before things got back to normal in the Fields household. Pam kept asking herself, and Emily – and God – where she had gone wrong, or what she had done to deserve this. She tried to talk Emily out of it, or to convince her that she just needed to give it more time and the attraction to guys would come. Her mantra became, "Well, let's wait till your father gets back," as if, once Wayne returned, "everything" - meaning Emily - would go back to normal.

* * *

Emily woke up late one night and heard noises in the living room. She crept stealthily down the stairs and came upon her mother, with her legs tucked under her, sobbing softly into a tissue, with a pile of soiled tissues next to her. Emily's first thought was that something had happened to her father, but she realized that Pam would have awakened her immediately, had that been the case. As she stood in the entryway, she saw her mother holding one of Emily's baby pictures, telling it over and over, "Oh, Emmy! Emmy! My Baby!"

Emily was flooded with emotions. On the one hand, it hurt her to see her mother so wounded. But, on the other hand, she herself was wounded that her mother found who she was so disgusting that she was mourning over it.

Emily groaned out loud and turned, walking back up the stairs to her room. Pam, who had never intended for Emily to see that scene, got up quickly and trailed after her. They had it out in Emily's bedroom, with no screaming, but a lot of pacing, a lot of tears, a few hugs, and, finally, the reassurance that Emily wasn't a disappointment to Pam. It was just a sea-change, and Pam needed to figure out how to navigate in these new waters. And Emily was able to accept that; after all, she had needed a few weeks to come to terms with it herself.

Soon, her father was home, and they were working together in the garage again, and Emily was working with her mother in the kitchen again, and, by the time Christmas came around, they were pretty much back to being their normal, happy family again.

* * *

 **A/N - Hello!**

 **This story sprang from a prompt from** **Pll12paily:**

 _ **[Paige and Emily] are high school state swimming rivals but both get scholarships to Stanford university and end up dorming together. They start out enemies but then they start to have feelings for each other.**_

 **I was kind of hesitant, because I've already written Paily as roommates at Stanford, and I didn't know how I could make this one different, once they got together. But then, I got a whole bunch of mini-prompts from thecatfromaliceinwonderland that opened my eyes to some fun things that I could do with the build-up to their relationship.**

 **I sincerely hope that I can do these excellent prompts justice. And I hope that you'll stick around as I give it the old college try (pun intended).**

 **Thanks for reading! I honestly love you all.**


	2. Mind Games

**A/N - Thanks so much for giving this story a chance. I'm sorry that the original summary was a bit confusing... I edited it to make it clear: This is definitely a Paily story. :)  
**

* * *

As talented as Emily was, she didn't get to swim very much in competition during her first two years at Rosewood High. Coach Fulton had to reserve those slots for her juniors and seniors - the ones whom scouts would be checking out. Emily spent most of the team's swim meets recording stats, taking notes for the assistant coaches, and congratulating her teammates. She did see some competition in those years, though, swimming one of the middle legs in the relays from time to time. Coach Fulton wanted to give her some live competition experience, both to prepare her for the spotlight that she would occupy in the coming years and to see whether or not she froze under the pressure. Coach Fulton had another reason to put Emily in during competitions; She wanted the other team to see what was ahead of them; that the Rosewood Sharks were going to be a dynasty for years to come.

The biggest obstacle in their way was the Ravenswood Torpedoes. Their future looked bright, too, once they snagged a young transfer student named Paige McCullers. Emily didn't know it, but she personally was the main reason that Nick McCullers' decisided to relocate to Ravenswood. He had done his homework, scouting out both schools' teamss. "Why go to Rosewood," he asked Paige, "and end up fighting against the hometown favorite for the number-one slot, when you can go to Ravenswood where no one comes anywhere close to you?"

For all of Paige's talent, her sophomore year at Ravenswood was remarkably like Emily's at Rosewood - watching, learning, absorbing; waiting for her moment in the spotlight.

* * *

Everyone in Rosewood, it seemed, had turned out for the final match of the season: the Sharks versus the Torpedoes. The meets were contested in Rosewood and Ravenswood in alternate years, and, this year, it was Rosewood's turn to host. The meets were always the last of the season because the district championship was usually on the line.

Emily knew going in that she wouldn't be racing. The meet was too important. It wasn't that they needed to win; Coach Fulton had drilled into them that giving their best was all that mattered. Titles, although they were nice, were secondary. What made the meet was important was that it would be the last chance for the seniors to showcase their skills for the scouts, who always wanted to see how the great swimmers fared against great competition. Also, there were some seniors who weren't going on to swim at college. Coach Fulton wanted to make sure that they had one final taste of competition, in recognition of their hard work, dedication, and persistence through the years.

Emily was fine with that. She swam for the love of swimming. Sure, it was great to compete, but she knew that she would get her turn. And she was happy to celebrate with the seniors when they got their moment.

Emily picked out Paige on the opposite side of the pool early in the meet. Paige, like her, was still in her warm-ups, with a clipboard in hand. It was obvious that she wouldn't be getting into the pool unless something catastrophic happened.

Emily was surprised at how Paige behaved during the meet. She looked like a really great teammate. She was completely into the match, fist-pumping when their swimmers did well, always the first one in on the hugs when her teammates - win or lose - emerged from the pool. Emily was seeing a different side of Paige McCullers - a Paige who could celebrate other people's success. She wondered whether it was because Paige had matured, or, more likely, she thought, because Ravenswood's coach had been as emphatic as Coach Fulton in developing a team-first mentality.

Rosewood came out on top that year. As the teams lined up to shake hands, Emily, near the end of the line with the rest of the freshmen, found herself anticipating shaking hands with the new Paige. She even came up with something witty to say: Instead of "Nice meet," she was going to say, "Nice stats."

The line was taking longer than usual as the seniors on both sides, who had competed against each other for four years, exchanged not just handshakes but hugs, and tears. Finally, Emily was a handshake or two away from Paige, and her smile got even wider. But Paige, when she got up to her, dipped her hand at the last second, not looking Emily in the face as she skipped over her and moved on to shake hands the next swimmer.

 _Really?_ Emily thought.

Spencer was right: Mind games. Even though they hadn't yet had the chance to swim against each other in a race that meant anything, and might not, even in their junior years, Paige still felt the need to lay the groundwork: Rivals, not friends. And not friendly rivals. And Paige was determined to get into Emily's head for whenever the time came that they swam against each other.

* * *

The next time that Emily saw Paige was in Ravenswood. Emily was sitting in the stands, watching Spencer and the field hockey team take on their district rivals. And, once again, Paige showed herself to be the consummate team player, high-fiving her teammates and cheering vigorously.

Deep down, Emily wished that she could talk to Paige; change her; change her perspective. It just seemed such a waste to take such an us-versus-them view of things. Paige was closing herself off to a large potential group of friends simply because they weren't on her team. She was like those people who were only comfortable with others of their race - or nationality - or religion - or sexuality. Emily didn't hate those kind of bigots. She felt more of a pity for them. They were missing out on - or, more accurately, willfully denying themselves - the many joys that a life of inclusion brings with it.

Emily's eyes were repeatedly drawn to Paige. It wasn't idle curiosity. It was the strangest thing: She kept feeling Paige's eyes on her. When Paige was about to rotate into the game, she looked up towards Emily in the stands. When she made an aggressive block or stole a pass, she stole a glance at Emily. When she sat back on the sidelines and buried her head under a towel, she emerged with her gaze on Emily. _Mind games_ , Emily knew.

She really hated mind games.

* * *

That summer, Emily wasn't looking forward to swim camp. She knew that Paige McCullers would be there, and she wasn't in the mood for having that downer every day. She started looking for programs out of state; one in Baltimore, and another in Upstate New York. She discussed them with her mom, arguing that it would be good exposure for her: She would be able to work with different coaches and meet learn from other talented swimmers - swimmers other than than the usual crop who went to the camp in the Philly suburbs every year. Emily was actually only referring to one swimmer, but she didn't volunteer that information to Pam.

Her mother was sympathetic, but she just couldn't figure out a way to make the finances work. When Emily's pleading persisted, Pam came up with an alternative. She asked whether Emily would like to head out to Texas for a couple of months, to stay with her father. The base where he was stationed had a pretty good summer recreational program for officers' kids. Wayne had done some checking, and their swimming program was pretty good.

It wasn't an easy decision for Emily. She loved her father, and she missed the opportunity to be with him, but going away for two months was a lot different than going to camp in Philly for two weeks. Emily wouldn't see her friends for the entire summer, and she would be leaving her mom by herself that whole time.

On the other hand, there would be no Paige McCullers.

Emily talked it over with her friends, and they encouraged her to go. They knew how much she missed being near her father, and, when they looked at the dates, they saw that Emily would get back to Rosewood in time for the end-of-the-summer trip to Spencer's cabin, with Spencer's older sister, Melissa, and her fiancé, Wren, chaperoning.

Emily talked with her mother, and Pam told her that she could handle being by herself for the two months. And, Pam thought, she could work late when Emily was away, rather than sit in the big empty house by herself. That way, she could catch up on some paperwork at the office and clock in some overtime, so that she could afford to fly out to Texas for Emily's last two weeks there.

* * *

Emily leapt into her father's strong, welcoming arms when she saw him at the airport, wearing his camouflage uniform and a huge smile. They talked and got caught up on the ride back to his apartment, stopping along the way for an artery-blocking lunch of chili dogs and bacon-cheese fries that Pam would never have approved.

Emily filled Wayne in on her progress with the swim team, her academics, and her friends. Wayne took it all in, his eyes wide with pride and delight.

Later that evening, the two of them relaxed in front of the TV ("Netflix and chill," Wayne teased, always throwing around terms that he heard some of his younger soldiers use, in an attempt to "prove" to his daughter that he was in touch with her generation). In between episodes of "Community," Emily hit pause and asked, "Dad, how do you deal with difficult people?"

"Difficult how?" Wayne asked, and Emily launched into the tale of Paige McCullers. Wayne listened intently before he rendered his judgment. "Well, there's one thing I've learned, Emmy. You can only be responsible for your own behavior. Don't let Paige drag you down to hers. I tell my soldiers that there is a debt that every human being owes every other human being. It's the debt of respect, kindness, and courtesy. Now, I can't be responsible for anybody else's debt, but you can bet I'm going to be responsible for my own debt. You see, you can't control whether or not Paige lives up to her obligation to treat everyone with decency and respect, but you have control over how you respond to her, and whether or not you live up to your own obligation."

"I don't know, Dad. I guess I just thought that, if I did that - if I lived up to my obligation - maybe it would move Paige, you know? That it would inspire her, somehow. I don't know."

"And, you're right. Maybe it will."

"But it hasn't."

"But it might. You can't control that. It might not happen in a day, or in a year. It might not happen at all. But whether or not Paige changes, you can't quit, Emmy. Choosing to treat everybody with kindness and respect is just as important for the effect that is has on you as it is for the effect that it may or may not have on Paige. Bitterness and disdain - even if they're directed toward someone who deserves it - have a way of harming you in the end. And it spreads - if you can be like that to one person, it becomes easier and easier to be like that with more and more people. And, ultimately..."

"I become Paige McCullers."

"Easy there, Em."

Emily nodded. "I become like the person who was so difficult."

Emily knew that her father was right. She would have to treat Paige the way that she, herself, would want to be treated. She was just happy that she didn't have to see Paige very often. And she was really happy that she got to spend the summer with her dad. She gave him a hug and restarted the queue.


	3. Summer Love

Emily's summer in Texas, like the summer before it, was to be a summer that changed her life in profound ways, and a summer that she would look back on with fond and bittersweet memories for many years afterward.

It was the summer of her first crush.

Samara was one of the camp counselors, a senior, blonde, built, with a killer smile and a slight Texas twang in her speech. And she was so mature and sophisticated. Emily recognized the signs of her attraction for Samara early on. She couldn't make eye contact with the girl; instead, she looked away with a shy smile whenever Samara turned in her direction. Whenever Samara looked away, Emily shot surreptitious glances her way. It was a while before Emily could handle one-on-one coaching from Samara without collapsing into a puddle of goo, completely unable to focus on whatever it was that Samara was trying to teach her, usually with her arm around Emily's shoulder as she leaned in close, to be heard above the cacophany of the pool.

Before long, Emily began to suspect that it wasn't merely wishful thinking, but that Samara actually had feelings for her, too. This thought was more terrifying than exciting to Emily. She had no experience with anything like this, and she didn't know how to act - or to react - so she found herself regressing to turtle-mode again, ducking her head into her shell, tongue-tied and brainless whenever Samara showed her the minutest attention.

One evening, after dinner in the cafeteria, Samara strode up to Emily's table, flashing that smile that awoke the butterflies in Emily's stomach, and invited Emily out for some ice cream. Emily panicked. She dropped her head, not knowing what to say or what to do. Samara was standing right in front of her. It wasn't as if she had texted Emily, so that Emily could seek advice from her friends before she responded.

While Emily sat there semi-paralyzed, barely able to shrug her shoulders in response, Samara's voice twanged, with a hint of pleading, "Oh, don't say no! It's so hot outside, and I really want some ice cream. Don't make me go all by myself!"

There were a half dozen young swimmers around the table who would've jumped at the chance that Emily was being offered. Emily raised her head slightly, looking from one face to another, reading the looks of jealousy or encouragement. When she felt Samara's hand on her shoulder, she looked up, and Samara squeezed slightly, her lips smiling and her wide-eyes pleading. A shy smile stretched across Emily's lips as she nodded weakly.

Samara's smile got even brighter, somehow. She extended the hand that had been on Emily's shoulder. Emily looked at it, confused, for a second before, on instinct more than anything else, she reached for it and let Samara help her up. Samara gave her hand a squeeze and interlaced their fingers. Emily couldn't have gotten the smile off her face if she wanted to.

Emily had never seen Samara's car before. It was a truck, actually; a vintage, red Chevy, and Samara gave Emily a slight boost to help her into the passenger's side. When they got to the ice cream shop, Samara signaled Emily to wait and scooted around the front, taking Emily's hand again as she helped her alight, with a slight hop, onto the pavement.

Once again, Samara kept holding Emily's hand, with their fingers intertwined. As they stepped onto the sidewalk, Samara lifted their hands closer to eye-level and turned to ask Emily, "This okay?" Emily responded as she had in the cafeteria, smiling shyly and nodding her head.

When they got to the ice cream shop, Samara held the door open, ushering Emily inside with a gentle hand on her lower back. Emily came alive once she was on the other side of the door, smiling in delight like a child as the frosty smell of ice cream overwhelmed her nostrils.

They stopped some distance from the counter to take a look at the menu that was on the wall behind it. Emily lost herself in jubilation at the vast array of choices. She was so excited that she forgot who was with her, and her nervousness melted away. Samara glanced over at her and was enthralled by the look of child-like wonder on her face. "See anything you like?"

Emily smiled at Samara. "Everything!" Samara rubbed her shoulder, and Emily apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm usually pretty decisive!"

"Well, how about this? How about, just for tonight, we let ourselves be totally decadent? They have a banana split that's to die for. What do you say we split that?"

"Sure!" Emily's reply was enthusiastic. Her eyes widened in awe when the massive dessert was presented to them. When they made their way through the seating area to an empty booth, Samara let Emily get in first and set the banana split down on the table before she took the seat next to Emily, so that they could share.

At first, their legs brushed against each other, making incidental contact under the table. As their feast continued, Samara gave Emily gentle nudges with her shoulder to punctuate whatever story she was telling, or to drive home the punch line of a joke. By the time they managed to consume the entire dish, Emily was comfortable enough to lean her head on Samara's shoulder as she collapsed in a food coma. Samara snaked her arm behind Emily's back and rubbed her shoulder. "How was it?" she asked.

Emily sighed. "Perfect," she responded, speaking as much about the evening itself as she was about the dessert.

The entire night was fun and romantic. Samara was sophisticated and confident, yet really down to earth. She made Emily feel as if she were the only one in the room. The conversation never stalled, and Emily couldn't remember when she had ever laughed so much.

* * *

The night air had turned a little cooler, and, combined with the ice cream, it gave Emily a slight chill. Samara pulled Emily close as they walked back to her truck, rubbing Emily's arm to keep her warm.

When they got back to camp, Samara walked Emily to her cabin and took both of Emily's hands in hers as they stood under the canopy over the front door. She smiled and uttered a soft "Thank you."

"I'm the one who should say thank you," Emily asserted, leaning in to make her point. As she did, Samara put her hand on her cheek, and Emily's mind short-circuited.

This was the moment that she had been thinking about, with equal parts excitement and fear, through the entire drive home. _Would Samara kiss her? Would she be able to kiss back? Would her kiss be up to Samara's standards? Would Samara know that she had never been kissed before? Would Samara ever want to kiss her again?_

And, there it was, happening. Emily's eyes closed as their lips met so tenderly. Before she knew it, she found herself kissing back, and Samara responded by pressing her lips more forcefully against Emily's. On reflex, her hands found their way behind Samara's head, and she crossed her wrists behind Samara's neck, her body knowing what to do even though her mind hadn't quite caught up. Just as Emily's knees were about to give way, Samara's lips retreated, and Emily opened her eyes to see that they had curled into a contented smile. Samara brushed her thumb against Emily's lips, causing them to tingle even more, and whispered "Good night." The words sounded final, but neither of them moved. They just stood there, staring into each other's eyes as if each was hypnotized by the other, until, with a chuckle, Samara rubbed Emily's shoulder and reminded her that she had to be back in her bunk by lights-out. She gave Emily another quick kiss and a hug before she backed away, still staring into Emily's eyes until they were hidden on the other side of the door.

Emily found her way to her bunk and sat down on it, then collapsed backwards down onto it, her feet raising slightly off the floor. She pressed her fingers against her lips as she replayed the kiss in her mind. She got a few knowing "Whoos" from her cabin mates, and she laughed along with them. Nothing could bring her down. She had had her first date and her first kiss with the first woman whom she had ever had feelings for, and it was perfect.

* * *

Samara and Emily saw more and more of each other as the summer progressed - especially after camp ended. Samara wasn't working between camp and college, so she and Emily took several day trips. They went climbing in the mountains, they swam in the lake, and they had romantic picnics in an isolated stretch of the woods behind the base.

They grew closer and closer physically as well, but, although Emily grew up a lot and learned a lot over the course of the summer, she never surrendered herself fully to Samara. On the one hand, she wasn't ready to take that step, despite how strong her feelings for Samara were. And, on the other hand, Samara made it clear from the beginning, before things got serious, that she wasn't looking for a long-term relationship. She was going to start college in the fall, and Emily was heading back to Rosewood. Her feelings for Emily were genuine, but she told Emily that what they had was only for the summer. Emily tried to convince herself that she, like Samara, was mature enough to turn her affections off at the end of the summer, but she knew that it wouldn't be so easy.

For their last date, they both got dressed up, and Samara took Emily to a very down-home, very rustic, very Texas restaurant. She greeted Emily at the door of Wayne's apartment with flowers, and she escorted her to her truck with her arm around her waist. She was totally chivalrous the entire night, holding the doors and pulling out the chairs.

After dinner, Emily jokingly pointed out, "They have karaoke here."

"I know," Samara said softly. It was the first time that Emily had heard her sound so unsure of herself. "There's a song that I was hoping you would sing with me."

Emily shook her lowered head vigorously, swiping her hands in front of herself to indicate that there was no way. Samara persisted her, though, telling her that she had chosen the song for a reason. Emily sighed and shrugged her shoulders. Karaoke wasn't her thing, but she really wanted to do it. She wanted to do it for Samara.

When their names were called, Samara led the way up to the stage, holding Emily's hand to help her up. Emily saw a picture of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John from the soundtrack of Grease. She looked at Samara, who winked in a "trust me" sort of way.

The music started, and Samara started moving in rhythm, so Emily did, too, although her movements were more tentative. When the lyrics appeared, Samara gestured to Emily, indicating that she should go first.

 _Summer loving had me a blast,_  
 _\- Summer loving happened so fast,_  
 _I met a girl crazy for me,_  
 _\- Met a girl cute as can be,_

 _\- She swam by me, she got a cramp_  
 _She ran by me, got my suit damp_  
 _\- I saved her life, she nearly drowned_  
 _She showed off, splashing around_

 _Summer fling, don't mean a thing_  
 _But, oh, oh, those summer nights_

After another verse or two, the music got slower and more somber, and Samara's eyes started to glisten.

 _It turned colder, that's where it ends_  
 _\- So I told her we'd still be friends_  
 _Then we made our true love vow_  
 _\- Wonder what she's doing now_

 _Summer dreams, ripped at the seams_  
 _But oh, those summer nights!_

* * *

There was cheering and whistling for the duet as they made their way back to the booth. When the atmosphere quieted down, Samara looked deep into Emily's eyes and told her that she hadn't been planning to start a relationship over the summer, but that Emily had captured her heart. She called Emily a breath of fresh air; a ray of sunshine; an unexpected diamond in the middle of a coal mine. As she spoke, she placed a box on the table in front Emily, which Emily initially declined. "You don't have to give me anything," she said, looking down at her hands. She was being sincere. She had known from the outset what their relationship was. Samara had never been deceptive about it. There was no need to let her down gently.

"Please let me," Samara asked, opening the box to show a simple charm bracelet which she placed on Emily's wrist. "I'm never going to forget you, Emily Fields. Not ever. This summer has been more than special to me. And I'm so glad that I got to know you." Once she had secured the clasp, she gave Emily's hand a subtle squeeze. "And I hope that you won't forget me, either."

"Never," Emily promised. How could she ever forget her first love?

* * *

Samara dropped Emily off at Wayne's apartment and waited at the entrance until Wayne buzzed them inside. She walked with Emily to the elevator and gave her a hard, deep, and lingering kiss. It was a perfect complement to their first kiss, and to Emily, it felt like the final stroke of the pen stroke on the last page of their summer of love. Samara pressed the button for the elevator and waited, facing Emily, each with their hands on the other's shoulders, until the elevator reached the first floor and its doors opened. She stood staring at Emily until the doors had closed completely, closing with finality the book that they had written together all summer long.

* * *

 **A/N: PM to Guest, who asked "** **What I wanted to know is, why is Paige always the one with an attitude issue in these rivalry stories? Or maybe why is she always the more aggressive one? Is it because of how Paige used to be in season 1? But if it's an AU fic, can the roles not be reversed for a change?"**

 **Thanks for this question. I wish that I could actually PM you, to give a full reply, but here goes.**

 **Yes, this is an AU fic, but I think that the characters should be somewhat recognizable as the ones we know and love from the original. In other words, there's a reason that I wrote this as a Paily story instead of, for example, a Sian and Sophie story.**

 **But, you're right, the roles can be reversed (and one of my first fics was actually a shy!Paige fic). For me, I guess the choice of Paige as aggressor comes down to the reasons that I love the character of Paige McCullers so much. I love that she's a complex character who demonstrated real growth and a real ability to change - from the angry, head-dunking Paige of season 1 to the tired-of-talking, perfect girlfriend whom we miss so much in season 6. I just think it's a great story, and one that I wanted to try my hand at writing. I hope that I can do it justice.**

 **Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to review.**


	4. Fear of Flying

**A/N - Hmm... I guess I shouldn't have used Samara as Emily's first love! Well, if it makes you feel any better, it's a different Samara. Samara Baker, not Samara Cook! :p**

 **Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Emily settled into her aisle seat, pulling a guidebook about Palo Alto out of her carry-on before she stashed the bag underneath the seat in front of her. She wouldn't have time for sightseeing on this trip, but the fact that Satnford's athletic department was flying her out for a visit meant that she had to have a pretty good shot. Besides, Emily liked to be prepared. She wanted to have some familiarity with the area when her hosts started talking up all that it had to offer.

Emily was smiling to herself in excitement. Even though it was early in the morning, and she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, she was wired. She was grateful that it was a non-stop flight. _Stanford spared no expense,_ she thought, shaking her head at the thought that they must fly their _top_ recruits first class.

She was jolted from her reverie when she heard someone sigh in the aisle. She pulled her legs back, to let the other person by, and looked up with a welcoming smile. She was about to say something about how air travel wasn't so bad, but her smile quickly faded when she saw who it was who had sighed. Paige held up her boarding pass, as if to prove to Emily that it wasn't a joke: She had actually been assigned the window seat next to her. Apparently, the Stanford Swim Team's travel manager assumed that the two recruits from the same area of Pennsylvania would want to sit together.

Emily spent the rest of the time till the cabin doors were shut focused intensely on her guidebook. She peeked up whenever someone lingered in the aisle, desperate for anyone to take the middle seat between them, but no one did.

The plane taxied away from the gate and lined up on the runway. As soon as it began accelerating for take off, Paige slammed the window shade down and bowed her head, breathing heavily as she stared into her lap.

"Hey, are you okay, Paige?" When Paige looked up, Emily could see that all of the blood had drained from her face. She appeared to be on the verge of tears, or a panic attack, or both. "Paige?" Emily quickly undid her seat belt and moved to the seat next to Paige. When she reached for Paige's hand, Paige grabbed hers so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"It'll be okay, Paige." Emily's voice was soft, calm, and soothing. Paige's head fell onto Emily's shoulder, and Emily instinctively cradled it, making shushing noises. "We're okay, Paige. Trust me. My Dad's a pilot. He does this all the time."

Emily was only stretching the truth a little bit. Her father was Army Airborne, but he didn't fly planes. He used to jumped out of them. But Emily didn't think that Paige needed to know that at that moment.

Paige sat still and silent as the plane reached cruising altitude and leveled off. Emily realized from Paige's breathing that she must have fallen asleep. _Well, isn't this something?_ she thought, laughing to herself.

When the beverage cart came down the aisle, a middle-aged flight attendant leaned over with a crinkled nose and whispered, "Is your girlfriend going to be okay?" Emily looked at him, puzzled. "She seemed to be freaking out a little during take-off."

Emily laughed out loud at the idea that she and Paige were girlfriends. She looked over at Paige, still asleep, with her head on Emily's shoulder, and realized that Paige was still holding her hand. She slowly let go of Paige's hand, as if she could do so slowly enough to keep the flight attendant from noticing that they had been holding hands in the first place, and she explained to him that they weren't together. He nodded his head with a smirk and a "your secret's safe with me" wink before he handed over two bottles of water and two packages of pretzels.

* * *

Paige woke up to find a bottle of water and a package of pretzels atop her open tray table, and Emily back in her original aisle seat. She never said a word about her freak-out. She didn't even look in Emily's direction until the time came for her to pass the empty containers to the aisle, when the flight attendants made their rounds to collect the trash.

Emily slid back into the middle seat at the tail end of the flight. Without looking over at Paige, trying not to embarrass her, she extended her hand toward her. Paige latched onto it eagerly, gripping it like a vise until they had safely touched down.

* * *

The two juniors from Stanford's team who were serving as their hosts for the weekend met them at the airport. Lexi, Paige's host, was waiting for them at baggage claim while Gabby, Emily's host, circled around with the car. When Lexi asked how their flight was, Paige shot Emily a warning glare. Emily just rolled her eyes. It was too much. Of course, Emily would never say anything about Paige's freak-out. She realized that Paige might not have known that about her, but did Paige have to give her an angry look, rather than a pleading one? Emily had come to accept Paige's hostility as part of the way that Paige treated the competition, but she expected something better from her, now that there was a strong possibility that they would be both be swimming on the same team at Stanford. Maybe Paige still viewed them as rivals, competing for the best scholarship offer. _Whatever._

Emily didn't regret the fact that she had been there for Paige on the plane. And she would do it again in a heartbeat – probably on the flight home. But she was through trying to be friends with her. If Paige this was the way that Paige wanted to play it, that was just fine with Emily.

Paige and Emily shared the back seat for the drive to Palo Alto. Out of the corner of her eye, Emily could see Paige staring at her, trying to get her attention, but she refused to bite. Finally, when Paige whispered, "Hey," Emily looked over, flashing her annoyance, and Paige mouthed the words, "Thank you." Emily just rolled her eyes and turned her head away, to look out of the window. She didn't know whether Paige's thank-you was for helping her get through the plane ride, or for keeping that story quiet, and she didn't care. As far as she was concerned, she was going to make the most out of this recruiting trip, and to hell with Paige McCullers.

* * *

"It's just so infuriating," Emily told Hanna as she paced around Gabby's room while Gabby was getting ready for bed in the restroom down the hall. "Spencer was right. I was just wasting my time trying to find something good in Paige."

"And what did Spencer say?" Hanna chuckled in anticipation of whatever response Spencer had given.

"Oh, no, Hanna," Emily said emphatically, "I would never tell Spencer!"

"Seriously, Em?"

"Seriously. And you can't tell her, either. You can't tell anybody. Spencer still has to face Paige in field hockey next season, and I don't want to put her in an awkward position, worrying that she'd slip up and say something in the heat of battle!"

"So what? So she says something that's true about this bitch! If that gives her an edge, it's all good!"

"So this is something extremely personal, that's what. It's like hitting below the belt."

"Well, if the tables were turned, do you think for a minute that Paige wouldn't use it against you?"

"I don't know, Hanna," Emily said with a heavy sigh. "Maybe she would. But I'd like to think that I'm a little better than that."

* * *

The weekend at Stanford was like a dream come true for Emily. The team was so friendly, the facilities were so great, and the coaches seemed really excited about the prospect of her swimming for Stanford. Emily wondered what kind of reception Paige was getting. Based on what a great swimmer Paige was, Emily was sure that she was being wooed just as enthusiastically, if not more so. She put that out of her mind, though. She had decided to focus on the here and now - and on herself. She wouldn't let Paige McCullers ruin her dream.

After a final breakfast with the team, Emily and Paige rode to the airport with Gabby and Lexi on Sunday afternoon. The place was crowded. Emily sighed at the prospect of a half-hour wait in line with Paige McCullers.

Once they had exchanged their final hugs with their hosts and taken their places in line, Paige looked at Emily, accusingly. "You didn't say anything, did you?"

 _Way to get on the good side of the girls you're going to be clinging to like a bad habit in a few minutes_ , Emily thought. She just glared at Paige.

"I'm sorry," Paige said, dipping her head in contrition. "I know you didn't... you _wouldn't._ It's just...ugh. I really hate flying."

"We all have our phobias," Emily said flatly. She wasn't trying to be comforting. She was just too polite to say nothing.

"Not you," Paige said, suddenly looking up and into Emily's eyes. "You're..." Paige caught herself when she realized what she was saying, but it was too late. She had to say something. "Flawless" came out as she dipped her head again.

"We _all_ have phobias," Emily repeated, unmoved.

* * *

The flight was full, and when Paige and Emily got to their row, they saw a man already planted in the middle seat. Paige winced on the inside and excused herself as she made her way to the window seat.

Emily tapped her boarding pass into her palm a couple of times, staring at the ceiling. She knew the _right_ thing to do, as much as she didn't want to. In the end, she plastered her sweetest smile on her face and asked, "Would you possibly be willing to switch seats with me, so that I can sit next to my friend?" She hated lying to the man, but it required less explanation than asking to sit next to her biggest enemy.

The man stood up with a hearty smile. Really, she could've asked him to drink poison and he would've responded as enthusiastically to the Emily Fields smile, but he was especially eager to get out of that middle seat. The fact that he could do something to make his young, attractive row-mates happy was a bonus. "Lady, you'd be doing me a favor," he exclaimed with a thick Philadelphia accent. "Believe me, I wasn't looking forward to 6 hours wedged into that middle seat!"

Paige leaned forward to address him. "Actually, she's doing you a favor. I'm kind of a mess when I fly," she explained with a self-deprecating shrug.

Emily did her best to hide her shock. It was the second moment of vulnerability that she had seen from Paige in the space of a couple of hours. It was too little too late, though. Emily had already written off any kind of empathy for Paige.

Emily wondered what was behind these concessions that Paige was making. Perhaps Paige had resigned herself to the fact that they were going to be teammates, and was starting to dismantle the wall of hostility that she had erected between them over the years. Or maybe it was her actual vulnerability; - the fact that she needed Emily. Or perhaps Emily was actually getting through to her, and she was responding to Emily's steady humanity.

Whatever it was, Emily had to admit, she didn't really mind the thought of holding Paige's hand. Maybe it was a maternal thing;- Emily's innate or ingrained longing to comfort a frightened child. Maybe it was a power thing;- catching the fearsome and intimidating Paige McCullers in her weakness.

While Emily may not have known why she liked holding hands with Paige, she was too in-touch with herself to be able to deny that she was looking forward to it. Emily's journey to self-acceptance as a queer girl in straight society had a way of making her more honest with herself about herself. But she wasn't honest or self-aware enough to entertain the thought that there might be some other, deeper reason for her to be looking forward to holding Paige's hand.

* * *

At baggage claim, Paige and Emily were about a shoulder's length apart as they waited for the carousel to start moving. Paige was staring doggedly at the bright metal slats, as if by staring she could start them moving. Emily was staring into space, occasionally looking over at Paige and rolling her eyes. She had to laugh. It wasn't just that Paige was treating her like a stranger, although they'd known each other for years. Paige was acting as if they hadn't spent the past six hours together in a cramped airplane; not to mention the fact that she had held Emily's hand and fallen asleep on her shoulder.

After Emily pulled her bag from the carousel, she looked over to say a civil good-bye to Paige, but Paige was already gone. She was already in her dad's car, on their way out of the airport, cursing herself for being too much of a chicken to say something - _anything_ \- to Emily Fields.


	5. This Clouded Heart

The roar of the crowd gradually started to fade from Emily's ears as she shook her arms out at her sides. This was the familiar ritual: Tuning out the crowd and everything else around her as she got into the zone.

Even as everything else disappeared, Emily was still keenly aware of the swimmer in the lane next to her. They had competed against each other several times over the past two years, in state and regional championships (both as individuals and as representatives of their schools), in three-way meets during the regular season, and, when they were juniors, at that year's edition of the current meet: the head-to-head final. Rosewood vs. Ravenswood, for all the marbles.

Competing against Paige had been good for Emily. It had pushed her and caused her to become a better swimmer. The "good vs. evil" storyline had helped motivate her teammates, too, but Emily steered clear of that kind of talk as much as she could.

The two of them held their school's seasons on their shoulders. There were other swimmers in the race, of course, but everyone knew that it was _their_ race. As had been true in last year's finale, whichever of the two touched first would win the championship for her school.

Emily really wanted to look over and give Paige a gesture - good luck, it's been great competing against you, and may the best swimmer win. She knew, though, that that wasn't the kind of relationship that they had. She could feel Paige's eyes on her, but she didn't bite. She knew that Paige was just going to do something to try to throw her off.

As swimmers, they were evenly matched, and their races had often come down to something as trivial as an allergy attack or a bad break-up the week before, a good breakfast, or which one had the home crowd behind her. Emily knew that this was the reason that Paige was always trying to get into her head, but she had gotten pretty good at blocking Paige out, after all the times they competed against each other. She almost felt as if she owed Paige her gratitude for that - for teaching her how to tune out the taunts of her competition. That skill was certain to come in handy when she started swimming at the college level.

Just before Paige turned her head away from Emily and got into the starting position, she mouthed a, "Good luck" that Emily, still ignoring her, never got to see.

Paige was uncharacteristically choppy in the water. She wasn't quite focused, and she fell just slightly off-rhythm. No one else would have noticed it; perhaps Emily, who knew her opponent so well, would have picked up on it, had she been watching the race and not swimming in it, completely focused on her own strokes. The distraction, whatever it was, was just enough to cost Paige the race. She touched the wall a fraction of a second behind Emily. Paige couldn't help feeling that it was fitting; - judgment from the gods of swimming against Paige, the Villain, and in favor of Emily, the Good.

Emily and Paige were at the front of their teams' lines when it came time to shake hands. Emily knew that they wouldn't be exchanging the tearful hug that seniors usually exchanged at these meets. Still, when they approached each other, she extended her arms. It wasn't that she needed anything from Paige. All of those non-handshakes in their previous meets had Emily taught Emily a lesson. She wasn't going to let Paige get to her, ever. When was dealing with Paige, she had to be as unmovable as Paige. She had hardened her heart. And she wasn't extending her arms in a peacemaking gesture, either. She just decided that, for once, she was going to be the one to mess with Paige's head. Paige's subtle refusals to shake hands were one thing, but everyone would see her refusing to be a good sport and hug the person who had just defeated her.

Paige wrapped her arms gingerly around Emily's back, and Emily felt victorious. She had put her in a corner that not even the clever Paige McCullers could slither out of.

Before Paige moved on, she whispered in Emily's ear, "You're so talented. Congratulations." Emily was frozen in place for a moment, tongue-tied and unable to respond.

* * *

At the celebratory lunch with her friends afterwards, Emily couldn't stop talking about the hug. What the fuck was Paige trying to prove? What was she hoping to gain? It wasn't as if they'd be competing against each other anymore - unless Paige was already trying to get her digs in for their college years. Maybe she just couldn't concede the fact that Emily had one-upped her by forcing her into a hug.

"Maybe she was just being nice," Aria offered with a shrug, thinking that somebody had to say it. She immediately withered under the glares that both Emily and Spencer shot her way. "Sorry!" she said defensively, putting her hands up.

"You don't know Paige McCullers," Spencer scoffed.

"Oh, who gives a shit about Paige McFuck-her?" Hanna shouted. "She's not even here, and she's killing our chill!"

Hanna was right. It was their day to celebrate - Emily's day to celebrate. She did her best to put the incident out of her mind and enjoy her friends and the season that they were celebrating.

* * *

Back in Ravenswood, Paige was having a celebratory lunch of her own. She was surprised but grateful that Coach Walker had come along. That way, she reasoned, her dad wouldn't be so harsh towards her for the way that she tanked that last race. If she could make it through lunch without incident, perhaps her father would cool down by the time they got home, and it was just the two of them.

"Well, I know," Coach Walker began, "that it feels disappointing to end your season that way, Paige, but I really hope that you're not discouraged." Paige kept her head lowered and stole glances at her father as he nodded in vigorous agreement to what her coach was saying. She emphasized Paige's entire body of work, saying how proud she was of what Paige had brought to the team - in terms of both her performance and her leadership - and so grateful that she and her father had decided on Ravenswood for her final three years of high school.

Paige always bristled when she received too much attention. As talented and as competitive as she was, she had never gotten used to being on the receiving end of compliments. In reality, all that she really craved was approval from her father, but that had always seemed so elusive. But as Coach Walker spoke, he was smiling, with what looked like a genuine smile.

Coach Walker was careful not to mention that there was no shame in losing to Emily, who was one of those once-in-a-generation swimmers. She had correctly concluded that hearing about Emily wouldn't make Paige feel any better. However, when she noticed that Paige was still looking down, Coach Walker reminded her that the fact that she came in second – and by only a fraction of a second – in the final race of the season wouldn't have any impact on her scholarship offers, which had already begun coming in.

"Except Stanford," Paige said softly.

Nick reached into the pocket of his coat, smiling. "This came on Friday," he explained, "but I didn't want it to distract you." As Paige snatched it from his hands, he added, "It looks like the fat one!"

Paige tore it opened and confirmed that it was, indeed, the "fat" envelope; containing not just a polite rejection letter, but an acceptance letter and an offer sheet, with several other sheets of legal stuff.

"Full ride!" Coach Walker exulted, when Paige turned the letter around so that they could see it. She got up to hug Paige. Nick hugged Paige, too. Coach Walker hugged Nick - and they backed away quickly and dusted themselves off.

* * *

It was a couple of days later that Emily's letter from Stanford arrived in the mail. She forced herself to wait until her mom got home before she opened it. When Pam got home, they facetimed Wayne in Texas, and when Emily screamed, "I got in!" Wayne almost fell out of his chair. He turned the volume down a little bit before Emily got to the part where she read, screaming, "Full Scholarship!"

Later, when Emily was alone in her room, she scrutinized the team photo that was included in the envelope. She knew that it was silly, but she half-hoped to see Samara in the picture. She hadn't met the entire team on her recruiting trip, and, even though she would have liked to think that Samara would have sought her out if she knew that Emily were coming, she still let her heart hope that she would get to see her again.

Emily had never tried to keep up with Samara after that summer. At first, she just thought that it would be too painful, still having feelings for Samara, and seeing in pictures how Samara had moved on. But, eventually, Emily's heart moved on, too; first in a fairly long-term relationship with the girl next door, Maya St. Germain, and then with a string of girls who seemed to keep falling into and out of her life.

She really wished for the kind of years-long, stable relationships that her friends, Hanna and Spencer had. Even Aria's relationship, as creepy as it was, was a steady one. She wondered what it was about her that made her susceptible to these revolving door relationships, and she couldn't help feeling that the problem was within her; that she was still clinging to the fantasy that was her first relationship, and to the kind of infatuation that was only made to last for a summer.

And she couldn't help thinking that, if only she could see Samara again, she might be able to get some closure and move on.

* * *

"Maybe Paige won't go to Stanford." Emily shrugged in response. "Stanford's _your_ dream school," Spencer pointed out. "That doesn't mean that it's hers."

"Maybe not. Maybe she wants to play field hockey instead." That thought gave Emily some hope. "Stanford's not as good for field hockey as the schools out here."

"I doubt it," Spencer said. "She wouldn't get the kind of offers for field hockey that she would get for swimming. I mean, she's _good_ at field hockey, but, let's face it, she's not top-two-in-the-state good."

"Ugh! Just humor me, Spencer!" Emily was wearing a good-natured smile. "Don't bring me down with the facts!"

"Well, the facts are, there are plenty of schools with great swimming programs, and I'm sure that they're all competing to get Paige, just as they competed for you. So the chances that she'd choose Stanford, too, are..."

"Better than 50-50," Emily interrupted, "when you factor in my bad luck!"

"Well, it might not be so bad," Aria offered. "I mean, she gets along with all the people on her team, right?"

"Yeah, but..." When Emily stalled, Aria leaned in to prod her to continue. "I mean, that's the part that gets me. She was a horrible human being for the past three years, and if she thinks that everything's just going to be cool now, just because that we're teammates..."

Aria smiled weakly, squeezing Emily's hand sympathetically.

"Well," Spencer said as she stood and picked up her tray. "We'd better get to class." With one knee still on the bench, she turned to Emily. "It is what it is, Em. No sense worrying about it now."

Aria joined Spencer, taking her tray to dump out the garbage. Hanna and Emily just sat there.

"Spencer's right, you know, Em. You can't let Paige get to you."

"I know," Emily pleaded, drawing out the word. "I don't even know _why_ she gets to me. It's like this cloud that follows me around."

"You want me to have a sit-down with her?"

Emily threw her head back and laughed. "And say what, Hanna?"

"Uhh - 'My friend's not a dildo! You can't just fuck with her to get your kicks!' "

Emily gasped, looking around to see who might have overheard. "Hanna!" Hanna looked at her, not understanding at all what it was that she had done that was so wrong. Emily shook her head. "You actually _would_ say that, wouldn't you?" Hanna shrugged. Emily stood, grabbing her tray, and Hanna did the same. Holding her tray with one hand, Emily put an arm around Hanna's shoulder. "Well, thanks. You're a great friend, Hanna. But I need to fight my own battles."

* * *

 **A/N - I plagiarized Hanna's line from a review of Chapter 4 by thecatfromaliceinwonderland, whose reviews are often better than my chapters.**

 **(Oh - and I took the title of this chapter from the title of a poem by Stephen Jesse Bernstein.)  
**


	6. Marry, Kill, or Bang

Emily dreaded opening the envelope from the athletic department. From the day that she signed her letter of intent to Stanford, she began silently praying that Paige would decide go somewhere else. Spencer was right: There were a lot of schools with good swimming programs, and all of them would be more than happy to have a swimmer of Paige's caliber for the next four years. Maybe Paige didn't want to go all the way out to California. Maybe she would rather closer to her family, on the other side of the state.

But, not long after Emily signed her letter, a reporter from the Rosewood Gazette set up an interview with her and Paige, local swimming stars and rivals who would soon be teammates, swimming for Stanford. Paige was cordial enough during the interview, and that was even more upsetting to Emily. Now that they were going to be teammates, everything was supposed to be cool between them.

Emily didn't care about Paige's change in attitude toward her. She was done with Paige. They would be teammates, but nothing more.

With the possible exception of roommates. Emily had been dreading the letter from the athletic department, because she was convinced that they would lump the two Eastern PA swimmers together, just as they had done when they set up their flights, back when they were being recruited. She had her fingers crossed and her eyes closed as she ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter with her housing assignment and the name of her roommate.

Paige McCullers.

It was going to be a long year.

* * *

Paige sent Emily a friend request on facebook, and a follow request on Instagram. Emily ignored them.

Paige sent her a direct message on facebook:

 **Hey, Emily! Looks as if we're going to be roommates! :) We're going to take Stanford by storm! Go, Cardinal!**

That message made Emily lose even more respect for her future roommate. There was no apology, no request to put the past behind them - just the assumption that everything was okay now that they were teammates.

Emily took a deep breath. She knew that she couldn't avoid Paige forever. Besides that, she didn't want to become the very thing that she hated, blowing off Paige the way that Paige had so easily blown her off. She DMed her future roommate a curt, perfunctory reply.

Over the rest of the school year and the early summer, Paige and Emily exchanged more DMs as they began to coordinate their room and furnishings for Stanford. Emily eventually broke down and accepted Paige's friend and follow requests. Her attitude toward Paige never softened, though. That made the fact that they were going to drive cross-country together much more awkward.

Emily's friends couldn't believe it when she told them, but it only made sense. Emily wanted a car out at Stanford, and it would have been a long drive to make by herself. On those long, uninhabited stretches of highway, she would feel safer with someone else going along. And for her part, Paige, of course, was happy to be able to forgo a plane trip.

"Well," Hanna remarked, putting her arm around Emily's shoulder, "after three weeks in the car with her, you're either going to kill her, marry her, or bang her."

"Marry, kill, or bang: Paige McCullers!" Aria laughed.

"Ew, God! You're going to sleep in cheesy motels with her?"

"She's my roommate, Spencer," Emily pointed out. "I'm going to have to get used to sleeping with her anyway." Emily realized how that sounded and quickly put her finger up, to silence whatever snide comment Hanna was going to make.

"Does she swing that way?" Hanna asked. Emily shrugged. She couldn't have cared less.

If Paige had been forced to choose a side, she probably would have said that she was into girls. She had dated a bit - guys - but only because it was the correct thing to do. She had to play two sports; get into student government; do volunteer work for the church; show up to dances on the arm of the most popular guy in the senior class. Paige did precisely what it took to get where she was going. Now solidly on track and with that pressure behind her, she felt the liberty to feel what she really wanted to feel. And there was no denying where her feelings lay.

* * *

On the first leg of their journey, Emily laid down the law right off the bat: Their trip, like their status as roommates, was merely an arrangement of convenience. She and Paige would be roommates and teammates, but nothing more than that.

Paige told her that she understood. She also made sure that Emily knew that she was truly sorry for the way that she had treated her in high school. She was young and more competitive than she should have been. "That's no excuse," she concluded. "I was wrong, and I admit that."

Emily was genuinely grateful finally to have gotten this concession from Paige, but it didn't change anything. "It's not that you treated me that way. It's just that you're like that in general - it's always us vs. them." Emily didn't want that kind of negativity in her life.

Paige understood. The old Paige would have argued, protesting that they needed to be friends if they were to be effective as teammates. But Paige had changed. Once she had achieved her goal of getting into Stanford and the pressure was off, she was able to keep things in perspective. She knew that it would take time to change Emily's opinion of her. She could be patient. She had always been someone who could hang in there for the duration, to reach her goals.

* * *

They weren't sure how much progress they could make at a stretch, so they decided to figure it out on the fly: Drive as far as they could, pick up a hotel on Hotwire, get a few hours of sleep, and hit the road again. They planned their route through Texas, so they could check in with Emily's dad at about the halfway point.

Emily was driving the first stretch, having started out in the early morning hours, breaking for lunch and a couple of pit stops. There wasn't much conversation. The radio filled in most of the silence. But Emily being Emily, she couldn't be totally cold and detached. She allowed herself some small-talk with Paige, and even laughed at some of the shameless puns that Paige kept throwing out about names off cities or businesses that they saw on the signs that they passed along the highway.

As the dusk descended and Emily's yawns became more frequent, Paige got on her phone and got a room reservation, using her debit card. Her father had generously stocked her bank account to cover her share of the expenses for the trip.

When they made it up to their room, Paige opened the door and cursed. She apologized to Emily: The room only had one bed, a queen. "I can push these two chairs together," she offered. "I have a sleeping bag in the car."

Emily waved her off. "It's fine, Paige. It's a big bed. I'm okay with it, if you are." Emily was out, but she wasn't sure about Paige's orientation.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, Paige." Emily let her hair down and took a long stretch. "I promise I won't try anything!"

Paige chuckled nervously and cleared her throat, trying not to look anywhere inappropriate as Emily continued to stretch her tired muscles.

Paige had a hard time getting to sleep that night. It wasn't about Emily. Her feelings for women had been lingering under the surface for as long as she could remember. It was forbidden fruit; something that she had always felt the need to repress. And here she was, spending the night with a beautiful, completely uninhibited woman just inches away from her, close enough for Paige to inhale her delectable scent. Her mind wandered to her last trip to Stanford - the comforting feeling of her hand in Emily's; the serenity of waking up with her head on Emily's shoulder. That same shoulder was now mere inches from her chin, inviting, tantalizing.

Paige sighed and turned to face the edge of the bed. It was going to be a long night. It was going to be a long year.

* * *

Paige lay on the precipice of sleep for about an hour when Emily sighed contentedly in her sleep and curled up into her pillow. It was the most sexual thing Paige had ever heard, and she couldn't deal. She got up and began pacing back and forth. The pacing woke Emily. She peeked over the pillow. "Paige? What's up?"

"Nothing," Paige said too quickly. "I... I just... Insomnia," she said with a nervous giggle.

"Ugh! Fine, Paige." Emily, annoyed, picked up a pillow and the blanket. "I'll take the chair, okay?"

"Emily!" Paige grabbed her by the arm. "It's not that, I swear. I just couldn't sleep. My mind's been going a mile a minute, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 _No. Definitely not._ "No. It's just ... I'm not who I was back in high school, Emily. I know that you don't believe me. I wouldn't believe me... But I hope that you'll give me a chance." Paige realized that she was still holding Emily's arm, and it felt threatening to her, as if she were demanding Emily's forgiveness. She rubbed Emily's arm, to show that she didn't mean any harm. It felt both awkward and exhilarating.

As Paige let go of Emily's arm, she dipped her head. Emily nodded and climbed back into bed. They were only six weeks removed from high school. Unless Paige had had some kind of religious experience, Emily was pretty sure that she hadn't changed. Everybody deserves a chance, she decided, but that didn't change anything. Maybe Paige would earn her friendship, but that wouldn't happen just because Paige said the right things. She would have to prove herself through her actions. Consistent actions. For a long time.

"Get some sleep," Emily said sleepily. "You're driving tomorrow."

* * *

Emily woke to the smell of hotel shampoo and body wash wafting in from the bathroom. She flailed around for her phone and scowled when she looked at the time. _Way too early._

Paige appeared from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, with another wrapped around her head. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

Paige nodded and said, in a tone too pleasant for the time of day, "Yep! I hit the treadmill and grabbed a shower. I'm good to go!"

Emily groaned and rolled over into her pillow. It was definitely going to be a long year.

"Are you going to the work-out room?"

Emily gave Paige a look that said, "You've got to be kidding." Paige was already in a bra, and was pulling on a pair of comfortable jeans. Seeing her abs made Emily feel guilty for not hitting the gym.

"I envy you," Paige said, and Emily quirked a questioning eyebrow. "You can skip a day and still be so amazing in the water."

Emily tried her best to get her sleepy face to smile. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think that was a compliment."

In Emily's tired state, the statement came out sarcastic, rather than amused, but Paige took it in stride.

Paige made a coffee run to the Starbuck's in the lobby while Emily showered. They took their coffee and pastries on the road and headed for the highway. Emily had to smile at Paige's ritual of adjusting the seat, the mirrors, and the steering wheel. It was a full five minutes before she got everything to her liking. "Ready?"

Emily just shook her head in disbelief at the question.

* * *

In the early days of their journey, Emily did her best to give Paige a chance, but the more time they spent together, the more annoying she found Paige. Everything was a competition; she was always jockeying for dominance - down to what music they were going to listen to in the car, where they were going to spend the night, and who got which bed.

Beyond that, they had nothing to talk about.

Emily had always liked to think that she was the kind of person who could get along with anybody, but she had to face the fact that Paige McCullers just wasn't a nice girl. There was no way that they could ever be friends.


	7. We Can Work It Out

By the time Paige and Emily made it to Texas, they were barely able to tolerate each other. Every word or gesture from one of them was dissected and analyzed by the other, and used as an excuse to take offense.

Emily thought back to Hanna's question: Marry, kill, or bang. At the time, she had rejected all three options, but, halfway to Stanford, the middle one was looking pretty good.

It got so bad that Paige offered to rent a car and drive the rest of the way to Stanford by herself. Emily said that she would talk to her father. He had taken some leave so that he could spend time with her and Paige; instead, she would ask him to use that time to drive her to California while Paige finished the trip in Emily's car. Paige would be spared the rental expense, and Wayne and Emily could shadow her, close by, in case of an accident or other emergency.

Talking to Wayne was a good idea. He told Emily that he wouldn't have a problem driving her to Stanford, but that she should give the decision some more thought. She and Paige were going to be spending the next school year together in a relatively small space, and they were going to have to learn how to get along sooner or later. Wayne told her that part of becoming an adult was learning that you don't just bail out of relationships at the first sign of trouble. "And that goes for all kinds of relationships," Wayne clarified, when Emily rolled her eyes at his choice of words. "Friendships, business partnerships, romantic partnerships, families; they all have their rough patches."

Wayne launched into a story that Emily had heard more than once before from her father. It was one that he often shared with his troops, as well, when they were having problems getting along: When Wayne was growing up, he and his brother always had to share a room. Many times, they begged their parents to let one of them take over the guest room, but his parents always refused. As a result, they had to learn how to get along. No matter what the other one had done, no matter how angry they were, they weren't going anywhere. They had to make it work. He pointed out that part of the reason that she and Paige might be having so much trouble was that they were both only children, so they never really had the opportunity to learn how to negotiate with one of their peers, who was always going to be there. "Like it or not, Paige is going to be your first long-term relationship. How you two get along is going to set the tone for all of the relationships that follow. Do you really want your old man bailing you out every time the going gets rough?" Wayne prodded her with his elbow, and she looked up from her lap, where her eyes had been focused. She smiled reluctantly and admitted that he was right.

Wayne offered to talk to Paige, or to the two of them, but Emily decided that she needed to do it herself. Wayne was proud of her for that. It was the outcome that he had wanted in the first place. Emily and Paige declared a truce. Emily apologized for being overly sensitive, and Paige apologized for being overbearing.

They weren't quite back to square one in their relationship. They had definitely taken a few steps backwards. Paige still felt bad for the way that she had acted in high school, and she still wanted to show Emily that she had changed. But she no longer had the goal of being friends with Emily. She had come to realize that they were just too different.

They managed to be on their best behavior on the rest of the trip, maintaining a cool-but-casual stance with each other.

* * *

Once they made it to Stanford, they pretty much went their separate ways. Emily quickly fell in with the kind of friends that she had in high school. They were "The Party Girls" to Paige; - just normal undergrads, really, but not the kind of girls whom Paige would waste her time with. Swimming, for them, was merely a diversion, not a passion.

Paige, for her part, found the hard-core crew - the most intense girls in the gym; the kind who exchanged lots of fist-bumps, high fives, and grunts after even the most minor physical achievement.

Paige and Emily had no classes together. Emily was undeclared, following a liberal arts course as she concentrated more on finding herself as a person than on finding a career. Paige was, unsurprisingly, a business major. That was Paige all over: All business.

But even Paige needed to blow off some steam occasionally, and she liked to do it by playing pick-up basketball with the guys at the gym. At the beginning of the year, she was inevitably the last person chosen, and she was chosen begrudgingly. And the guys all thought that it was hysterically funny to suggest playing shirts vs. skins, with Paige on the "skins" team. Paige took it in stride, though. She more than held her own on the court. Before long, her initially reluctant teammates were setting picks for her and dishing her the ball for one of her killer shots from three-point land.

She could also make a strong move to the basket, and, occasionally, guys tried to take advantage by copping a feel as they went up against her on defense. Paige never said anything in protest. She let her elbows do the talking - if she was feeling charitable. As they headed back up the court following the play, the offending player got a subtle but effective blow to the kidney. If Paige happened to be in a particularly foul mood, or if the offense against her had been especially flagrant, the blow came from her knee, and landed a little bit lower. No one ever had the balls, as it were, to go for a second feel.

* * *

Paige and Emily were doing a good enough job of getting along with each other; certainly, as teammates - or so they thought. Coach Meehan called them in a couple of weeks into the semester. It was unusual for him to meet with freshmen, so they knew that it had to be either very good news or very bad news. Coach told them that it was neither, but that they needed to put an end to their feuding, or their next meeting would be bad. He had seen this before: High school rivals who bring the rivalry with them to college. Emily and Paige needed to learn that they were on the same team if they intended to continue to swim for Stanford. He told them that they were adults, and that he extended scholarships to them with the expectation that they would behave as adults and work things out. He told them to work with their teammates, their coaches, and, if necessary, with the counselors that the athletic department kept on staff. He reminded them that they had been given a golden opportunity that they needed to make the most of, and that there were plenty of good swimmers out there who would be more than eager to take those opportunities, if Paige and Emily ended up squandering them.

Emily and Paige assured him that they would work things out. When they left his office, Emily's jaw dropped. She had no idea that this was why the coach had called them in. She knew that she and Paige were far from friends, but she had no idea that their animosity was so apparent that he had taken notice.

Paige glared at Emily with an accusing, I-told-you-so expression. Emily rolled her eyes. With Paige's look, it all made sense. Paige's overtures at friendship had all been part of her competitive plan. She hadn't changed a bit. It wasn't about a new Paige. It was the same Paige in new circumstances. Anything to get an advantage, whether it was the snubs from high school or the fake friendship at Stanford. Her level of respect for her roommate sank to an even deeper low.

But Coach Meehan's point had been made. They had to be teammates. They had to do better.

* * *

Even though Emily had lost almost all respect for Paige, she was very concerned what Paige thought of her. It was just her nature. There was a part of her that needed the approval of those close to her - and even, as in Paige's case, of those with whom she wasn't particularly close. Because of this, Emily tried to keep certain activities out of Paige's view. For example, one Friday night, Emily was planning to go to a sorority party. She knew what Paige would think about the fact that, first of all, Emily was neither studying nor training; second, that she was going to a party; and, third, making matters even worse, that it was a sorority party, which would probably involve underage drinking.

Emily knew that Paige was probably going to head to the library, as she often did on Friday nights, so she waited. Paige never budged from her desk. _Of course_ , Emily thought. _The one night Paige chooses not to study is the night that I've got plans for a party!_

"Are you heading out to the library tonight?" Emily was trying to sound nonchalant.

"No." Paige didn't bother to look up from her desk. "Figured I'd study here tonight."

"Oh."

Paige swiveled her chair around. "Why? Trying to get rid of me?"

"No..." Emily laughed nervously, hoping that she wasn't giving anything away. "No, of course not. I'm actually heading to Sydney's to study." Emily grabbed her book bag, into which she had loaded her party clothes earlier, just in case she had to sneak out. "I'll see you later - or I might sleep over."

"A sleep-over study date?" Paige smirked.

Emily chuckled nervously. "Yeah, well, you know Sydney and me. We'll probably get distracted and end up hanging out with a movie and some popcorn."

"Okay." Paige already had more than she wanted of this conversation. She swiveled back toward her desk. "Have fun."

* * *

Emily was having a great time at the party. She really enjoyed letting her hair down and cutting loose with her friends. Her room felt almost like a prison, where she had to watch her every step and word. It was so good to be able to take the night off from...

"Paige McCullers!"

Emily laughed sarcastically when Sydney yelled the name. She had gotten used to good-natured teasing from her teammates about the obvious animosity between her and her roommate. "Ha ha, very funny!"

"Hey, Paige!" Emily rolled her eyes and looked over to where Sydney was pointing, even though she didn't believe her for a second.

Across the room, Paige looked up just in time to see Emily's eyes find her. Paige looked away quickly, but, realizing that she'd been busted, looked back with a shy smile and a small wave.

Sydney kept yelling her name, waving her over. Emily yanked her arm down, demanding "What the hell are you doing?"

"What? I want to know what _Party Paige_ is like, don't you?"

"Okay, 'Party' and 'Paige' don't belong in a sentence together ever," Emily said bitterly. "Unless it's, 'Gee, I was having a great time at that _party_ until _Paige_ showed up.'"

"Oh, cool," Sydney said, completely ignoring Emily's outburst - and the attitude behind it. "She's coming over!"

Emily lowered her head, shaking it in disgust. _The party's over._

Sydney greeted Paige casually. Emily greeted her bitterly. "How's your Friday night study session?"

"Good!" Paige had obviously had a few. "How's your Netflix and chill?" she slurred. Emily sneered, not hiding her animosity. "I just decided I needed a lil break." Paige was swaying back and forth as she replied, apparently too far gone to pick up on or take offense at Emily's attitude.

"Uh huh," Emily said brusquely. "Well, enjoy it." she grabbed Sydney by the arm, muttering as she walked away. "I'm not drunk enough for this shit."

"Well, by all means, let's fix that," Sydney scoffed, "'Cause you're the one who's killing this party, not Paige."

Paige raised her glass sportingly as Sydney and Emily made their getaway to the bar.


	8. The Hangover

Emily woke up in a panic, with no memory of how the night before had ended. Her throat was dry, and she really needed to get to the bathroom - for a couple of reasons.

She had fallen asleep – or passed out – in the outfit that she was wearing the night before, and her slacks had bunched up and grown tight around her thighs. But they weren't the only thing tight around her. She peeked through half-lidded eyes and deduced that she had fallen asleep in Paige's bed. With Paige. Spooned up against Paige. And Paige was clenching her in a death-grip.

Emily's panic-level - and the feeling that she was going to throw up - only increased with this realization. The only thing worse than waking up in Paige McCullers' bed would be for Paige to know that Emily had awakened in her bed. Emily tried to slip out of Paige's arms, but Paige just tightened her grip, muttering to herself.

"Oh, Mr. Snuffles," she said, still asleep, "you smell soooooooo good!" She took a deep whiff of Emily's hair. "Daddy must've used a new fabric softener on you."

 _Daddy?_ Emily did her best to stifle a giggle.

"And you'll never leave me, like everybody else." Emily heard the pain in Paige's voice, and her heart broke a little. It was hard for her to reconcile what she was hearing with "Paige the Rage" McCullers.

"And you're soooooooo soft," sleeping Paige continued. She began running her arms up and down Emily's cashmere sweater. When her hands landed where they didn't belong, Emily shrieked in surprise, and Paige's head whipped up.

Emily didn't know what to do. She couldn't let Paige find her like that. She quickly made her voice deep and said, "Go back to sleep, Baby. You're having another bad dream."

"I'm sorry, Daddy." Emily thought that she picked up a twinge of fear in Paige's tone. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"And give me Mr. Snuffles. You're a big girl, now!"

"I know, Daddy," Paige said, releasing her grip on Emily. "I'll be a big girl and go to sleep all by myself. And I'll swim really fast tomorrow and make you really proud."

Emily suddenly felt guilty for what she had said. She didn't mean to stir up childhood trauma for Paige. Even more, though, Emily wanted to cry over the fact that Paige, it seemed, was never secure in her father's love for her. That actually explained a lot. "Don't worry, Baby Girl. Just sleep. You know that your daddy loves you."

"I love you, too, Daddy," Paige said eagerly, almost desperately. Emily, out of the bed and on her feet, leaned over and gave Paige a kiss on the cheek that sent an instant smile across Paige's face.

* * *

"And you're sure that she wasn't having you on? Just to cop a feel?"

Emily breathed deeply. "I'm sure. I mean, that's the first thing that I thought. But the things that she said to me – Paige would never be that vulnerable on purpose."

"Has she ever talked in her sleep before?"

Emily shrugged, even though Aria couldn't see through the phone. "I don't know. If she got as wrecked as I did last night… Let's face it, there's no telling. Who knows what I was doing in my sleep?"

"And she hasn't said anything about it?"

"I haven't seen her, yet. I don't know how she's going to react."

"And you have no idea…"

"No, Aria." Emily answered Aria's question for what felt like the hundredth time. "I have no idea how I ended up in her bed."

"Are you going to ask her?"

Emily shrugged again. She didn't answer verbally, but Aria figured out the answer from her silence. "Too bad you didn't have a webcam on – like that girl in that lesbian vampire web series that you used to be so obsessed with!"

"You can't tell anybody about this, okay?" Emily warned, ignoring Aria's Carmilla comment. "Especially not Hanna!"

"Emily..." Aria's tone was cautious. If they had learned anything from high school, it was not to keep secrets from each other.

"I know," Emily whined, "but, just, you know, don't volunteer the information."

"Oh, right," Aria teased. "I was just about to call Hanna and say, 'Guess who spent last night passed out in the bed of the roommate who hated her guts back in high school!' "

"I know that you won't say anything," Emily conceded. "It's just... there's a reason I called you instead of Hanna."

"Yeah, I was wondering about that!"

"I've just... I've got enough to process with what happened last night. And you know how Hanna is..."

"She'll say something inappropriate that makes you re-examine everything?"

"Exactly. And I knew that you, on the other hand, would only say something _appropriate_ to make me re-examine everything."

"Good one, Em! Nice save!"

* * *

Emily quickly got off the phone when she heard Paige's hand on the doorknob. Without thinking, she stashed her phone under the pillow, as if she were hiding evidence. She looked over at Paige with her usual half-smile, and Paige tipped her head, awkwardly, by way of greeting. Paige set her books down on her desk and turned awkwardly in her chair, trying to act casual.

Emily made Paige clear her throat a couple of times before she acknowledged that she was trying to get her attention and looked over in her direction. "So. Weird night last night, wasn't it?"

Emily smiled tentatively and nodded.

"What time did you make it home?"

"Yeah, I don't even know," Emily said honestly. "I woke up in the same clothes that I was wearing."

"You must've gotten up pretty early." Paige chuckled nervously. "You were gone by the time I woke up."

"Yeah. I really needed to go, and, while I was up, I just took a walk to clear my head."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Emily looked awkwardly back down at the book that she had begun pretending to read, and Paige swiveled her chair back in the direction of her desktop. She started tapping her thumb on the desk, an annoying and distracting habit that always got on Emily's nerves. But Emily was seeing Paige a little differently now, with a more sympathetic eye. And she really wanted to know how much of the previous night – not to mention, that morning – Paige remembered.

"Listen," Paige and Emily blurted out at the same time.

"You first," Emily said deferentially.

Paige backed the chair away from her desk and walked over to Emily's bed, standing awkwardly as she played with the hem of her shirt. "Well, I got kind of wasted last night," Paige mumbled feebly, "and I don't really ever do that. But, sometimes, when I do get like that… well, I've been told that I talk in my sleep. And cry, sometimes. So, I don't know whether or not I said or did anything that might have freaked you out, but, you know. If I said anything – just, don't take it too seriously, okay? I just, you know. Get dreams."

Emily nodded. "Bad dreams?" she asked, her face scrunched in concern. Paige shifted a bit, as if she were going to sit down on the bed, so Emily bent her knees to clear her legs out of the way. But Paige just stood there, with her body turned slightly away from Emily, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Just…" She remembered how warm and comfortable she felt, holding Mr. Snuffles again. _Definitely not a bad dream. A very good dream_. But then, she remembered her father taking Mr. Snuffles away from her. "Just weird dreams," she concluded with a shrug.

"Well, if you ever need to talk…" Emily returned Paige's shrug.

Paige smiled, and said, with bravado, "Talking's not my thing, Fields!" She gave Emily a wink that was as close to a thank-you as Emily knew she would get, and turned back to her desk.

And Emily was left to wonder how much, if anything, her roommate truly remembered about that morning.

Emily couldn't say that she was surprised by this behavior. It was the same pattern that she had seen after Paige's freak-out on the airplane. Paige was polite enough to offer a thank-you, but beyond that, as far as Paige was concerned, the situation simply never happened.

And yet, Emily couldn't get beyond the things that Paige had said when her subconscious thought that she was talking to her father. One of the courses of study that Emily was considering majoring in was early education, and, in one of the introductory courses that she was taking, she had to read a lot of case studies on childhood trauma and its long-term effects. She couldn't imagine the kind of family life that Paige had grown up in, but she could understand how that background made her who she was. Emily sighed as she tried to decide whether or not it was a good idea to do what she was about to do. In the end, she just plunged in.

"Paige, is everything okay with you and your father?" Paige slammed her book shut and was about to respond, but, before she could, Emily blurted out, "Because, I know that it was just a dream, but, sometimes, dreams – especially recurring dreams – have some sort of reason behind them. And sometimes, it just helps to be able to talk about it. So, I guess, I just wanted to let you know that you can always talk to me. About anything. Emily quickly added, "And I'd like to think that I could talk to you, too." She hoped that last part would keep Paige from taking her offer as condescending, or thinking that Emily had picked up on some sign of weakness in her. "I mean, we're roommates, after all, and teammates."

Paige nodded her head in acknowledgment or thanks and turned back to her work. Emily, too, turned back to her work, content in the knowledge that she had, at least, made an effort. She held out hope that, sooner or later, that effort would pay off.

* * *

Things between them were even more awkward in the days that followed. Whenever Paige walked through the door, she took a look over at Emily's bed and desk and, if Emily was there, said, "Oh," dipped her head, and retreated to her own bed or desk.

As time went by, Emily stopped worrying about whatever childhood trauma had shaped Paige into what she had become. If Emily had learned anything from her high school relationships, it was that she couldn't fix everyone. And, if Paige wasn't even interested in talking things through, why should Emily even pretend that she could help her? Since Paige insisted on playing the role of the tough chick who didn't need anybody and who didn't talk about feelings, it didn't take Emily long to forget what she had heard from Paige's subconscious mind and go back to her previous pattern of silent tolerance of her roommate.


	9. Sleeping with the Enemy

After practice on Friday, the team's last tune-up before their meet against the University of Texas, Coach Dugan, one of the assistants, ran down the roster of the opposing team's swimmers. She ticked off their names and graduating classes, adding a one-line summary from the scouting reports.

As she went through the list in alphabetical order, one of the first names that she read was that of a junior fly- and freestyle-specialist, Samara Baker.

As soon as Coach Dugan read Samara's name, Emily's mind started to wander. She hadn't seen or been in contact with Samara since that summer after her sophomore year at Rosewood High. She wondered what Samara had been up to over the years, and whether or not she ever thought about her and that summer. She wondered how Samara had reacted to hearing Emily's name when the coach at UT ran through Stanford's roster. For an instant, she kidded herself that Samara wouldn't even remember her, although she knew that that wasn't the case.

Emily felt an elbow in her side and looked to see Paige, standing next to her, with a concerned look on her face. "You okay?" she whispered, and Emily nodded, feeling her cheeks start to flush. Of course, Paige, the queen of competitiveness, had noticed that she wasn't fully in the zone. Emily could have resented Paige's rebuke, but she knew that Paige was right, this time. She shouldn't have lost her focus. She knew that Samara wouldn't be thrown off her game at the mention of the name, "Emily Fields." Samara was older; more sophisticated. Even if she did think of Emily, her memory was just of a silly wide-eyed high school freshman.

Emily felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up, annoyed at the interruption to her thoughts. She was surprised at the expression in Paige's eyes. Paige didn't look angry or fed up. She looked concerned for Emily. Emily understood, of course. It was a big meet, and Paige wanted the team to be at its best. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll be okay."

* * *

The meet was well-contested the next day. Each side swam hard. Unlike high school, at Stanford, the freshmen were an integral part of the competition. Emily and Paige acquitted themselves well. They had much to be proud of.

Emily had never seen Samara swim in competition before. The girl was talented. Emily couldn't help smile at her - at her _opponent_ \- inexplicably proud at the way that Samara tore through the water.

As the race wound down, Emily began to feel anxiety - a lot like the anxiety that she felt at the tail end of her first date with Samara. This time, rather than fear over whether or not they would kiss, and how the kiss would go, the fear was over whether or not she should go talk to Samara, and, if so, how the talk would go.

And, as she had with their first kiss, Samara supplied the answer. After the teams had shaken hands, Samara doubled back around and sought out Emily. They caught up briefly before Samara dropped the bomb.

"So, are you seeing anyone?"

"Nope!" Emily answered too quickly, smiling too eagerly, before she realized how pathetic and desperate she must have sounded. She quickly back-pedaled. "I mean, I dated in high school, but I'm not seeing anyone right now..." _Oh, God, Emily! As if Samara even cares!_

Emily felt like that shy, dorky high school girl all over again.

Samara's fingers landed gently on Emily's forearm. "Well, that's good," she said, ignoring or oblivious to Emily's internal turmoil. "So, it wouldn't be inappropriate if we got together for a catch-up before curfew tonight?"

Emily was relieved that Samara had responded in a way that didn't make her feel like such a desperate loser. But, then again, Samara was never like that. They made plans to meet for dinner after their showers and team meetings.

Emily glanced away from Samara just in time to catch a glimpse of Paige, who looked as if she were about to explode. _Great,_ Emily thought, internally rolling her eyes. _Now I'll have to deal with the wrath of Paige, for cozying up to the competition._

Paige quickly looked away from Emily's eyes. Emily put the smile back onto her face as she shifted her attention back to Samara, just in time to miss seeing her distracted roommate walk straight into a pole on her way to the locker room.

* * *

After Emily got dressed, she groped around the bottom of her gym bag, looking for the charm bracelet that Samara had given her at the end of their summer together. She never really wore the bracelet, but she kept it as sort of a good-luck charm. She stared at it for a moment before, with a smile, she put it on. She took it off again as soon as she got it latched, though. At first, she thought that seeing the bracelet would be a sweet reminder to Samara of their time together, but once it was on, it just looked like a huge, "I'm a loser" sign hanging from her wrist. She really hadn't spent the last two years pining over Samara, and she didn't want it to look that way. She tossed the bracelet back into the bottom of her bag.

After Coach brought the team in for a final high five, Paige caught up with Emily to walk with her back to the dorm, as she always did. "Actually," Emily told her, "I'll meet you back there. I'm going to go catch up with an old friend for a bit."

Emily didn't notice that Paige stopped in her tracks at those words, with her shoulders slumped. So, it was true. Emily hadn't just been sharing sportsman-like congratulations with a rival swimmer. The gorgeous blonde from UT was "an old friend." Paige scoffed audibly.

* * *

It was a good two hours - closer to three, actually - when Emily made it back to the room. Paige had been keeping track of every minute as it dragged by. Although she tried her best to let it go, every second that Emily wasn't home just added to the weight on her heart and the fear of what was happening between her roommate and Blondie from UT.

When she heard Emily's key in the lock, she quickly stopped her pacing and jumped into the chair in front her desk, grabbing a pencil to make it appear that she had been taking notes from the textbook that she quickly threw open.

Emily entered the room smiling, with the soundtrack of "Grease" playing in her head. As soon as Paige looked up at her, she neutralized her expression, almost guiltily. "Sorry," she said, looking down.

"So?" Paige's tone was accusing.

"So?" Emily retorted. She was not in the mood.

"How did things go with your _friend_?"

Emily ignored the bitterness in Paige's tone and just told her that they had had a nice time catching up. She and Samara had gone to dinner, and, to some extent, it felt like old times. "She was my first love," Emily explained, smiling in spite of Paige.

The best thing about the dinner was that it showed them both that they were still friends. Nothing more. They didn't discuss it in words, but they both just knew it, and they were content.

Emily didn't discuss their just-friends status with Paige, either. It never would have occurred to her that it would even matter to Paige. "We're definitely going to keep in touch," she concluded. Paige couldn't stifle a grunt. Emily rolled her eyes, annoyed that all of the joy that she had felt a few moments ago had suddenly been sucked out of the room by Paige McCullers. She was going to let it go, but she was fed up with Paige being Paige. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Paige felt bad about the way that she had let her feelings show, especially when she saw the effect that her grunt had had on Emily. But she couldn't tell Emily the real reason that she had reacted the way that she did. Even if she were able to admit to herself that it was jealousy, that was the last thing that Emily would want to hear.

"I just... Don't you think... I don't know, Emily." Paige stood, moving closer to the safety zone of her bed and rubbed at her crinkled forehead. "Do you really think that you should be dating the competition?" she finally came up with, gesturing with the hand that had been rubbing at her forehead.

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.

"Oh, God" Emily raised her arms above her head and looked at the ceiling. "Here we go!" Her arms dropped back down to her thighs with a loud smack. "It's all about _dominating the competition_." Emily's tone was sarcastic and over the top for that last phrase, and her head swung wildly as she said it. "What the fuck was I thinking? Jeez, Paige, couldn't you just once be happy for someone else? Just because you've decided to go through life miserable and alone..."

Paige felt her knees give way as she fell onto her bed.

"Oh, God, Paige, I didn't mean that!" Emily sat down next to Paige on the bed, with a hand on her shoulder. "You know I didn't mean it! I swear that I don't think of you that way!"

Paige stood up, shaking her head with her back turned to Emily so that Emily couldn't see her struggling not to cry.

"Paige?"

"I'm out of here."

Paige took two giant steps to the door and, once it closed behind her, sank back against the wall in the hallway, breathing heavily but not allowing herself to cry.

Emily sat on Paige's bed for another few seconds, overcome with guilt. She got up with a sigh and headed toward the door. When Paige heard her footsteps, she quickly ducked into the neighbors' doorway, pressing her shoulders back against their door in an attempt to make herself invisible.

Emily opened the door and looked to her left and to her right, but Paige was nowhere in sight. "Shit," Emily said before she pulled herself back into the room and closed the door behind her.

* * *

Paige spent the rest of the evening in the student lounge on the first floor of the building, not going back to her room until she was sure that Emily would be asleep.

The following morning, Paige woke up to a gentle prodding on her shoulder. When she rolled over and saw Emily's half-smiling face, she rolled back over again.

When Emily saw Paige turn away from her, she sat on Paige's bed and folded her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, Paige," she said softly.

Paige shrugged faintly under the covers.

"I don't know why I said what I said. You've got to believe me, Paige: It just came out. But, even so, I should never have said that. And I'm really sorry. And I hope that you'll forgive me."

Emily sat on Paige's bed for a few more seconds, staring at her hands. Paige didn't budge. She knew that things didn't "just come out." In the heat of the moment, the things that come out are the things that people really feel, but keep buried deep inside, lest they spill out in polite conversation. Paige wasn't mad at Emily. She was wounded.

Emily, although she knew that she shouldn't have said what she said, couldn't understand why Paige was taking it so hard. Paige was always so cold and dispassionate.

Emily never could have guessed the real reason. Not even Paige had fully come to grips with it. The pain that she was feeling was the kind that can only be inflicted by a person whom someone has strong feelings for. The implications of that were something that Paige would need time to process.

* * *

It took some time, but, eventually, Paige and Emily's relationship got back to what it had been before that fateful night: An uneasy truce; a necessary alliance. It took longer than it should have, because they hardly spoke to each other, even in the best of times. But time heals all wounds. The fact that they depended on each other as teammates and training partners helped.


	10. Dear Diary

_Dear Diary,_

 _Okay, so first off, I'll admit it: I feel like a ditzy adolescent girl writing those two words..._

 _The fact is, I've got something on my mind that I need to tell someone before my head explodes, and it's not the sort of thing that I can share with any of my friends. So, it'll have to be you, dear Diary (ugh! I wrote them again!). Even though I know that no one will ever read this, I'm sure that it will help just getting the words out._

 _So, here goes._

 _I'm in love with my roommate. Or falling in love with her. Or just falling for her. I don't know. It's just overpowering and overwhelming and it's driving me crazy, to the point that I can't concentrate on my studies, my training, or my swimming._

 _But it's complicated. Of course._

 _We got off on the wrong foot. And it was completely my fault. You know how I get. Emily and I were rivals, and I was just terrible to her._

 _And now that we're teammates, she hates my guts._

 _Well, no. I find it hard to believe that Emily could ever hate anyone, no matter how evil that person is. (This is the person, after all, who held my hand(!) during my freak-outs on the plane, without a word, without my having to ask her to do it, without telling anybody - and she did it over and over, even when I was an asshole about it. And an asshole in general, actually.)_

 _So, no, she doesn't hate me. But she has no respect for me, which, coming from Emily, is almost as bad. There's a thin line between love and hate, as the cliché goes, but how can she ever love someone whom she doesn't respect?_

 _When we drove out to Stanford, I tried to convince her that I'm a different person, but I fell flat on my face. If anything, I made things worse. I guess she saw the real me, and, even though I thought I'd changed - I know that I've changed - there's still a lot of Old Paige in me._

 _I'm going to have to convince that I can become a totally different Paige; a better Paige. Paige 2.0. Not just for Emily, but for myself. I want to be the kind of person she can respect, even come to like, maybe. I don't know._

 _It's not going to be easy. But I'm used to doing things the hard way. And it may not win me Emily's love. I have to be okay with that. I can't control that. Right now, I'd settle for having Emily consider me a friend. And if that's all that I ever am to her, so be it. But no one's going to work harder at changing her mind than I will._

 _I'll keep you posted, dear Diary. :)_

 _Love,_

 _P._

* * *

Paige hunted around for a place to stash the notebook that she had used as her diary. Under the mattress was the obvious choice. The sock drawer, she reasoned, was also commonly used in these kinds of situations. But the best place to hide something, as she remembered reading, was in plain sight, so she put it next to the other spiral notebooks lined up in a perfect row on the shelf above her desk. It's not as if Emily would go snooping through her notebooks anyway - although a part of Paige wished that she would: Emily would need to borrow Paige's notes from some class (for a friend, since they didn't have any classes together) and would help herself, because Paige wasn't in the room, but would grab the wrong notebook by mistake. Or Paige would leave the book out when she took a phone call and, in her haste to leave the room, would forget to put it away, and Emily would stumble across it. Or one of those earthquakes that California was known for would hit, and Emily would take shelter under Paige's desk. And, in a twist of fate, the notebook would get jarred from the shelf and fall right in front of her, opened to the page where Paige declared her undying love for her. Or something.

Paige knew that it was silly to think that Emily would ever see the feelings that she was confiding in her diary, but she couldn't help hoping that, somehow, one way or another, Emily it really _would_ happen. At least the truth would be out there. And, even if Emily didn't return the feelings - or never even acknowledged that she knew of Paige's feelings - she would know how Paige really felt about her.

It was the thought that Emily might find the diary that kept Paige from writing about her biggest secret, although she really wanted to be able to put it into words, so that she could process it. But because that was too risky to write it out, she replayed that secret over and over in her head instead: The dream. The one in which she was peaceful and carefree, lying in bed with her childhood teddy bear. All of a sudden, though, it was Emily in her arms, and Paige got the sensation of what she imagined Emily's supple breast would feel like in her hands. She had a twinge of guilt at the memory, even though she knew that she couldn't control where her mind went when she was asleep. She felt another twinge just thinking about it; this one, between her thighs, and she stood up to to shake herself out of it and tug on the leg of her jeans, which were suddenly feeling tight against her crotch.

After the dream, when Paige made her preemptive apology to Emily for anything that she may have said while she was asleep, Emily asked about her dad. Paige had no recollection of having dreamed about him, but it was just as well that Emily concluded that he was the subject of her dream. That was far better than having Emily know whom - and what - had actually happened in her subconscious mind.

* * *

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Okay, this whole crush situation has gotten out of control._

 _Believe me when I say that it was never a physical thing. Unless you count how much I enjoyed the feeling of holding Emily's hand and falling asleep on her soft but strong shoulder on the plane. But even though that sounds like a physical thing, it wasn't. The physical was only a small part of it. Mainly, it was about the feeling of comfort and safety and home._

 _And, okay, that night when we shared a bed at the hotel was... eye-opening, but it wasn't so much Emily as the thought that a relation with a woman was actually an alternative._

 _Anyway - the point is,the attraction that I feel for Emily has always been more emotional; spiritual. She's so caring, and - nice, and just so fucking - "good." It would be impossible_ not _to fall for her._

 _And, yes, I said the attraction "has been." Because whatever else it is or was, it's definitely also physical, now._

 _But it's not my fault._

 _Can you imagine, Diary, what it's like to share a room with Emily? The way that she sits cross-legged on the bed with a textbook in her lap and crinkles up her forehead in concentration? The way she taps her pencil on the bedspread, opening and closing her mouth as she tries to memorize a formula? The way she's constantly pushing her hair out of her face because she refuses to put it up, because, when it's down, she can wrap a strand underneath her nose when she's concentrating extra hard? The way she grabs her hands behind her back and arches into a stretch?_

 _And I won't even begin to talk about what it's like at the pool, or in the locker room..._

 _Oh, God! I'm becoming a stalker! I'm stalking my own roommate!_

 _I saw this quote on Tumblr. I'm not sure who said it first, but whoever it was could've been reading my mind: "Her eyes have their own vocabulary. What a beautiful language to learn."_

 _God. I wish I could say something like that to her face. While I'm looking into those eyes._

 _Anyway, here's the reason that I started down this road in the first place tonight._

 _Emily got a call from one of her friends from Rosewood. I got up to give her some privacy, but she shook her head and motioned with her palm pointing down, telling me to sit. So, as I'm sitting here writing this, she's smiling. And laughing with Aria. Now, she collapsed backwards from her usual cross-legged position onto her back, cradling the phone with her shoulder as she stares at her fingernails with her arms stretched up toward the ceiling._

 _There's nothing more beautiful than a confident woman with a pure heart who loves life and knows how to laugh._

 _Shit. I've got it bad._

 _I'm screwed._

 _Love,_

 _P._

Paige wrote with a shaky hand as she tried her best to tune out the conversation that her roommate was having. She felt a little creepy, actually writing about her crush on Emily during the very moments that it was playing out in front of her.

Emily got up and took the conversation out to the hallway after a bit. Paige let out a deep breath, only then realizing how shallow her breathing had been, as if her lungs were trying to be on their best behavior, like a drunk driver who tries extra hard to act normal in a vain attempt at convincing the cop who pulled him over that he's sober.

Paige knew that Emily had gone outside because her friend had asked about her roommate. And she acknowledged that it was fair, whatever it was that Emily was saying about her. She knew that she had a lot of ground to make up in Emily's eyes, but she wasn't worried. They still had a fair amount of the school year left. She was confident that she could, at least, get to the point where Emily was willing to room with her again, for sophomore year - if only for the sake of the team.

* * *

 _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

 _Why am I like this?_

 _Today was horrible. I was shit in the water. Just totally off. God. I just got so frustrated & angry. _

_& the freshman coach called me on it. Fuck her. I was not in the mood. I tore into her, getting into her face. And she gave it right back to me. And finally, I flipped her off and turned around. _

_And saw Emily._

 _She looked devastated. Disappointed. No, worse than disappointed. Ashamed. Not ashamed of the way that I was behaving. Emily was ashamed of me._

 _And I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't even look at her. Her arms were crossed, and, as she went to uncross them, I just tilted my chin up at her. I'm sure it came off as "Fuck you," but that's not what I meant at all. And I know that I only made things worse. And I just feel like crying right now._

 _Maybe she was going to hug me, or rub my shoulder - or smack me. But here I am, trying to convince her that I'm not that same old Paige. And here I am, doing nothing except convincing her that I am that same old Paige._

 _Fuck._

 _I'm sorry, Emily._

* * *

Emily avoided going back to her room for as long as she could. She finally showed up about an hour after dinner, greeting Paige with the grunt that had become their usual way of saying, "Hello," "I'm back," or, "Glad you didn't get killed by some psycho with an ice pick."

Paige waited for Emily to go through her back-in-the-room routine before she showed up on what had unofficially become Emily's side of the room. "I'm sorry," she said in a low, even tone, her hands fidgeting in the pockets of her sweatpants and her head dipped toward the carpet.

"You don't need to apologize to me, Paige. You need to apologize to Coach."

Paige wanted to scream, "But I do need to apologize to you, because I hurt you, and you matter to me!" But she didn't want to be argumentative. She was trying to change. "I will," she said, her voice shaky.

Emily nodded.

Paige shrugged her shoulders. Before she turned around, she said softly, "I'm trying to change, Emily. To do better."

Emily nodded.

Paige accepted that. She knew that she hadn't earned anything more from Emily - no encouragement or affirmation. She had never even intended to tell Emily that she was trying to change. She had hoped to show her. Actions speak louder than words. And, sadly, her actions were still screaming, "Same old Paige."

* * *

 **A/N - You have all been so very kind to this story, and I just wanted to say thanks. :)  
**


	11. Truth or Dare

**A/N - To the guest who asked whether Paige identifies as gay & is out to her parents and to Emily: **

**Paige dated guys in high school only because she saw it as the "right" thing to do to achieve her goals. Now that she's made it to Stanford and gotten some distnce from her dad, she's allowing herself to entertain the attraction to women that she always repressed. She hasn't shared this with anyone.**

 **I hope this answers your questions. Thanks for asking!**

* * *

Paige and Emily were sitting cross-legged on the floor on opposite sides of a circle formed by their teammates. They were at Sydney Driscoll's house in San Leandro, about an hour's drive from campus. The season was over, Sydney's parents were away, and the team was in the mood to let loose.

"Never have I ever... not slept with a guy."

"Wait, what? What does that even mean?"

"It means drink if you've never slept with a guy," Shana explained drunkenly. "It means Emily hasn't been drinking enough, and, damn it - I want to see her take a drink!"

Emily rolled her eyes and kicked back a shot, but she wasn't the only one.

Everyone was surprised that the girl sitting on the opposite side of the circle also took a shot. "Paige?" Paige just shrugged.

When it came around to Emily's turn, she went for a little revenge. "Okay, never have I ever NOT slept with a girl!"

"Okay, if Paige drinks this time, watch out!" Shana pointed an accusing finger in Paige's direction, "She'll probably try to get us to join whatever religious cult she's a member of!"

Paige drank nonchalantly, as did most of the other girls.

"Seriously?"

"I'm told I'm frigid." Paige shrugged, saying the word with no emotion, having become numb to it over the last two years of high school. The kids in her school were too immature to accept a strong, driven woman who had other things on her mind than getting laid.

"Well, maybe you just haven't met the right guy..." Sydney paused dramatically. "Or gal!" Everyone laughed, the shots having reduced them to giggly schoolgirls. Paige laughed, nervously, and stole a glance at Emily. Emily, fortunately, was looking the other way.

* * *

Paige wasn't really drunk by the time the game switched to Truth or Dare, but she was sufficiently lubricated to have lost her inhibitions. "Truth!" she said confidently. "I've got nothing to hide!"

"Do you have a crush on any of your teammates?" Shana decided to do a little fishing, since Paige had never officially declared a major, so to speak.

 _Nothing to_ hide... Paige thought - _except that._ Paige dipped her head, which caused all of her teammates to cheer knowingly. "Yes," she said, barely loud enough to be heard above their cheers, and she peeked shyly at Emily. Emily was smiling like the rest of the team - perhaps more than the rest of them were, smugly celebrating the rare show of vulnerability in the way that Paige averted her eyes. But, when she looked over for another glimpse of humbled Paige and caught Paige peeking at her, her smile was replaced by a look of confusion. There seemed to be something - a hint of yearning or of pleading - in the look that Paige was giving her. And maybe it explained the real reason that they had fought after Emily's date with Samara. And maybe it explained why Paige was so desperate for Emily to understand that she was trying to be a better person.

Maybe it explained a lot of things.

The game continued while Emily mentally reviewed several of her interactions with her roommate from the past few weeks. Not surprisingly, given Emily's looks and her sweet disposition, there were always people around her, male and female, who developed feelings for her. She was usually pretty aware of it, when it happened. But it never would have entered her mind, given their history - not to mention their present - that Paige might think of her that way.

Emily was still off in her own world when the game wound its way around to Sydney. Emily was startled back into the present when she heard Sydney call her name. Without having time to think it through, she heard herself blurting out, "Dare."

"I dare you," Sydney said, taking a dramatic pause before she pointed theatrically at Paige, "to kiss your roommate for fifteen seconds!"

It wasn't a random choice. Everybody on the team knew that Paige and Emily barely got along, and that they only tolerated each for the sake of the team. Everyone was eager to see them thrust into a situation that would make them squirm.

Emily looked at Paige, who immediately dipped her head. "Fine!" she said, in an exaggerated tone, trying to sound casual and jokey, although her insides were doing a nervous dance.

Paige stood up and summoned all of her courage. This was a moment that she had dreamed of; not the opportunity to know the feeling of Emily's lips against hers, but the opportunity to be able to use her own lips to communicate, in a way that they never could with words, what she really felt for Emily.

Emily walked over to her with a genial smile and a shrug of her shoulders. Fifteen seconds didn't seem very long, in the scheme of things. But a lot can happen in fifteen seconds.

"15, 14, 13..."

Paige didn't just stand there and let herself be kissed. Within the first five seconds, she was in control of the kiss.

"12, 11, 10..."

The hoots and whistles of their teammates gradually faded from Emily's ears as she felt herself starting to drown in Paige's lips. All of a sudden, there was no one else in the room; there was nothing else; there was only Paige, and being kissed by Paige.

"9, 8, 7..."

Emily felt her head tilt back under the force of Paige's onslaught, and without any cue from Paige, Emily's lips parted. She felt a clenching - and an undeniable wetness - between her legs.

"6, 5, 4..."

Paige accepted the opening provided by Emily's parted lips and artfully worked her tongue inside Emily's mouth. Emily moaned, tangling her fingers in Paige's hair. Paige's hands were somehow on the back of Emily's shoulders, pulling her in tighter.

"3, 2, 1..."

"Guys? Guys!"

"Somebody dump a pail of cold water on those two!"

"Hey! Joke's over!" Sydney pulled at Emily's shoulders to separate her from Paige. "Emily?"

Paige's eyes were closed as she felt Emily being pulled away from her, so she didn't see the dazed smile on Emily's face. Emily had never been kissed like that before. It was a rush - and not just the kiss. It was the cumulative effect of all the clues that she had been assembling in her head as the night progressed. The kiss was the final confirmation, and it sent her adrenaline levels into overload. Her heart was racing, and her stomach was filled with that feeling of butterflies that comes when one is on the verge of new possibilities.

Emily opened her eyes at the same time that Paige did, only to see the look of regret on Paige's face. Paige knew that she had let herself get carried away in the kiss, and, in so doing, had destroyed any chance that she may ever have had to rehabilitate herself in Emily's eyes. Emily, who didn't respect her to begin with, would think even less of her for having taken advantage of the situation.

To Emily, though, Paige's regret looked like disgust. It was like those fake handshakes at the end of their high school swim meets all over again. Paige was messing with her head - giving her a mind-blowing kiss and showing her how disgusting it felt to her.

Emily suddenly felt sick. She turned and ran out of the room.

The rest of the team just sat in stunned silence. Paige climbed over them out of the circle, chasing after Emily. She cornered her in the kitchen and called out her name, pleading.

"No." Emily shook her head, forcing a smile. "I get it." She made herself look Paige in the eyes, doing her best to pretend that the kiss hadn't affected her. "It was just a joke," she rationalized, trying to make sense of the look of disgust that she had gotten from Paige. "We really put one over on the team."

Paige looked down at her feet, completely defeated. It would've been one thing if, after she had given Emily the best kiss that she could muster, Emily had rejected her. But the fact that she didn't even matter enough for Emily to take the kiss seriously was too much for her to handle.

Paige was strong, though. She picked her head up and nodded, her expression blank. "Yeah," she said, using all of her inner strength to sound okay. "We totally fooled them."

* * *

Neither Paige nor Emily got much sleep that night. Emily was confused and frustrated. Paige was lovestruck and injured.

Emily got up in the early hours of Saturday morning to get some coffee. Paige was already in the kitchen with a cup, and she gestured Emily toward the pot that she had made. Emily smiled reflexively and, without thinking, squeezed Paige's shoulder as she walked past on her way to the coffee.

When Emily offered to drive back to campus early, Paige didn't have to be asked twice. She couldn't get away from Sydney's house and the memory of that Friday night fast enough. Emily woke up Shana, since the three of them had shared a ride to Sydney's place in Emily's car. Shana woke up just long enough to assure them that she would be able to catch a ride back to campus with Sydney.

* * *

On a lonely stretch of road, in the deep-orange glow of early morning, Paige and Emily heard a loud pop right before the car swerved sharply to the left. Emily shouted, "Oh shit!" as she jerked at the steering wheel, fighting desperately to regain control. Paige reached across the console and helped steer, and, soon, the two of them managed to get the car safely off to the shoulder.

Emily sank back into her seat, breathing heavily. She looked over to Paige, who had a hand on her shoulder and was asking whether or not she was all right.

"What the fuck just happened?" Emily asked, breathless and still coming down from the fear-fueled adrenaline rush.

"Are you all right?" Paige repeated urgently.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Emily assured her, giving her hand a light squeeze. "What the hell just happened?"

"You got a flat," Paige said in a calming voice.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" Emily whipped out her phone and swiped it unlocked. She groaned when she saw that wasn't getting a signal. " _This_ is just perfect!"

"Emily, look at me!" When Emily, the anger evident on her face, looked over, Paige continued, calmly. "It's going to be okay."

"How, Paige? Huh? Tell me! We're in the middle of nowhere, I can't get a signal, and who knows when someone will come by who can help us? And, if someone _does_ come, it'll probably be an axe murderer!"

"It's okay, Emily." Paige couldn't help putting her hand comfortingly on Emily's thigh. The touch actually helped to calm her.

Emily shrugged, letting out a breath to calm herself. "I guess we wait."

Paige nodded, but reached for the fob in the ignition and hit the button to pop the trunk open. "Yeah. You just sit tight, Emily. I'll take care of that tire."

"Paige!"

But Paige was already out of the car. Emily heard her rummaging through the trunk, pulling out their bags to get at the jack and the doughnut. Through the rear view mirror, she saw the look of determination on Paige's face as she closed the trunk and set to work. Emily shook her head in bemusement. She pulled her jacket around her shoulders and got out of the car.

By the time Emily got out of the car, Paige was kneeling on the ground, maneuvering the jack into place. "Can I help?" Emily asked weakly - and a bit guiltily - with her arms folded in front of her.

"I got it!" Paige said, without looking up. "Just wait in the car - this will only take a minute."

Emily huffed at Paige's stubbornness. She pulled opened the driver's side door and reached for her phone, using the flashlight app to give Paige some light. Paige smiled at Emily's gesture. "That helps," she said sincerely, "but don't run down your battery."

Emily kept the light on the tire, shifting her phone from hand to hand occasionally as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, until Paige finished. She needed to do _something_ , even if all that she could do was hold the flashlight.

After a few minutes, Paige was rearranging the bags in the trunk to make space to put the flat tire in. She rolled it around the side of the car and hoisted it inside. Emily was too slow when she tried to give Paige a hand, so she could only watch as Paige lifted the tire off the ground and up into the trunk by herself.

Paige lowered the jack and put it back into the trunk. She wiped her hands quickly on her jeans, which were already stained from contact with the spare, before she noticed a rag in the trunk. She grabbed it and used it to wipe her hands properly.

Emily, who was hanging around Paige like a puppy, grabbed her from behind with a hug around her waist. Paige turned around with a shy smile. "Thank you," Emily said, placing the softest kiss on Paige's cheek. Paige was done. She couldn't look up. She couldn't help smiling. She just shrugged her shoulders and kept wiping her hands with the rag .

"Shall we get back on the road?" Emily asked sweetly, and Paige nodded her head vigorously. Anything to get out of that awkward spot that she was in. She tossed the rag back into the trunk and closed it, risking a glance at Emily. Emily was giving her the warmest smile, and it made Paige retreat to the passenger seat.

Emily settled into her seat and fastened her belt. She could sense how uncomfortable Paige was. She was having a hard time convincing herself that she didn't know why Paige was acting so adorably shy. "Why don't you get some rest?" she asked, not thinking what she was doing as she rubbed Paige's thigh. "I'll wake you if there's another emergency," she said with a wink.

Paige chuckled nervously at the joke that Emily used to release the tension. "Yeah, I'm pretty beat," she said. She knew that Emily was offering her a lifeline by telling her to sleep, and she took it eagerly.

Emily kept glancing over at her sleeping roommate as she drove back to campus. Paige looked content; peaceful, beautiful. Of course, it wasn't the first time that Emily had picked up on Paige's physical beauty, but it was her first glimpse of it without the obscuring filter of Paige's ugly personality.

Emily was replaying the events of the weekend in her mind, and the composite picture that they painted was getting clearer and clearer.

Paige shifted in her sleep, and Emily couldn't help reaching over and brushing the hair away from her face. Her hand lingered on Paige's cheek. They both had smiles on their faces.

* * *

 **A/N - Just for the record, I update every day, although FF sometimes doesn't show that the story was updated. (There's a reason that I start stories on the 1st of the month: That way, the chapter number = the day of the month - in my time zone, at least...) Mondays - Thursdays, I update right around 0900 GMT/UTC. The rest of the week, I usually update by 1300 GMT/UTC. So, not that you have to read every day, but if I leave you hanging & FF doesn't show that the story has been updated, it might be worth checking anyway. :) **

**Thanks so much for reading, even with all the angst... :(**


	12. Marry, Kill, or Friend-zone

Emily pulled into the parking lot and gave Paige's knee a gentle squeeze. "Wake up, Sleepyhead," she said with a playful lilt. "We're here!"

Paige jumped at the touch and then relaxed, once the sleep started to drift away and she realized where she was. Emily put her hands in her lap and turned towards Paige slightly. "Thank you, Paige," she said with a serious expression. "And not just for taking care of the tire." Her eyes drifted down to her hands, which had begun fidgeting in her lap. I was really freaking out for a minute and..." She stared beyond Paige, through the side window. "Well, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here with me."

Paige flashed her bashful smile and dipped her head. "It's nothing that you haven't done for me," she said, downplaying her helpfulness. "Several times." Emily touched Paige's cheek - the same spot that she had kissed earlier. The spot that Paige had been longing to touch with her own palm ever since Emily's lips landed there.

With a sigh, Emily turned away from Paige and climbed out of the car. When Emily popped the trunk open, Paige got to work pulling all of their bags out. Emily reached in to help, but Paige shrugged her off. "Let me. I slept the whole time you were driving. It's the least I can do."

Emily was standing behind Paige, grateful that Paige couldn't see the adoring smile on her face. She stepped aside and let Paige get everything, knowing that Paige needed to do it. She knew that Paige felt the need to make up for all of the things that she had done - and had been - to Emily through the years, but, to Emily, all of that was starting to feel like ancient history.

Emily rushed ahead of Paige to open every door between the car and their room. Once Paige trundled everything inside, she dropped all of their bags in the middle of the floor, pushing Emily's bags to the side of Emily's bed and her own to the side of her bed. She turned around toward Emily as Emily twisted the lock on the ddoo. Paige just stood there, as if waiting for her next instructions.

Emily smiled as she walked up to Paige in the middle of the room. Paige's heart began racing and she tensed up, petrified at the thought of what was happening. Emily came so close that Paige had to steady herself to keep from backing away. Emily gave her a hug and said, "Thank you so much, Paige. You were really my knight in shining armor today." Paige stood immobile as a tree and let herself be hugged. As Emily pulled away, she touched her palm to Paige's cheek. Again. _Why did it have to feel so good, every damned time?_

Paige knew the answer.

The two of them looked at each other for a long moment. Paige didn't know what to do. She wanted to say something, and before her thoughts could catch up with her mouth, Emily's name escaped her lips. Emily looked into her eyes expectantly, but Paige shook her head and waved it off. "Nothing," she said. Emily nodded her head in understanding.

Paige picked up her bag, set it on top of her bed, and started to unpack. Without looking over at Emily, she began, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that kiss last night." She looked over at Emily and added, "I pushed it too far." Shaking her head as she looked down at the ground, she concluded, "I was way out of line."

Emily shook her head, wishing that Paige would look at her. "It was fine, Paige." Even though Emily still didn't understand the look of disgust on Paige's face after the kiss, she had enough evidence to believe that Paige wasn't being malicious.

Paige shrugged and went back to unpacking, so Emily picked up her bag and did the same. "Paige?"

Paige looked up, and Emily shook her head, waving her off. Paige nodded in understanding. As she opened the closet to throw some shoes inside, she was almost certain that she heard Emily say, "That was one hell of a kiss, though."

* * *

After a long, sleepless night, Emily gathered her robe around herself, put on some slippers, grabbed her phone, and headed downstairs to the lounge. The room was empty, as she expected. She made herself comfortable on the couch and called Hanna.

It was three hours later in Manhattan, but still too early for Hanna. When Emily said, "I need help," though, Hanna woke up immediately.

"Do you remember when you predicted that I would either marry, kill, or bang Paige McCullers?"

"Okay." Hanna was all business. "Where's the body? Did you leave any fingerprints? How much cash do you have on you right now?"

"Hanna!"

"Let me look at some flights and call you back. Don't do anything till you hear from me. Wait, should we even be talking about this on your cell phone?"

"Hanna! God! I didn't kill Paige!"

"Oh." Hanna sounded a little disappointed. But she perked up when she remembered the other alternatives. "So, you _banged_ Paige? What was it, some kind of drunken hook up? Got a little horny and grabbed for the nearest piece of..."

"No, Hanna! It was nothing like that. I'm just… like, seeing another side to Paige."

"Oh, my God, Em! Is she using that mind control on you?"

"No, Hanna," Emily said wearily.

"But, isn't she straight? She used to date that guy?"

"I don't know," Emily said with a sigh. "We've never discussed it."

"Ew…" Hanna's face scrunched up. "Falling for a straight chick? Never a good idea."

"Okay, but here's the thing. Remember when I told you how upset Paige got when I went out with Samara after the UT meet? So, now I'm thinking that, maybe, it was jealousy."

"Uh huh." Emily could hear the sarcasm. "Sure it was, Em! 'Cause no lesbian has ever ever been wrong about getting a jealous vibe off of a straight girl!"

"Okay, but, Friday night, at Sydney Driscoll's sleepover, she got 'Truth,' and Shana asked whether she liked anybody on the team, and she kind of gave me a look. And it all started making sense."

"A _look_? She gave you a _look_? And did she pass you a note in homeroom? Come on, Emily!"

"Okay, but she likes _someone_ on the team, so she's at least into girls."

Hanna paused for a second. "Okay, I'll give you that much."

"And when she kissed me…"

"Wait – hold up! Stop the tape! She fucking _kissed_ you?"

"Well, yeah…" That wasn't the point, and Emily wasn't going to make a big deal out of it.

"Why didn't you lead off with that, Em? That's a totally different story!"

"No, Hanna… It wasn't a real kiss. I took a dare, and Sydney dared me to kiss Paige."

"Okay, so Sydney must've known something."

"No, it was just a joke. 'Cause everybody knows that we don't get along. It would be like… asking you to kiss Noel Kahn, or - I don't know."

"Yeah, yeah." Hanna didn't have time for analogies. "So, what about the kiss?"

"It was… unbelievable." Emily ran her fingers over her lips at the memory. "Like, 'fifteen seconds, weak in the knees, and a little wet' unbelievable."

"Holy shit! So, that sounds good."

"Yeah." Emily scoffed. "I thought so, too. But, after the kiss, I smiled at her, and she gave me this… look. As if she were totally disgusted, you know? So, I get why she kissed me like that. She was just being Paige, you know? 'You try to put one over on me? – Well, I'll show you!'" Emily's voice was mockingly deep as she voiced what she assumed Paige had been thinking. "And, then, when she saw me smiling, she was disgusted that I actually took the kiss seriously."

"Yeah, but, Emily, no one can kiss that well and not mean it. Guys, maybe, but no girl can. Even if Paige doesn't _know_ that she meant it, somewhere deep down, she meant it."

"I don't know, Hanna. Maybe? So, then, yesterday, when we were driving home, I got a flat, and I was totally freaking out, and she calmed me down, and she changed the tire, and I just felt so useless, and she took care of me. And she was being so good. And caring. So, I hugged her, and I gave her a little peck on the cheek."

"Aw…."

"And she, like, melted. She was so cute and shy and so… non-Paige McCullers."

"Girl's got it bad, Em!"

"Really?" Emily squeaked out the word, and bit her lip.

"The question is, how do you feel about her?"

That was the ten thousand dollar question.

"Ugh. I don't know, Hanna."

"Because, it's easy to get caught up in the kiss and the cuteness, but, let's face it, this is the girl you wanted to kill as recently as a week ago."

"I know, I know. I don't know. I know that I'm starting to feel things for her, but I don't know whether it's something real or…"

"Don't screw her over, Em. I know that would be the perfect revenge for what she did in high school, but - "

"I would never do that, Hanna." Emily's voice was soft and defensive.

"I know you wouldn't," Hanna affirmed soothingly.

* * *

Emily returned to her room and smiled demurely at Paige. The smile was indistinguishable from the perfunctory smile that Emily was used to offering Paige, when the boundaries of their relationship were more clearly drawn. Things seemed simpler, then. This new smile was came from an uneasy place. Talking with Hanna had been good, but it hadn't given Emily much clarity. Either her feelings were just an infatuation, or she was actually falling for Paige, but, either way, she would have to tread lightly. On the one hand, she didn't want to lead Paige on, only to find that what she was feeling was something other than love. If, on the other hand, her feelings were genuine, and if Paige returned them, it could be tricky, having to live together.

"Going for a run?"

Paige nodded and shuffled her feet a bit, awkwardly stepping past Emily to the door. "Do you want to join me?" Paige's hand was on the door as she asked, expecting rejection. Running together wasn't really a thing that they did. Emily was actually a little intimidated at the prospect, although she had never let Paige know that.

"Maybe we can get breakfast after?" Paige nodded, smiling weakly, and slipped out of the door. _And maybe we can talk._

* * *

It was still early, for a Sunday, when Paige returned from her run. After a quick shower, she and Emily headed to the cafeteria. The place was, not surprisingly, virtually deserted. After a rowdy Saturday night, most of the hungover undergrads didn't show up for brunch on Sunday until a couple of minutes before the cafeteria closed. So, Emily thought that they would have a little privacy and a good opportunity to talk while they ate.

Paige felt a tingle of nervous excitement when Emily suggested that they needed to talk. She sat up a bit straighter, to let Emily know that she was fully engaged. But when Emily asked her about her relationship with her father, her enthusiasm faded.

Paige had assumed - and hoped - that Emily was ready to talk about Truth or Dare; about the kiss; about everything that had kept Paige awake the past two nights. She wanted to talk about _their_ relationship, not about her relationship with her father.

To Emily, though, it was the same talk. Talking about Paige's relationship with her father was a necessary precursor to the talk about any possibilities between Paige and her. Emily needed to be able to redeem Paige's image in her eyes. If paternal pressure had been the cause of Paige's behavior in high school, it would be easier for Emily understand what it turned Paige into - and easier to believe that Paige was capable of changing into someone else.

Paige scoffed as she began to talk about her father, how she truly loved him, and how hard she tried to do something - to be someone - he could be truly proud of. When Emily pointed out all of Paige's accomplishments in high school - plus her scholarship to Stanford, Paige just bit her lip, as if she were trying to fight back tears; as if those accomplishments weren't enough.

By instinct, Emily reached for Paige's hand, and, equally on instinct, Paige jerked her hand away. Under ordinary circumstances, Paige would have relished the opportunity to hold Emily's hand, but, in the midst of the discussion about her father, her defenses were up. Accepting Emily's hand would be admitting weakness, something that a McCullers would not do. Paige regretted the move immediately, but it was too late to undo what she had done. Somehow, though, Emily understood why Paige had jerked away; that it wasn't about Emily Fields, but about Nick McCullers. Emily reached for both of Paige's hands, squeezing them insistently, her eyes not seeking dominance but pleading, _Let me._ Paige relaxed shoulders and surrendered to Emily's comfort.

And with that tiny crack, the fortress that Paige had so carefully constructed to protect her heart had begun to crumble.

There was something about this vulnerable Paige. Emily's instinct was to take her in her arms and nurture her. But Emily had learned from bitter experience not to trust her instincts. Vulnerable Paige wasn't the real Paige; - the cocky, self-assured, kind of an asshole Paige. Kind of an asshole, yet kind of hot. It was as if Paige had lost all of her swagger.

Emily wasn't sure that she was ready for a relationship with someone like that. She had done that in high school, with girls like Sara, whom she felt the need to nurse back to health, like a little baby bird. Or girls like Talia, who didn't know what they wanted, but wanted to give the other team a shot. Emily decided that really didn't want to be in the place of Paige's dad - to be the person whom Paige turns to, desperate for approval. She rubbed Paige's shoulder. "It's going to be all right."

* * *

 **A/N - To the guest reviewer who wished for longer chapters... I'm sorry, friend, but in order to maintain my life-balance, I can only afford to write about 2,500 words** ** **(about the length of this chapter)** per day. But, look at it this way - most stories are updated once a week or less, so, if you saved up my story and only read it once a week, it would be like getting one long chapter... :) Seriously though, thanks for reading and for taking the time to review.  
**


	13. Paige 2 point 0

**Ugh. The title of this chapter is "Paige 2.0," but I can't convince the site to let me include a "." in between the numbers in the title... :(**

* * *

As the weeks went on, Paige noticed a change in Emily. Emily was cordial with her; even casual – as if Paige had managed to get over the wall of the complete disdain that once Emily felt for her. It didn't happen overnight, but, with the passage of time, Paige and Emily grew into a comfortable friendship.

But they had only gotten as far as friends. The wall that separated the friend zone from the _girl_ _friend_ zone had proven too high for Paige to scale.

Paige was very familiar with the friend zone, having relegated many people to it in high school. And she determined that she was okay with it; actually, fine with it. When she first admitted to herself that she had feelings for Emily, she told herself that she would be okay if her relationship with Emily only went as far as friendship, and, to her surprise, she was right. She and Emily had gone from being less than roommates to being good friends, and Paige was happy to have a friend like Emily.

This new status, or, rather, the knowledge of where she stood, proved to be rather liberating for Paige. She no longer had to be conscious of every thought and action, for fear of making the wrong impression. She was free to be herself, and, if Emily had a problem with that, they worked it out – as friends.

Paige realized that she no longer had to prove herself to her father, either. Apparently, having gotten her to scholarship-status at Stanford, Nick felt that his job was done. He still monitored her progress on the team and in the classroom, but he wasn't as overbearing as he had been all of her life.

Paige was learning to stand on her own two feet. For much of her life, she had been crippled, as it were, by her father's expectations - and her own. She learned how to survive under that set of rules, and when she realized that she wasn't really living, she turned to Emily, who seemed to have the life that Paige wanted, as her way of escape. Had things gone the way that Paige initially hoped they would with Emily, she would have been trading one crutch for another. By stepping away from Paige, Emily forced her to go through the process of strengthening her feeble legs, so that she would be able support her own weight. Like physical therapy, this was a painful process, but, in the end, it made her stronger. It was a different kind of strength; not the ability to dominate others, as Paige had defined strength when she was younger, but the ability to coexist with others. Paige was secure in her own strength, and she no longer felt the need to measure her strength against anyone else's.

For the first time that she could remember, Paige felt free to be who she was, without the pressure that came from the need to please or impress anybody else. And for the first time since she was very young, she was actually enjoying swimming. Even when she was competing, she still found that she was swimming for the fun of it.

* * *

Just as Paige had noticed a change in Emily, Emily, of course, noticed the change in Paige. Paige had that certain swagger; that confident cockiness again, but, this time, without the previous obnoxiousness.

Emily had heard the expression that someone was comfortable in her own skin, but she had never understood it before. She realized that it was the perfect description for Paige. She was who she was, and it didn't really matter to her what anybody else thought.

There's something about a confident woman. Emily found her eyes increasingly drawn to her roommate. It wasn't in a creepy way. Emily just liked the way that Paige moved. Invariably, after a couple of hours studying, Paige would let out a long sigh, and Emily learned just when to peek after hearing that sound, to catch Paige as she put both hands underneath her hair and stretched her arms behind her back, allowing the long, auburn mane to descend onto her back.

She liked the little dance that Paige did when she was about to dive into the pool, shaking out her hands, then her left leg, then her right before arching backwards and shrugging her shoulders forward.

Mostly, she just liked seeing Paige be Paige; casually beautiful, unintentionally alluring. A couple of times, Paige looked up in time to see Emily looking over at her and smiled shyly at the unexpected attention. When that happened, Emily had to think on her feet: "Just making sure that you're okay;" "Do you want to take a study break and grab some coffee?" - or, if she couldn't come up with anything, a simple "Hey!" before she buried her head in whatever she had been doing and prayed for the power of invisibility.

* * *

Emily wasn't the only one who picked up on the new Paige McCullers. Paige was starting to get a lot of attention from other women on campus, whom she invariably swatted away like so many flies. It wasn't that she was pining for Emily. She was just enjoying being herself for a while.

Emily tried not to let all of the attention that Paige was getting affect her. But even she had her limits.

"I'm surprised that you're not out with _Mackenzie_ tonight."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Kenzie?" She scoffed. "Don't be."

"Why, what's wrong with _Mackenzie_?" Emily refused to use her nickname, or to say her name without disdain in her tone. "She's young, she's hot, she's…" Emily sat up on her bed and bit her lip before she said anymore.

"Easy?" Paige speculated with a laugh. "Trust me, I don't need that kind of energy in my life."

"Well, you're going to have to say yes to one of these women sooner or later. Otherwise, people will think you're…"

"Frigid?" Paige laughed it off.

"No!" Emily was doing her best not to get annoyed, but she was failing. "Are you going to finish all of my sentences? I was going to say, 'a nerd.' I mean, seriously, all you ever really do is study and train."

Paige dropped her pen and turned around. "Oh – did you need the room tonight, Emily? Seriously, just say the word, and I'll scram!"

Emily huffed. "No, Paige, I don't need the room tonight!"

"I'm serious, Em! If you wanted to bring someone by tonight, or any night – just let me know. I'm totally cool with that."

Emily let out a grunt of frustration. _Jeez, does she really not get it?_ "That's not my point, Paige. My point is that someone as hot, and... available, and... obviously popular as you should start taking advantage."

Paige laughed out loud, standing up and crossing over to Emily's side of the room. "And I'm not getting any younger, right?" she asked genially. "Thanks, Mom." Emily was not amused. Paige picked up on this and tried to shift the focus. "I could say the same about you, you know!"

"Say what about me?"

"Come on, Emily – be serious! You have girls hitting on you all the time, and yet, you're still here, hitting the books on a Friday night."

Emily stood and turned her back to Paige until she got control of her emotions. "Maybe I'm not interested in just _any_ girl. Maybe I'm waiting for the right girl."

Paige chuckled. "I hear that!"

Emily turned around slowly. "So, you haven't met the right girl yet?"

Emily was looking straight into Paige's eyes when she asked that. Paige stared back, as they both tried to read each other. "I… I don't know, Emily. Maybe… Well, you know how it is. The wrong ones are always the ones who are attracted to you. Or, to me, rather. The one who's right never is."

Emily opened her mouth as if to say something, but she couldn't come up with the words. She wanted to know where she stood with Paige, but she didn't know how to ask without risking getting shot down in flames. She and Paige just kept up staring intensely into each other's eyes. It wasn't like a Ronda Rousey stare-down, where the goal was to intimidate the other person. It was more of a desperate attempt to read the other person's mind.

Paige couldn't help letting her eyes drift down to Emily's lips. _If only I could kiss her the way I did at Sydney Driscoll's party._ Paige sobered up quickly once she realized what she was thinking. She forced her gaze to return to Emily's eyes.

But then she decided, _What the hell?_

As Paige leaned in slowly, Emily stopped her with a hand to her chest. Paige seemed confident about what she was leaning in to do, but Emily's hand could feel the beating of her heart, and it told a different story.

Emily was resolute. "Don't you dare kiss me again, Paige McCullers, unless you mean it!"

Paige froze in place, stalled by the first half of Emily's command. Her hesitation drove Emily to the verge of tears.

"Because the last time you kissed me, it really blew my mind. And, if you try that again..." Emily turned her head to the side to hide her emotions. She soon felt Paige's soft hand surrounding her chin, turning her head back to face her.

"It blew my mind, too," Paige whispered against Emily's lips. Then, she kissed them.

Unlike the kiss at Sydney's party, there was no one to count down the seconds, and no one to pull them apart. Emily had no idea how long the kiss lasted. How does one even measure a kiss like that? It was beyond time. Could it be measured in the intense desperation of Paige's arms on her back, pulling her closer and closer, as if to make their two bodies one? Or in the number of Emily's breaths that Paige was literally taking away from her? Or in the pumping of Emily's heart, as it tried frantically to keep up with Emily's cheeks, her hands, her brain, her crotch – all of which were desperate for more blood through their vessels?

Emily gasped when she felt herself getting wet, and then she realized how forcefully she was rubbing herself against Paige's thigh, as her hands massaged Paige's ass relentlessly. "Paige!" she cried out in alarm, and Paige immediately disengaged herself, her hands in the air as she backed off.

Emily stood with her lips apart and her eyelids sealed for several moments. She wanted to savor the kiss before she dared open her eyes and risk seeing that look of disgust on Paige's face again. When she finally peeked, she saw that Paige's eyes, wild with desire, were scanning her from top to bottom, as if she were trying to take in all of Emily at once.

"Emily, did I…"

"No!" Emily heard guilt and fear in Paige's voice and cut her off, answering quickly. She shook her head and took Paige's hands in both of hers as she tried to get control of her breathing. Paige was fighting for air, too. "I was just too far gone," Emily explained. "I felt myself moving us into something that I'm not ready for."

Paige nodded her head, and Emily apologized softly. Paige would have nothing to do with an apology, though. "No, you're right, Emily. I'm not ready, either. _We're_ not ready. I want you to know that I felt everything that I put into that kiss." Paige smiled shyly. "But I don't usually kiss like that unless someone buys me dinner first!"

Emily couldn't stifle her laugh at Paige's corny joke. She sat down on her bed, pulling on Paige's hand, urging her to join her. Paige, with a wiggle, tugged at the inseam of her jeans first, and Emily smiled wryly. "Yeah," Paige confirmed. "I felt it, too."

When Paige sat next to Emily, Emily took her hand, holding it between both of hers in Paige's lap. She put her head on Paige's shoulder, trying her best not to be threatening with what she was about to ask.

"Paige, when you kissed me that first time," she asked, looking at their hands in Paige's lap, "was I… was _it_ really that disgusting?"

Paige jerked away on reflex from her shock at the what Emily asked. "Disgusting?"

Emily looked at her, pleading for the truth. "You just looked so disgusted with me after we kissed. And, I know that I shouldn't have let it go that far but…" _You were the one who was controlling the kiss!_

"Emily." Paige moved a hand to Emily's cheek. "That look – it wasn't disgust. I was just… There was just so much that I wanted to tell with that kiss. I knew what you thought of me after the way I was in high school, and I wanted that kiss to… to change your mind, or something. It was stupid to think that a kiss could do that, I know. But I was desperate. And then, I lost control, and I let it go too far. I knew that there was no way that you could ever forgive me for that. For taking advantage of the situation like that… and for doing it in front of the whole team."

Emily chuckled weakly. She leaned in, letting her head rest on Paige's chest as her fingers played with the chain around Paige's neck. "I thought you hated me," she said softly. "I had never been kissed like that before. And I never thought that I'd be kissed like that again. Until tonight."

"It was a great kiss," Paige said with feeling. "You're a great kisser." She kissed the top of Emily's head. "Emily…"

Emily moved her finger to Paige's lips. "Can we not talk about it, just for tonight?" Paige gave her a knowing smile and leaned in. Emily sat up. "And we'd probably better not kiss, either. At least not right now."

"So what can we do?" There was no frustration or impatience in Paige's tone, only genuine curiosity.

Emily stood up and held out her hands to Paige, helping her to stand, too. "We can dance."

Before Paige could protest that they had no music, she found herself in Emily's arms, with Emily's head on her shoulder, sighing contentedly as their feet shuffled to a non-existent soundtrack, in between the beds and the desks in their tiny room in the freshman dormitory.

"Tighter," Emily insisted, longing for the feeling of being pulled into Paige's chest again; in the desperate grip of Paige's loving arms one more time.


	14. Couple-ish

One Tuesday afternoon, when Emily was at a lecture and Paige was bored with studying, her eyes fell on her old diary as she scanned the room. She sat up on her knees on the bed so that she could reach it on the shelf above her desk. She grabbed it mostly for a laugh. She no longer felt the need to bare her soul to it. She couldn't read too much of it, though. She was embarrassed at who she was back then. Even though it wasn't so very long ago, it seemed like another lifetime. But, as cringe-worthy as the journal entries were, Paige could never regret having written them. They were a necessary step in getting her from where she was then to where she and Emily were in the present.

And, at least she knew that the story had a happy ending. Whatever the future held for her and Emily, she knew that the old Paige would definitely be proud of the Paige whom she was becoming.

She and Emily decided to take their relationship slowly. To be honest, neither one was sure that what she felt was real. It could just have been infatuation or desperation. Or, perhaps it was just the elation that they were finally getting along that somehow tricked their brains into thinking that there was something more there.

For that reason, they decided that it would be wiser to keep whatever it was quiet. They didn't need the jokes and innuendos, or the unsolicited advice.

Emily did tell Hanna, though. It wasn't planned. In the middle of Emily's weekly phone-ritual of listening to Hanna complain about the fashion industry, Hanna abruptly asked, "So, how long are you planning to try to keep this a secret from me?"

"Keep what a secret?" Emily was trying her best not to sound guilty. She wasn't sure that Hanna was even talking about Paige.

"Um, duh, Em! Every phone conversation we've ever had since you left Rosewood, you've got something to say about Paige McCullers. But, tonight, nothing. So, give."

"Hanna…"

"Don't Hanna me! Are you two together? You're together, right?"

Emily sighed. She could feel the knowing smile on Hanna's face. "We just... we talked, okay? And we're giving it a try."

Hanna noticed the way that Emily had lowered her voice, so she lowered hers. "She's there right now, isn't she? If she is, say a word that starts with an A!"

"Hanna!"

"What? I saw that on the Mary Tyler Moore show!"

Paige stood up and gestured towards the door. Emily motioned for her to stay, but she shook her head, grabbed her books, and gave Emily a peck on the way downstairs to the lounge.

When the door closed, Emily continued in her normal voice. It was actually a little louder than normal, because she was upset at the way that Hanna had embarrassed her. "Okay, she left the room, Hanna. Are you happy?"

"Damn right, I'm happy! Now you can give me the real story! So, are you hittin' that yet?"

"Jeez, Hanna!" Emily had never managed to get used to Hanna's inappropriate comments. "I told you, we decided to give it a try, to see where things go. Nobody's hittin' anything yet!"

"So, what's she like? Is she all dominant and aggressive, the way she is on the field? – Oh, shit! I didn't even think about that before I said it – on the field!"

* * *

Hanna promised not to tell the other girls, on the condition that Emily would do so herself, within the week. Emily walked down to the lounge to give Paige the news. Paige grimaced a bit when Emily mentioned that she would have to tell Spencer, but she understood. Hanna couldn't be expected to keep news like this from her closest friends.

Emily didn't hesitate to call Aria. Aria was skeptical at first. It sounded a little strange to her that people who were so opposite would get together merely because they shared a room for a few months. She wanted to make sure that what Emily – and Paige – were beginning to feel was more than just familiarity from having been forced to spend so much time together.

"That's what we'd like to know, too," Emily told her truthfully. "That's why we're not really making it public. It's confusing enough working it out in private, without everybody else giving us an opinion."

Aria understood. "Well, I'll give you guys space. If you ever need to talk, of course, I'll be here, but I won't be the one to bring it up, okay?"

* * *

The talk with Aria had gone better than Emily could have hoped. She had no illusions about how the talk with Spencer would go, though. That was the reason that she put off calling her for as long as she did.

Where Aria was skeptical, Spencer was suspicious. And hostile. She wasn't trying to hide her anger, either. Paige was not to be trusted; she was up to something. Not even two minutes into the conversation, Spencer had Paige concocting some grand scheme to disgrace Emily and get her kicked off of the team, and blacklisted from any other school that had a half-decent swimming program.

Emily had enough. "That's enough, Spencer!" she barked into the phone.

"Emily," Spencer said coolly, trying to be the rational one, "you need to listen to me. You don't know Paige the way I know her."

"No, Spencer. _You_ don't know Paige. You know the Paige from high school. There were other issues going on in her life back then."

"You just need to trust me on this one, Em. I'm only trying to protect you."

"And you just need to back off, Spence. You're not my mom, and if you want to keep on being my friend, you're going to have to get used that fact that Paige and I are together!"

Emily ended the call, taking a few deep breaths and finding a tissue for her eyes before she texted Paige.

Paige was in the library when she got the text saying that Emily had spoken with Spencer. She hurriedly gathered her things and gave Emily a call on the way home. "Are you okay?"

Emily sighed. "I'll be fine," she said, her voice cracking.

"I'm on my way, Em."

"Paige, you don't have to," Emily said sharply. She had had enough of people trying to protect her.

Paige wasn't thrown by Emily's tone. "I want to hear about your talk with Spencer," she said calmly. "And I want to be able to see your face when you tell me."

Deep down, Emily was glad that Paige was coming home to talk about it, although she felt a bit guilty.

While Paige was on her way, Emily got a text. She rolled her eyes when she saw whom it was from. Spencer simply said, "Of course, I want to be your friend, Emily. And I trust you." Emily knew that it was as close to an apology as she would get from Spencer Hastings.

* * *

As careful as Paige and Emily were about keeping their relationship to themselves, other people picked up on things. It was impossible not to, given the fact that the two of them, who had never gotten along, had become almost inseparable. And given the changes in Paige. Some were calling Emily, "The Miracle Worker." But the truth was, Paige was helping to shape Emily into a more mature adult, as well.

Where Paige needed Emily's influence to help grow out of the childish me-versus-you mentality, Emily needed Paige's influence to live not just for the present. Emily admired how goal-oriented Paige was, and the way that she was able to focus like a laser on those goals. Her example helped Emily become a better student and athlete.

It wasn't that Paige or Emily had changed for each other. They changed for themselves, wanting to be the better human whom they saw in each other. They were opposites, in the sense of yin and yang; each needing a bit of the other in her life.

No pun intended.

But while we're on that subject, Emily thought back to Paige's statement about not ordinarily kissing someone so intensely before they had dated. She realized that she and Paige needed to have a first date. The Spring Formals provided them with the perfect opportunity.

They didn't attend the spring formals, though, because they weren't ready go public yet. It would only be their first date, after all. But the formals provided a diversion for them: While everyone else was obsessing over where to go, with whom, and what to wear, Paige and Emily arranged to have a quiet, romantic dinner off campus, away from all the hubbub.

* * *

One of the advantages of being roommates was that Paige and Emily, even though they were keeping their relationship on the down-low, didn't have to sneak around behind their roommates' backs when it came time to get ready for their big night. At the same time, they still needed a little mystery and space. After all, what girl wants her date to see her while she's still a work in progress, getting ready for the evening? They decided on a late start to their date, so that they could get ready after the rest of the team was already out on sorority row.

Emily knew where Sydney hid the key to her room, and she had Sydney and her roommate's implicit permission to hang out there whenever she needed to. Once those two had set out for their parties, Emily headed over to their room to get ready. This was a disappointment for Paige, because she loved watching Emily get herself all dressed up. Even before they started getting close, Paige used to find excuses to linger in the bathroom while Emily was putting on her face: leaning over the counter with her legs crossed as she applied eyeliner, pouting and unpouting as the lipstick went on, brushing her hair from one side to another and testing out her intense gazes, smiling self-consciously when she noticed Paige looking at her. Whenever she was caught staring, Paige would shake her head, trying to make it look as if she couldn't believe how silly Emily was to go through that whole ritual, but, in reality, she was trying to memorize every gesture and pose, wishing that Emily were doing it all for her. In her wildest dreams, she imagined Emily looking over with the shy smile at being caught, and then reaching her slender, perfectly manicured fingers under Paige's chin, sending a slight tingle there before she closed in for a kiss.

That wouldn't happen on this night, but Paige had hopes that it might happen someday - when their relationship was out in the open. Maybe when they were living off-campus, in their own apartment.

For that night, Paige was cooling her jets, drumming her fingers nervously against the mattress, doing mental run-throughs of their upcoming date as she waited for Emily to text her that she was ready to go. When her phone finally buzzed, she sprang up, a bit too eagerly, grateful that Emily wasn't there to see it. She balled her hand into a fist, raised it to chest-level, and let it drop, repeating the movement several times as she talked herself down.

Paige walked the two doors over to Sydney's room and took a final, calming breath before she knocked on the door. _It's just Emily,_ she reminded herself, _nothing to freak out about._ When Emily opened the door, Paige stumbled backwards. Emily looked incredible, in a snug-fitting burgundy dress that went down to her ankles but had a sinfully high slit up the side. It was tastefully low in the front, with the v-neck showcasing Emily's pronounced collar bone and her cleavage. The color was perfect against Emily's dark complexion, but it was hard for Paige, seeing Emily at that moment, to imagine any color that wouldn't look good on her. "Wow," she heard herself saying.

"Wow yourself," Emily replied with a devilish smile, and Paige dipped her head at the realization that Emily, too, had heard her spontaneous reaction. Emily took her time giving Paige the once-over, taking in the curves on display beneath her little black dress. She leaned in for a quick kiss, resting her arms on Paige's waist and lingering there until Paige reached for her hand and turned to walk her to the car. "You clean up pretty well, McCullers!" Emily punctuated the remark with a smack to Paige's backside, not unlike what she might do at the end of the race, when her teammates were hugging on the side of the pool. That was the reason that she used Paige's last name - to hide behind the jock culture, when, in reality, she just wanted to get the feeling of what was so delectably filling out the lower half of Paige's dress. Emily knew that she would be distracted by the thought all night, so she got it out of the way early.

Paige giggled at the remark. It was going to be a good night.

* * *

Paige drove Emily's car. It was just as well; Emily's dress wasn't made for driving. It was actually made for lounging in the back of a limousine, but Emily's Toyota would have to do. Paige took a moment to adjust the seat and the mirrors. Emily laughed when she caught Paige checking her lips in the rear view mirror. "What?" Paige asked with a smile.

"Nothing," Emily replied. "If I looked that hot, I'd be checking myself out, too?"

"Yeah?" Paige flipped down Emily's visor and flipped open the cover on the vanity mirror. "Then, take a look, hot stuff!"

There was a slight pause before they both burst into laughter.

"God," Emily observed, "we suck at flirting!"

"Well, at flirting with _words_ , at least!"

They found themselves locked in a stare for what seemed like an eternity before Paige shivered from her shoulders down to her hips and shook her head to clear her thoughts. "We'd better get going!"

* * *

Emily kept looking over at Paige as she drove. She really felt like touching her, but Paige was keeping both hands on the wheel - only occasionally removing one or the other to brush the hair away from her face. And putting her hand on Paige's thigh was problematic, because Paige's dress was so short, and it was a little early in their relationship for hand-to-bare-thigh contact.

Emily seized the opportunity when Paige, declaring, "I love this song," reached for the volume knob on the radio. Emily intercepted her hand on its way back to the wheel, and Paige smiled, giving her hand a squeeze before she set both the hands down against the fabric of Emily's dress. Emily turned Paige's hand palm-up and began playing with it, repeatedly spelling out "PAIGE" with her index finger and swiping it with her fist, as if erasing the name before she started over.

Paige slowly pulled her hand away. "I'm going to have to ask you to stop that, at least till we get out of the car." Emily noticed that Paige's legs were bouncing together slightly, and that her neck was starting to flush. _Paige is right_ , she thought. _We_ are _good at non-verbal flirting._

When Paige parked the car, she went around to help Emily out of her seat. It only seemed appropriate, the way that Emily looked, for her to emerge from the car on someone's arm. Emily took hold of Paige's arm as they navigated through the parking lot to the restaurant's entrance. There was no need to be coy about it. It was obvious to anyone who saw them that they were on a date.

The table where they were sitting was too narrow - or just narrow enough. They kept bumping knees under the table. The advantage of having long legs. By the end of the evening, Paige was intentionally maneuvering her leg between the slit in Emily's dress, reveling in the silky smooth feeling of Emily's stockings against her own bare calf.

This was a lot more physical a first date than either of them was used to - and that's saying something, considering that Paige's dating experience consisted of high school boys. In reality, though, they had been dating each other much longer than they were willing to admit, or even realized. By the time they finally got around to labeling it, their bodies were running ahead of their minds, no longer at the stage of questioning whether or not they were right for each other. Their minds played along because they knew, deep down, that theirs wasn't as casual a relationship as they had been lying to themselves that it was. Their self-deception was self-defense, neither wanting to risk her heart only to have it broken. But, in the depths of minds, they knew that this wasn't just casual. This was something that had begun building in them, around them, and in spite of them, long before they ever became friends, roommates, or teammates.

* * *

The ride home was much more quiet and even more full of sexual tension than the ride to the restaurant had been. They both knew that the night would end up with them together in the same room. In separate beds, for sure, but still together, still needing to release the tension that had been building between them all evening - and with no way of releasing that tension individually without the other knowing about it.

Paige had to face the problem head on. "Emily, do you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?"

"No, of course not."

Dead silence.

"Why - do you _want_ to sleep somewhere else tonight?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Dead silence.

"This is ridiculous."

"Right?"

Dead silence.

Emily leaned over to put her head on Paige's shoulder. It was uncomfortable, between the seat belt and the center console, but she wanted to make a point.

"This could be a good thing."

"Right." Paige didn't know what Emily was talking about. She was a little distracted by how good it felt to have Emily rest her head on her shoulder, so she just agreed. Then she panicked: _She can't be talking about..._

"It's a good thing that we figure out how to be together, after a night like this, without _being_ together."

 _Oh._ Paige let out an audible sigh of relief. _Thank God._

Her sigh released some of the tension, and they both laughed over it.

"So, Ned's declassified on Netflix?"

Paige shook her head, smiling. "What is it with you and that show?"

"Oh, shush! It's funny! And the girl who plays Mose is just as cute as a button!"

"Uh, Emily - you do know that you're talking about a middle-schooler?"

"Um, yeah - and I was in middle school when I first started watching the show! Plus, she's all grown up, now! Have you seen the trailer for 'Temps?'"

"Temps?"

"All right, as soon as we get back to campus, you're watching it. And then try telling me that she's not a hottie!"

Paige rolled her eyes and sighed. "Whatever..."

A little farther down the road, Paige looked over and said, "You know, some people have told me that I look a little like Lindsey Shaw." Emily burst out in laughter, and Paige pouted, pretending to take offense.

"Aw, Paige!" Emily rubbed her shoulder. "You know you're gorgeous! but, come on: but Lindsey Shaw is just..." Emily sighed, shaking her head wistfully. Paige might have protested, but she was enjoying being with Emily too much.

* * *

 **A/N - Ouch... I'm up way too late, because this chapter went on way too long... I'll pay for that tomorrow :(, but I really wanted to give you all a Paily date for Valentine's Day.**

 **So, Happy Valentine's Day! Thanks for reading!**


	15. Face your Feelings

When they got back to the room after the date, Emily turned her back to Paige, lifting her hair off of her back. "Can you help me with this?" she asked, and Paige unzipped the zipper slowly, following it with her index finger on its path from between Emily's shoulder blades down to her hips before the garment dropped to the floor. Emily turned around , suddenly self-conscious about a state of undress that was hardly a first between her and Paige. They was about a foot and half between where Paige stood, smiling ever so slightly, and where Emily stood, her arms extended down to her thighs, her left hand clutching the fingers of her right hand, leading slightly with her right leg as she rocked back and forth on her heels.

Paige wanted to make Emily feel at ease, so she grabbed her shoulders, squaring them, and gave her a kiss, making sure to keep their bodies apart and not take advantage of Emily's state of undress. Emily's hands found Paige's waist, and her body began surrendering to the kiss before her mind turned on the brakes. She smiled at Paige again, cupping her cheek before she turned away. "I'm just going to go brush my teeth."

Paige laughed as Emily headed to the door. "You might want to put some pants on, first!"

"Oh. Right." Emily let out a nervous chuckle. She had gotten a bit lost, for a moment. She smiled nervously as she headed to her dresser to choose the least sexy pair of sweats that she could find, in keeping with the agreement that they made in the car to slow things down. She turned her back to Paige as she unclasped her bra, but changed her mind and turned around again. Now facing Paige, she finished undoing the clasp and let the wispy bit of lace fall from her hands.

Paige was frozen in place. The only parts of her body moving were her wide eyes, which were flitting back and forth, wildly, from one breast to the other - and her heart, which was beating out of control in her chest. It wasn't the first time that she had seen Emily without a bra, but it was the first time that Emily had deliberately bared herself to her. Emily never took her eyes off of Paige's as she stepped out of her stockings and stepped into her sweatpants, then reached for her sweatshirt, pulling it over her head.

 _Show's over._

Paige awoke from the spell that she was under, but the damage had been done. Emily touched Paige's cheek and purred, "Wait for me?" before she headed down the hall with her toothbrush.

* * *

The thing about going on a date with your roommate is that you have no one with whom to talk it over afterwards. Emily desperately needed to talk through what had happened. She had taken her phone with her, and, before she took care of her teeth, she fired off a text to Hanna.

Hanna knew about the date, and she was waiting impatiently to hear from Emily. She responded with shock and delight at how enthusiastic Emily was about everything. She sent Emily line after line of emojis, making it look as if the god of emoticons had vomited all over her screen.

Hanna's texts were interrupted by one from Paige - a picture of her sitting on the bed, her long legs crossed, her lips puckered, and the words, "Hurry back!"

Emily smiled, running her fingers over the screen. She saved the picture and sent a copy to Hanna, explaining that she had to go. The picture was tasteful, albeit hot, and Emily was sure that Paige wouldn't mind that she shared it. Hanna responded immediately:

 **Whoa, grrl! Get some of that!**

* * *

Paige had used the few minutes of Emily's absence to calm herself. As Emily had requested, Paige waited to get undressed - although she did change into a fresh pair of panties, for fear of killing the mood.

She had time to retrieve one of the one-shot, disposable toothbrushes from the emergency stash that she kept in her top drawer, and give her teeth a quick once over, breathing into her hand to check her breath, before she settled on her bed and waited, with an eye trained on the door knob.

When Emily got back, Paige was half reclining, dangling a shoe from her million-dollar legs. Emily laughed. "Are those my shoes?"

"No!"

"Well, I'm definitely going to be wearing them!"

Paige stood up, the heels giving her a slight height advantage over Emily. In her sultriest voice, she asked, "Are we really going to waste any more of this night talking about shoes?"

Emily looked nervously into Paige's eyes. "No, ma'am," she said softly, and only half joking. She was buckling under the weight of the mood in the room, which had intensified significantly.

Standing so close to Paige, Emily regretted her decision to change into sweats, when Paige looked like one of those steamy temptresses straight out of a 1940s movie. Emily had chosen the sweats to help them cool things down, but it was clear that that plan had gone out of the window.

Paige reached for the hem of Emily's sweatshirt, and Emily raised her arms, letting Paige lift the shirt over her head. Paige's next move was for the drawstring of Emily's sweats. Once it was loosened, gravity did the rest. Paige reached for Emily's hair, releasing it from the messy bun that Emily had thrown it into, and letting it fall beyond her shoulders. She put her hands on both sides of Emily's neck, but Emily put a hand up to stop her. "My turn."

Paige started to turn, to give Emily access to her zipper, but, instead, Emily, on tiptoes, put her hands on Paige's shoulders, keeping her in place, and reached behind her, so that their breasts were pressed together as Emily undid the zipper. She gazed down at Paige's bra, cueing her to unhook it, and Paige complied with a nervous grin. Emily smiled eagerly and cupped Paige's breasts as she went in for a kiss. Paige caught up quickly, massaging Emily's breasts as the two massaged each other's tongues. Paige only paused long enough to remove her heels, to equalize their heights. It didn't matter, though, because they were soon horizontal on the bed.

They had failed at taking things slowly, but they were too far gone to care.

* * *

Emily woke up face to face with Paige, with their arms around each other. She had a crick in her neck, and she was almost falling off of the bed. "Shit!" she shouted in a whisper, not wanting to wake Paige. Their dormitory beds were definitely not made for sharing. If they were going to do this more often, they were going to have to move the two beds a little closer together.

With two fingers, Emily brushed Paige's hair aside and smiled at her handiwork, displayed in brownish-red splotches around Paige's shoulder and collar. She ghosted the same two fingers over several of the marks, feeling glad that their season was over. Paige had some swimsuits that would cover the spots when she hit the pool, but her competition Speedo would not.

Emily wondered what her own skin looked like, so she reached over Paige's body to grab Paige's phone from the nightstand. She looked herself over, proud of the evidence of how much Paige wanted her.

"It's a little early for selfies, don't you think?" Paige asked sleepily.

Emily was startled at the sound of Paige's voice, but recovered quickly. "I think it's the perfect time!" She switched cameras and pointed the phone at Paige, who threw her hands in front of her face with a laugh, as if she were fending off paparazzi. As they wrestled for control of the phone, their passions from the night before were reignited, and picked up where they left off.

When things settled down, Emily, lying on top of Paige, with her hands on Paige's bare chest and their eyes locked on each other, asked softly, "So you don't have any regrets?"

"No. No regrets, but pictures like that always seem to find their way onto the internet."

Emily rolled her eyes. "You know what I meant."

Paige pushed Emily's hair behind her ear, leaving her hand there. With the other hand, she gently stroked Emily's back. "Of course I don't have any regrets." Her voice was soft and husky, and it sounded like anything but regret.

"Well, good." Emily gave Paige a quick kiss before she stood up and stretched. "But, I regret that this bed is so small." She flexed her neck from side to side, grimacing. "It worked a lot better when you were spooning me."

"Huh?"

 _Whoops!_ Emily had forgotten that Paige had no recollection of that incident. It was just as well that she let that comment slip out, though. She still wondered whether Paige was only pretending not to remember the way that they ended up in bed together after their night of drunken partying. She told Paige the story about Mr. Snuffles and the inadvertent feel that Paige had copped. She left out the part about the conversation that sleep-Paige thought that she was having with her father.

Paige was crestfallen about the grope, but Emily assured her that it was understandable. Paige couldn't be blamed for an act of her subconscious. If there were any blame, it lay with the alcohol that had somehow convinced them that spooning up in bed together was a good idea in the first place.

Now that the cat was out of the bag (and Emily wasn't freaked out by it), Paige owned up to the fact that, even though she didn't remember having Emily in her bed, she remembered the dream in which she went from squeezing Mr. Snuffles to squeezing Emily's breast. And Emily was strangely pleased by that; by the knowledge that it was more than just cuddling up with a teddy bear to Paige; that, even back then, even if only on a subconscious level, Paige wanted to be cuddled up with her.

* * *

Nothing beyond harmless groping had happened between them on either of the nights when they woke up together, even though the groping, this time, was far from inadvertent and not at all one-sided. And, this time, they remembered what had led up to it, and they had no regrets. They had thought that it would be wise to move slowly, but after their date, and everything that had led up to it, they both knew that what they had wasn't just infatuation. Deep down, they had known before the date, although they still clung to their excuses not to take down the walls protecting their heart. Paige, was still plagued by the fear of abandonment that had haunted her since childhood. And Emily still had the fear that, somehow, Spencer was right, and the Paige whom she had known in high school would, somehow, come crashing back. But, now, they were all in. There was no denying that what they had was real, that it was deep, and that it was going to endure.

This realization led to some complications of its own. While Paige and Emily both felt comfortable enough in where there relationship was – and in where it was headed – that they were okay with this increased level of intimacy, the fact that they were living in the same room made it difficult for them to control themselves. Both of them had often found themselves ogling the other long before they got together, and, now that they were together, and the lustful thoughts that went through their heads were no longer off limits, it was hard for them to keep those thoughts under wraps, when they needed to be concentrating on studies and their training.

There is a reason, they were finding out, that people don't move in together when they're in the early stages of a relationship.

They weren't sleeping together, yet; in fact, most nights, they slept in their own beds. There were times when they fell asleep together, after a late-night cuddle or when one or the other - or both of them - felt particularly needy. But those times were never sexual, or anything close to it. They were, rather, about being together, supporting each other, and needing the consolation and reassurance of the other's touch.

There were times when it was physical - and times where what started out as an innocent attempt at connecting or of just being together became too fast, too furious. They needed to learn a few things about discipline, limits and boundaries. They had to work out a way to coordinate their schedules, giving each other time alone in the room (or the gym - or the pool) so that they weren't distracting each other when they were supposed to be doing other things.

They gradually figured it out. If things ever got to be too intense when they were alone together, they learned how to use a good-natured escape clause - "Cut it out!" "Later!" or something like that - to cue the other one to stop being so cute, or sexy, or enticing. Of course, there were times when that didn't work, but, when it didn't, and they ended up taking an unscheduled study break, it wasn't the end of the world. They needed those times, too. Their conditioning coach always reminded them to listen to their bodies. In those early days of their relationship, they took her advice to heart.

* * *

"Emily?"

Emily grunted when she heard her name whispered from behind. She had fallen asleep holding Paige's hand close against her belly as Paige lay behind her.

Paige's thoughts had kept her from sleeping. She didn't want another night to pass before she told Emily what was on her mind. Her voice was low, and her tone was earnest. "I know that it might seem too soon for me to say this, but, you know that I've had feelings for you a long time." Paige paused, suddenly unsure of what she was about to confess. "And I'm not just saying this on a whim. It's been building up for some time." Paige took another pause, and Emily squeezed her hand, slightly. She couldn't help smiling, knowing what Paige was about to say. "And I don't want to freak you out. And you don't have to say it back." Paige let out a frustrated sigh. She had no idea that it would be so hard.

Emily, sensing Paige's nerves, turned around and gave her a kiss. "I love you, too, Paige," she said softly, gazing intensely into Paige's eyes.

Paige smiled. "Well, I was going to say that you've got really cute hair, but thanks!"

Emily's mouth went wide with shock. "Paige!" She began mercilessly tickling Paige.

"I love you! I love you! I swear that's what I was going to say!"

When they both stopped laughing and were able to breathe again, Emily remarked, "God, you make it so easy, McCullers!" She touched Paige's cheek, and Paige prurred, as she always did. With a quick kiss, Emily rolled over, pulling Paige's hand against her stomach again.

"Thanks, Em," Paige said sincerely. "I do love you. It was just harder than I thought to say it for the first time."

Emily nodded her head, reaching behind her back to rub Paige's hip. "I'm glad that you did, Paige. I've been wanting to say it, too."


	16. Official

Once they had settled things in their own minds, it was time to share the news with the rest of the team. They decided that doing it gradually would be the best. They started with Emily's closest friend on the team, Sydney. Emily wanted to invite Sydney on a double date, but Paige advised her to wait on that. Sydney would have a million questions, and that wouldn't be fair to the guy whom she brought along to double. Emily agreed: Coffee first, double second.

* * *

Sydney knew that something was up. Emily was being cagey.

"I want you to come for coffee with me on Saturday."

"Okay. Anybody else coming?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, it's not as if you ever invite me out for coffee in advance. And it's not my birthday, so I know that it's not a surprise party."

"I want you to meet the girl I've been seeing," Emily confessed. "And we want it to be just the three of us, because we'll probably have a lot to talk about, and it wouldn't be fair to you and a date."

"O...kay - so, you want me, like, to evaluate this girl? Rate your date?"

"No... I mean, I do care about your opinion, but I'm pretty sure how I feel. How we feel. We both are. It's just - we're about to go public, and we wanted to let you in on it first."

* * *

When Sydney walked through the door and saw Emily sitting with Paige, she clapped her hands and squealed, "I knew it was Paige!"

It was the longest coffee date in the history of coffee dates. Sydney could barely finish her coffee, having to have it warmed up more than once, because her mouth and brain were working overtime. She wanted all the details: How did they realize it, who made the first move, what the sleeping arrangements were.

As the details flowed in, and Sydney settled into the news, she remarked, "Well, Coach will be happy!"

Paige and Emily looked at each other, suddenly nervous. They hadn't gotten as far as figuring out how to tell their coach, and, once Sydney mentioned it, they worried about what the change in their relationship status might mean for their status on the team.

"Oh, relax!" Sydney said, touching their arms. "I'm sure this isn't the first time that two girls on the team have dated! I just meant that he's going to be proud, you know, after he told you guys that you had to find a way to get along!"

Paige and Emily looked at each other and laughed. "I suppose we found a way," Paige announced, kissing Emily. The thought crossed her mind that they weren't the first teammates who'd gotten Coach Meehan's lecture about learning to get along and had ended up _really_ getting along.

"Yeah - if you can't beat 'em, bang 'em," Sydney was saying. "I mean, not that you guys are banging... I mean, _are_ you guys banging?"

* * *

"You know the first thing that I thought when Sydney said that thing about Coach?" Emily shook her head. "'What's Emily's dad going to say?' I mean, the last time he saw us, we were about ready to rip each other's eyes out!"

"Right?" Emily leaned in, and Paige put her arm around her waist as they walked along. "He was pretty surprised, but..." Emily shrugged. "He's always been pretty supportive. Well, both my parents have been. Once they got past the initial shock, anyway. But my Dad especially."

Paige was surprised that Emily had already told her parents. She didn't really have that kind of relationship with her dad. They didn't have regular conversations; they mainly reserved their talks for times when there was something wrong.

"How do you think _your_ dad will take the news?"

"That I'm dating a girl, or that I'm dating you?"

Emily crinkled her forehead, a bit worried by that question. "Both?"

Paige kissed the top of her head. "Well, let's see. He'll probably be glad to hear that I'm dating a girl. You know, it'll help him rationalize why I never got all that serious with any of the guys whom I dated back in high school. When I was…"

"Too busy to bang?"

"'Frigid,'" Paige said, making air quotes as she completed her thought.

"Are you going to be too busy to bang me?"

"Why, is banging on the table now?" Paige wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Emily gave her a look to let her know that she wasn't amused by that little joke. "Emily," Paige explained, "those guys in high school? They were like an obligation. They were like joining student council and getting straight As. I was playing the role of 'perfect student.' " She tilted Emily's head up from her shoulder so that she could look her in the eye. "You know that it's not like that with us."

Emily nodded and rubbed Paige's stomach, affirming that she did understand. "Anyway," she persisted, "Your dad..." Emily sighed, despite herself. She really wanted to know what Paige's dad would think about her.

"My Dad," Paige repeated. "Well, he'll probably be glad that I'm dating a girl, because there's less chance that I'll slip up and get pregnant, and lose my swimming scholarship." Paige rattled it off matter-of-factly.

"You're kidding." Paige shook her head. "Oh, Paige, that's horrible!"

Paige shrugged. "That's Nick!"

"Okay, well I'm almost afraid to hear how he's going to feel about the fact that you're dating me."

Paige scoffed. "Yeah, that's the question, isn't it?" She paused a beat, then added, with a shrug, "I guess we'll see. We'll see whether he's the new, hands-off Nick McCullers, or the old, 'Do you think it's prudent?' Nick McCullers."

"Prudent?"

"Yeah. You're the competition. You might worm all my swimming tips out of me, and destroy me. I don't know."

"Jeez... He and Spencer would get along," Emily muttered to herself.

"Hmm?"

Emily waved Paige off. She could see how hard it was for Paige to think about it, and she didn't want to throw Spencer into the mix as well. It was hard for her, too, but, Emily knew, both parties would have to be confronted. Eventually. It didn't have to be that night. Emily stroked Paige's side, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I shouldn't have brought it up," she said softly.

"No, that's fine. I mean, I'm going to have to face it, sooner or later."

" _We're_ going to have to face it."

Paige tightened her grip around Emily's waist. She liked the sound of facing things together with Emily.

* * *

After their coffee with Sydney, Paige and Emily began, subtly, becoming more public with their relationship. Sydney was the only person with whom they initiated a formal conversation. Their larger coming out consisted of showing up together at parties and clubs, and the usual signs that couples exchange: Holding hands, walking arm in arm, hello and good-bye kisses. And, if there was any room for doubt, it was erased by their relationship status on facebook.

The reactions that they received, by contrast, were anything but subtle.

The main reaction was shock. Emily was out, but Paige, like most people, hadn't declared a preference. People weren't so much shocked that Paige was in a relationship with a woman, though, as that she was in a relationship with Emily. It was a bit like hearing that Bernie Sanders had been secretly dating Donald Trump.

Paige and Emily got used to the expressions of surprise and skepticism - some people seemed convinced that it was all an elaborate prank - and to the jokes that went along with their new status. ("What's luckier than a blind sniper hitting a bullseye? - Paige McCullers hitting Emily Fields.") (Well, no one said they were good jokes. And that was one of the better ones.)

A close second to the shock was jealousy. More so than Paige, Emily faced a backlash of rage and resentment from the circle of girls (and a few guys) who had put Paige McCullers in their sights.

In that sense, being official provided a bit of relief for Paige. It cut down on the amount of unsolicited attention that she had been receiving from her fan-girls, as Emily dismissively called them. Paige, despite her reputation of being stone-cold and heartless, had never mastered the art of turning down unwanted advances.

But those unwanted advances didn't disappear entirely, and, when they came, Emily didn't shy down from defending her territory. Her defense ranged from as subtle as holding Paige's hand a little tighter, to flirting and kissing, to verbal confrontation. Paige was glad, and a little amused, to have Emily to fight those battles.

Once, when Paige teased her about her jealousy, Emily brought up the way that Paige had reacted to her dinner with Samara.

"Oh, God, Emily! Was I that obvious?"

Emily smiled to herself, glad that Paige wasn't denying the fact that she really was jealous. "I just thought, you know - 'Typical Paige. Everyone from another team is the enemy.' I didn't start to think it was jealousy until Sydney's party. Before that, I would never have guessed that you were interested in me."

"Never?"

Emily shrugged sadly. She saw the hurt in Paige's eyes. "Paige, you have to understand..."

Paige shook her head, fighting to maintain her composure. "No, I get it. I was way out of line, Em." Emily shook her head slightly. She was about to tell Paige that it was okay, but she could see that Paige needed to finish. "I was just having a hard time coming to terms with what I was feeling for you - what a _good_ person you are, and how... perfect you are. You're so sweet and caring, and you elevate everyone around you." Emily couldn't help smiling self-consciously, and Paige started to melt. "And even though I was such an..."

Emily quickly put her fingers on Paige's lips to silence her. She had heard enough of Paige beating herself up over the way that she used to be. "Hey!" she said sharply, "That's in the past. You changed, Paige. That's the greatest thing that could be said about someone. You saw who you were and decided to be someone better."

Paige dipped her head. "I did it for you," she said softly. "Not to try to make you like me," she added quickly, a little embarrassed. "I just couldn't stand the thought that you hated me."

"I never hated you," Emily replied honestly, as Paige unlocked the door to their room and followed her inside.

"Well, you didn't respect me." Emily pursed her lips, and Paige felt defeated at the silent admission that Emily actually didn't respect her.

"Well, it didn't work," Emily said, using two fingers to lift Paige's chin, to get her to look her in the eyes. Paige was confused by that. "Because you did get me to like you," Emily concluded with a kiss.

While they were being honest, Emily decided to press on. "I like you when you're being yourself. Not when you're trying to please your dad - or me. I even like that cocky, self-assured, ballsy Paige."

Emily pulled Paige down onto her bed and pulled out her phone. "I want to show you something." She typed away for a second pulled up a quote by Sara Quin: "I just want you, that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you."

Paige laughed at this, feeling relieved. Emily had made her point: Paige didn't have to do penance or earn Emily's love. She had already won it. Emily wasn't going to hold her past over her head or use it to gain some kind of leverage in their relationship. All that she wanted Paige to do was be herself. That knowledge was liberating to Paige. She pulled Emily against her chest and held her tight. The hug ended with a kiss. But there was something that Emily needed to know.

"Did you hate me?" she asked softly, not looking at Paige.

"Oh, no, Emily," Paige said, her voice pleading. "Not ever. It was just... you know. Gamesmanship." Emily nodded, still not looking at Paige. "And I'm really sorry, Em. I never thought about how much I was hurting you."

Emily sighed deeply. "Yeah, you really hurt me, Paige. But I forgive you." Emily finally looked her in the eye. This time, it was Paige who looked away. Emily put her hand on Paige's cheek. "So, you don't have to apologize for that anymore, okay? And you don't have to try to make up for it." Turning Paige's head toward hers, she pressed a soft kiss on Paige's lips. "I love, you, and I forgive you."

"I love you, too, Emily," Paige replied desperately. "All of you. I only want you, too."


	17. Let's Talk About Sex

Emily was trying her best to keep her expression neutral. Paige's question was simple: What was her first time like? - but Emily wasn't sure where it was coming from, and she didn't want to feed Paige's insecurities or jealousy.

"I just mean," Paige clarified, "was it a good experience, or a negative one?"

"It was good," Emily said nonchalantly.

"Was it gentle or..."

"It was. She was very patient and tender with me."

"Do you prefer it that way, or - you know, rougher?"

Emily laughed. "I guess it depends what kind of mood I'm in. You know. It's like when you and I are together." Emily took Paige's hand and stroked it gently. "Sometimes, it's tender and sweet, but sometimes..." Emily threw her head back and started fanning herself. "Whoo!"

"Yeah." Paige smiled nervously.

"What about you?" Emily sat up a bit, and squared herself to Paige. "Gentle or rough?"

"Em, you know that I haven't had a first time yet."

"I know. But haven't you thought about it or done... you know... stuff?" Paige's cheeks started to redden. "I'm sorry, Paige. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, Emily. It's fine. You can ask me anything."

"Anything?" Paige held her arms out wide to indicate that she did, in fact, mean anything. "So, if I asked whether or not you thought about me..."

Now it was Emily who was beginning to blush.

Paige smoothed her hand through Emily's hair. "Okay, well, don't take this the wrong way, but, I don't really think about anyone, in particular, when I'm... you know, taking care of myself. It's more like a mood, or sometimes a song, or even a scent..." Paige looked sideways at Emily, curling her lip. "Is that weird?"

Emily stroked Paige's forearm. "No, of course not, Paige. It's not weird if that's how you feel."

"And, don't get me wrong," Paige persisted. "I mean, I think about you a lot." she laughed in a huff. "And, I mean, a lot. It's not that I don't. I just... I don't know why I don't think about anyone when..."

"Paige, you don't have to explain or apologize." Emily shrugged. "I know how you feel about me."

"Do you, Emily?" Paige put on a devious smile and started massaging the inside of Emily's thigh. "Do you _really_ know how I feel about you?"

Emily's breath started to shudder. She leaned her head back on reflex, and Paige took the opening, shifting her attention there, peppering Emily's neck with kisses.

"Paige," Emily pleaded breathlessly. Her arm had found Paige's back, and she was pulling her closer. Still, she protested, "Paige!" Paige backed off.

She stood from the bed and took a couple of steps away from Emily, yelling in frustration. "Arghhhh!" Her head was thrown back, and her hands were raised toward the ceiling She let them drop with a sharp clap against her shorts.

"Paige?"

"I'm sorry, Emily. It's just... so frustrating."

Emily didn't want to frustrate Paige, but it seemed a little soon for them to be hopping in the sack together. "Paige, are you asking all this because - you're ready?"

Paige turned toward Emily, obviously surprised that Emily was asking. After a moment, she plopped down on the bed, not facing Emily. "I don't know... No? ... I'm just... frustrated, Em, because I'm ready to be ready."

Emily put her hands on Paige's shoulders, and Paige turned to face her, taking hold of her wrists. "Ready to be ready?"

"Yeah. I just. I really love you, Emily, and I want to... do things, but... it's a big step. For both of us."

It wasn't just about the fact that Paige had never slept with anyone before. Even though Emily had more experience, Paige knew that she didn't take that step casually, either.

Paige peeked in Emily's eyes to gauge her reaction. "And I know that I'm rambling and contradicting myself, but I just..."

Emily pulled Paige in for a hug. "No. I know exactly what you're feeling, Paige." Emily gave Paige a kiss on the cheek, trailing a finger from there to her chin. "I feel it, too. I love you, and I want to, but I don't want us to get ahead of ourselves." Emily reclined on the bed, pulling Paige down with her.

Paige pulled herself from Emily's grip and sat up. "Emily," she whined, drawing out the last syllable, "what are you doing?"

"Just come here," Emily said, pulling her back down. "We can cuddle and fall asleep together without it devolving into unrestrained lust." Paige lay stiff in Emily's arms. "Okay?" Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder, to get her to loosen up.

"Okay," Paige confirmed, finally breathing. She turned over to face Emily, cupping her cheek. "I really meant that, you know. When I said I love you."

Emily nodded. "I know. I meant it, too."

Paige turned over and let Emily rub her shoulder until she fell asleep. It was surreal to Emily that she had just had that conversation with Paige McCullers, and the fact that Paige let her hold her and soothe her to sleep. Had anybody told her a year ago that Paige would have allowed that to happen, Emily would've called that person crazy.

But, for all the talk of Paige 2.0, Emily had the sense that it was really the same Paige all along. Paige just never had the freedom, back in high school, to express who she really was.

Occasionally, Emily saw someone at Stanford who looked like a swimmer; someone who had the height, the long arms, and the developed chest muscles that were perfectly suited for competition. She wondered how great a swimmer that person would be, had someone taken notice when she was younger, and channeled her into a swimming program. In a sense, that was what she felt about Paige: All the raw materials were there all along. Emily happened to be the one who helped Paige bring them together.

* * *

Emily woke up just as the sunlight was starting to stream through the windows. It wasn't the sun that woke her, though. It was the sound of furniture being moved.

Emily tilted up on one elbow and laughed to herself. On the one hand, she couldn't believe that Paige had gotten up early and was rearranging the furniture. On the other hand, it didn't surprise her that, as goal-oriented as Paige was, she wouldn't think twice about it: _The furniture must be moved. I must move it._

Paige smiled shyly when she noticed that Emily was up and staring at her. Emily smiled shyly at having been caught staring. "Oh, hey, Em. How's it going?" _How's it going?_ Paige wasn't quite sure what the correct greeting was for someone with whom she'd just had the sex talk, but she was pretty sure that "How's it going?" wasn't it. But, with the way that Emily had been smiling at her, coupled with the fact that she was now second-guessing the wisdom of her decision to move the beds together without discussing it with Emily, that was the best greeting that she could come up with.

"It's going well," Emily said, nodding her head slowly. Paige gave a quick nod and a quick wave before she started pushing the dresser again.

"So, you decided to do a little redecorating?"

Paige chuckled nervously. "Well, you said it yourself: These beds aren't really made to hold two people."

"Oh, right... Well, this is a big step," Emily said sarcastically. "Are you sure you're ready? - Ready to let me have a drawer in your dresser? Ready for me to start keeping a toothbrush here?"

"Ha ha," Paige said flatly. "Don't bother to help me, or anything!"

"Oh," Emily said, waving her hand dismissively, "You seem to have it all under control!" With that, she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head, waiting for Paige's next move.

Paige dove on top of her, tickling her mercilessly, a trick that she'd learned from Emily herself. "Are you going to help? Are you going to help?"

Emily flailed wildly, screaming Paige's name over and over, until a shot with from her elbow sent Paige tumbling to the floor. She latched onto Emily, to try to keep herself from falling, but only succeeded in dragging Emily down on top of her. Once she got her bearings, she continued the assault of her fingers against Emily's sides until Emily capitulated. "Okay! Okay! I'll help! I'll help!"

But, by this time, Paige wasn't interested anymore. The physical activity of pre-dawn furniture moving had helped provide somewhat of a release for her overactive hormones, but after a few minutes of wrestling with Emily, they were back. With a vengeance. She lay on her side behind Emily and pulled Emily closer to her, her hips grinding uncontrollably against Emily's bottom. Emily moaned at the feeling, reaching behind her to stroke Paige's thigh. Paige kissed her shoulder, and Emily moved her arm up to Paige's hair, clenching her fingers in it, tugging at Paige's scalp.

Paige slid from behind Emily, gently laying Emily on her back against the floor. She climbed on top, with her palms on the floor and her elbows locked. Emily moved her hands to Paige's waist, helping to support some of her weight.

Emily's eyes were shifting rapidly from right to left and up and down, and she was licking her lips repeatedly, waiting for Paige's next move. Finally, Paige rolled to the side, facing away from Emily.

"Oh, God! I want to, Emily! I want to so much!"

Emily moved closer and laid her head on Paige's shoulder. She began rubbing Paige's stomach slowly. "It's okay, Paige."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Emily said, kissing Paige's neck.

They lay next to each other for a few minutes before Paige let out a deep sigh. "I'd better get this room back in shape."

"Yeah." Emily smacked Paige's ass as Paige got up. "You'd better." Emily lay on her back a few seconds longer before she sat up and said, "Let me help."

Paige offered Emily a hand to help her stand up. As Emily readjusted her clothes, Paige asked, "Are you sure that you're okay with pushing the beds together?"

"I'm sure!" Emily's tone was light. "Thank you," she said, more seriously.

* * *

"I think my roommate is trying to kill me," Emily blurted into the phone before Hanna could even say hello.

"Whoa - so, Evil Paige is back?"

"No," Emily yelped in an exasperated whine. She explained to Hanna that Paige was driving her crazy. No one whom she had ever been with knew her body as well as Paige did, and no one could get her going the way that Paige did; not just with her touch, but with her loving, caring nature, and with the way she had with words. And Paige was definitely into her. But, when it came down to it, Paige was never... well, _into_ her. So to speak.

"Shit, Em! Just when I think it's going to be marry or bang, it goes back to kill!" Hanna gasped into the phone. "O! M! G! Em!" the line went silent, and Emily had to ask what was up. "Maybe this has been her plan all along! Lull you into a false sense of security, and then... Dunh Dunh Dunh: The Death Blow!"

"Ugh! Hanna, would you stop?" Emily was yelling into her phone out of frustration as she paced around her room, gesturing wildly - not that there was anyone around to see. "Paige isn't _literally_ killing me, but she's... _literally_ killing me!"

"Okay! Jeez - calm down, Em! I get it: You're horny!"

"It's not even that, Hanna! I mean, I can go without... that. I've been with girls before and we never... But with Paige it's just... we're so close - emotionally, spiritually - and we're so close physically, in this tiny fucking room and... It's fucking killing me!"

"Maybe she's just scared? You know, first time after pining for you for all these years. It's a pretty big deal..."

"What? No! That's not it Hanna!"

But, as Emily gave it some thought, she realized that it might very well be the reason. She kicked herself for not having come up with it before. But she didn't feel right confessing to Hanna that it wasn't only going to be her first time with Emily or with a woman, but her first time ever. That was Paige's business; her very personal secret.

"Look, Hanna, I've got to go. I... Paige will be back any minute. We'll figure it out."

For some reason, as close as Paige and Emily had grown, and as open as they were with each other, Emily, once again, found herself lagging behind when it came to reading Paige's signals. Of course, there was a reason that Paige asked about Emily's first time, and whether or not Emily always liked it gentle. Paige was wondering what her first time would be like, and whether she would be able to meet Emily's needs when the time came.

Emily knew that, in order for them to get over this hump, she would have to make Paige feel safe. It wasn't a matter of seducing Paige and getting her to surrender to what they both wanted so deeply. For their first time, Emily would have to walk with Paige, step by step, making sure that Paige knew that she was loved, safe, and not alone on the journey.


	18. No Pressure

Paige and Emily were sitting cross-legged on the floor, with their backs against the bed. Midterms were just around the corner, and they were taking a study break - an actual study break, this time: Sipping some coffee and eating pound cake from a care package that Pam had sent them. It wasn't one of their "making out" study breaks. So Paige was caught off guard when Emily took the conversation around to sex.

Paige respond as she usually did, by using humor to deflect. "Why, Emily? Are you ready to do me?"

Emily, who had been concentrating on her coffee cup, looked Paige directly in the eyes and answered bluntly. "Yes."

Paige lost a little bit of her cool at that admission. Her shoulders sloped, and she began staring at her hands.

Emily reached into Paige's lap and took hold of her hand. "Paige, just to be clear, _we're_ not ready unless we're ready." She gave Paige's hand a squeeze. "And I'm not talking about right now. But I am ready. And I kind of get the feeling that you are, too?" Emily leaned her head in close, trying to read Paige's expression, but also wanting Paige to see the love that she was feeling.

"I... I am. I'm ready, Emily. It's just..." Emily squeezed Paige's hand again. Paige squeezed back. She wasn't returning Emily's gaze. "I'm just not sure that... it'll be good. For you. I'm not sure that I can satisfy you."

"Paige..." Emily really wanted to see Paige's eyes, but Paige avoided her. "Listen to me, please." Paige looked Emily in the nose. "I'm satisfied," Emily said sincerely. She gave Paige a tender kiss. "I just want you, okay? You don't have to worry about taking care of me. I'm not looking for a chance to get off. I just want to be with you, one hundred percent, no holding back, okay?"

Paige looked deep into Emily's eyes. She needed what Emily was saying to be true. And in her eyes, she saw that it was true. She managed a slight smile.

"Why don't we do this - if you're okay with it?" Emily began brushing her fingers through Paige's hair. "Sydney's having that party after exams next week. Her parents are in Tahoe. Why don't I ask her whether we can stay over Saturday night, just the two of us? We'll make dinner, watch a movie, and we'll see what happens. And, if Saturday night is the night, that's great. And if it's not, that's great, too, okay?" Paige nodded. "So, I'll ask Sydney?" Paige nodded. "'Cause, you know she's going to know why I'm asking..."

"I know." Paige's voice was nervous and shaky.

Emily gave Paige a sincere kiss. "So, you're okay?" Paige nodded. "You sure?"

"If you're sure you can hold off on this till Saturday!" Paige lifted her top and flashed her bra. Emily laughed out of shock at Paige's sudden change in demeanor.

"Who said anything about holding off on that?" Emily teased, teasingly grabbing two handfuls. She was relieved. Paige was joking again. They were going to be okay.

* * *

Sydney, unsurprisingly, was only too happy to help. She squealed and gave Emily a hug, and they made the arrangements. Emily smiled at Paige when she got back to her room. She didn't want to make a big deal out of it in front of Paige, although she was definitely excited - that kind of tingly, butterflies excited - but Paige didn't need any extra pressure.

"Well?"

"It's a go!" Emily gave Paige two thumbs up. Paige repeated the gesture, weakly. She would much rather have her first time with Emily in a real bed, and not in a room with walls as thin as the ones in the dorm. She just wished that they didn't have to get a third party involved.

"Sydney was really cool about it," Emily said, downplaying Sydney's effusive reaction. Sydney, took Emily's advice and downplayed it, too, when she saw Paige. She didn't give Paige any knowing smiles or sly teasing. It was as if she didn't even know that anything was going on.

And Sydney never said a word to the rest of her teammates. When people started packing up to head home late Saturday morning, Paige and Emily volunteered to stay behind to help clean. None of the rest of the team knew that they were going to spend another night there.

Sydney herself cleared out after the last of the stragglers had gone. Before she did, she allowed herself one moment of relishing what was about to happen. She gave Paige a long, tight hug when they said good-bye. She felt as if she were seeing that Paige for the last time; that, the next time she saw her, Paige would truly be a woman. Paige would have cringed had she known what was going through Sydney's mind, but she didn't, so she just enjoyed the hug, taking courage from it, and she thanked Sydney for her support.

"So," she said nervously, dangling her arms like misaligned pendulums, and clapping them together in front of and behind her body.

Emily gave her a hug to steady her and led her by the hand into into Sydney's living room. As the hard wood of the foyer gave way to the plush carpet of the living room, the soft sensation against Emily's bare feet stirred up a memory. She looked back at Paige, who was still trailing behind her, and smiled. "Remember Truth or Dare?"

Paige nodded, smiling nervously. "My truth?"

"My dare!" Emily widened her eyes at the memory of the kiss. But they didn't need to rush into that. They had all night. The most important thing was making sure that Paige felt safe.

Emily sat down on the sofa and patted the cushion. "Come sit with me." Paige eyed her nervously, as if afraid that Emily was going to talk to her about how to please a woman, or just the clothes off of her and start on a live demonstration. "Tell me about field hockey."

"Field hockey?"

"Yeah!" Emily shrugged. "Was it fun? Do you miss playing – competing? Do you miss the team aspect?"

"We're talking about field hockey?"

"Sure… Or whatever you want. Or we can watch something." Emily reached for the remote.

"Could we just… sit here for a minute?"

"Of course!" Emily was skirting the line between pleasantly positive and positively annoying. But Paige was grateful to have a moment to collect herself. She sat, rigid, next to Emily on the couch, with her hands on her thighs. She looked the way she always did in the locker room before a big meet, only without the earbuds in her ears.

"Do you want a snack?" Paige shook her head. "Just… want to… sit here," Emily said slowly. She was running out of ideas for ways to get Paige to relax and enjoy their time together.

Paige began drumming her fingers against her knees. Her eyes were ranging all around the room. Anywhere except at her girlfriend sitting next to her.

 _This is ridiculous._ Emily was struggling not to sigh in frustration, or to tell Paige to get a grip. She knew that either of those reactions would do more harm than good.

So she sat.

Finally, she scooted over on the couch, about a foot farther away from Paige. Paige looked at her, confused. Emily pulled Paige by the shoulder, laying her head in her lap. She swiped Paige's hair away from her face and kissed her cheek, placing her palm where her lips had been.

Paige sighed contentedly. She was beginning to realize that this was going to be like any other afternoon together. Except that it would end in sex. Somehow, with her head in Emily's lap, and Emily's hand on her cheek, that prospect no longer frightened, but now delighted her. She scrunched her lips, attempting to kiss Emily's hand, but it was out of reach. "You have a way of touching my cheek, Emily, and it just feels so good. Every damned time."

Emily rubbed a circle against Paige's cheek. "Well, that's how I feel when you touch my cheek, or when we hold hands."

Paige rolled over onto her back so that she could look up at Emily and still keep her head in Emily's lap. "Really?" She was smiling like an overstimulated toddler.

"Of course!" Emily's voice was higher than normal as she bent over and kissed Paige's lips. "Because you're my girlfriend," she said, in the same excited voice, with another kiss. "And I love you!"

When Emily leaned in for the third kiss, Paige grabbed her behind her head and held her in place, drawing out the kiss. "I love you, too!"

Paige scooted back on her side, laying her head on top of her hands in Emily's lap. "Do you still want to talk about field hockey?"

Emily shrugged. "If you do."

"Nah." Paige rested for a few moments. "Do you want to watch something?"

* * *

Paige woke up, stretched, and followed the smell of cooking to the kitchen. She had fallen asleep watching some black-and-white horror movie that Emily chose, while Emily stroked her hair and, occasionally, dug her fingers into her shoulder because something creepy or scary had happened on screen. Emily's legs had fallen asleep, too. She managed to get up without waking Paige, and she watched her for a few moments, sleeping peacefully, before she decided to get a start on dinner.

Paige smiled at the sight that met her in the kitchen: Emily, sashaying around the kitchen, humming to herself, and occasionally singing along to the music that was playing on her phone. She was thoroughly enjoying herself in the kitchen – a concept that was completely foreign to Paige's experience.

The smile wasn't the only reaction that watching Emily stirred in Paige. The other reaction was much deeper – and lower. She walked up behind Emily, circled her arms around her waist, and kissed her behind the ear.

Emily shrieked in surprise, throwing the salt shaker that she had been holding high into the air. Paige burst out laughing. Emily turned sharply and slapped her in the chest.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Paige exclaimed, her hands raised in surrender.

"Oh, you are _so_ not sorry!" Emily couldn't help smiling when she said that.

"Well, I didn't do it on purpose, but you have to admit, it was pretty hilarious!"

Emily tsked and shook her head, turning her attention back to the stove.

"I am sorry that I fell asleep, though."

"Don't worry about it," Emily said softly, patting the spot on Paige's chest that she had just smacked.

Paige washed her hands. "Can I help?"

"Nope!" Emily handed Paige the glass of wine that she had been taking sips from and ushered her to one of the stools around the kitchen bar, with a hand on her back. "It's all under control. Just keep me company." Emily silenced the music.

"There's something sexy about a girl who knows her way around the kitchen."

"Yeah?" Emily twisted her head to smile at Paige. "You like the way I move in the kitchen."

"Oh yeah." Paige squeezed her legs together a little bit and bit her lip. She couldn't believe how lucky she was that she was going to be the one Emily would be moving that body against before the night was over. "God, I love you," she couldn't help saying.

Emily walked over to her, a spoon in one hand and the recovered salt shaker in the other, holding them out to her side as she stood in between Paige's legs and gave her a kiss. "To be continued," she cooed seductively.

* * *

Dinner was close. They didn't have candlelight or any romantic trappings, and they were just dressed in what they had been wearing after the sleepover, but they were in almost constant contact - holding hands, bumping naked bare thighs, kissing occasionally. They didn't drink too much, and yet Paige definitely felt warm all over and a slight buzz.

It was anticipation, not intoxication.

Paige got up to clear the table and stacked all of the dishes in the sink, to deal with them later. She didn't want to risk losing her nerve by delaying things and letting the mood fade. She breathed deeply and smiled at Emily, and they to a slow walk down to Sydney's room, hand in hand.

* * *

 **A/N - Guys, I'm really, really sorry for cutting it off here. (I hate cliffhangers, too!) I've just learned that I need to keep a strict daily limit on the length of these chapters if I'm going to maintain my life-balance. So, it was either gloss over their first time in a couple of paragraphs, or split it up into two chapters. I hope you'll agree with my decision - and that their first time will be worth the wait...**

 **Thanks for reading! Sorry! :(  
**


	19. Body Language

Emily sat on the bed next to Paige, angled towards her, with one foot on the floor and the other tucked under. She was holding Paige's hands on top of the blanket. She talked with Paige the importance of communication; that Paige needed to let her know what she wanted, what she liked, and what she didn't like.

Paige forced a smile. She wasn't sure that she could tell Emily what she liked, but she was positive that she couldn't tell her what she didn't like.

Emily, reading Paige's thoughts, gave her hand a squeeze. "You don't have to say it out loud, but you have to let me know." Paige understood. And as they progressed in their journey of exploration, Emily learned to interpret Paige's communication. A stroke meant that she liked it. A gentle squeeze meant "not so much." A tight squeeze - especially with nails dug in - meant "oh, God, yes." A drawn out moan meant that she was about to come undone.

Paige was prepared emotionally and mentally for what happened that night, but she wasn't prepared physically. She had always enjoyed Emily's touch, but that night, it was off the charts. It seemed that Emily's touch was everywhere. There were fires going off in all of Paige's zones. Her body was spasming beyond her control. And went she felt the warm, moisture of Emily's tongue inside her, she nearly lost her mind. After Paige convulsed to a climax, Emily laid her head on top of her stomach, using her shoulders to help calm Paige's body down. Paige's head was still shifted to the side on the bed. Emily gently rubbed her thighs, and Paige gradually uncurled her toes and unclenched her fists.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Wow," Paige echoed. Emily kissed Paige's navel. "Please, Em. I don't think I can take anymore just now." Paige looked down at Emily, worried about her reaction. Emily slid up next to her and kissed her cheek, laying her head on Paige's shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Paige nodded. "Yeah. Just give me a minute and I'll be ready to..."

Emily stopped rubbing Paige's stomach and sat up, letting her hand rest in its place. "No, Paige. Tonight's about you. This is your first time. Let's just take some time to enjoy it, okay?" She nodded, trying to get Paige to mirror her gesture.

Paige looked guilty. She really wanted to lie back and savor the moment, but she wanted to be a good girlfriend. Before she could protest, Emily spoke again. "It'll be my turn in the morning, okay? We've got all day Sunday."

Paige let herself smile. She brushed her hand through Emily's hair and kissed her forehead. "Thank you. For everything. Tonight was... mind-blowing. I love you."

Emily smiled and kissed Paige's lips. "I love you, too." At that moment, she fully realized how much she did. She couldn't wait for the morning. Her body was tingling, aching for Paige. But she had meant what she said. It was Paige's night, and Emily was happy to celebrate with her.

They were content to lie next to each other, not really talking; touching gently; kissing from time to time.

Without warning, Paige's kisses became more focused, and her touches more intimate. Before Emily knew what had happened, she was underneath Paige, feeling Paige's hot thigh pressing against her.

"Paige," she said in a cautious tone, "you don't have to."

"Please Emily." The look in Paige's eye was intense. "I really need to be inside you."

Emily nodded helplessly. After everything that they had shared that day - and what they had just shared in bed - Emily's body was longing for Paige. Her defenses were down. The parting of her legs completed the surrender.

Paige was inexperienced, having only Emily's example to go on, but her body knew what to do. She let it lead her.

The moan that came as Emily's walls clenched around Paige's fingers was from Paige herself. It felt warm and inviting in there, like Emily herself. _That's it!_ Paige realized. That was why it felt so right. It was as if she were now a part of Emily in a deeper way than she had ever been before. "I love you," she whispered in Emily's ear, and Emily responded by digging her fingernails into Paige's shoulder. Paige was nibbling Emily's ear. One hand was working inside her, and the other was everywhere else. Emily didn't know how much more she could take. "Paige... Please!" she begged desperately, her nails now digging into Paige's ass.

Paige nodded. She slid down the bed and took a long look at what lay ahead of her.

Emily cringed inside, knowing that she couldn't climax from oral sex. She reminded herself that it was Paige's night; her time to explore and discover. Even if it killed her, she would hold off on her own needs.

Paige probed deep inside Emily's walls. She reveled at the taste, and devoured it greedily. Emily lay back and enjoyed the sensation, going with it, even though she needed more. All of a sudden, Paige's nose brushed against her clit, sending Emily's ass up off of the bed and unleashing a moan from Emily's lips. When it happened again - and again, in steady rhythm - Emily's fist pounded against the mattress while her other hand clenched in Paige's hair. It may have happened by accident the first time, but Paige definitely picked up on the reaction. She placed her hands on Emily's thighs to hold her in place, rubbing gently but firmly from the inside out. "Oh, God!" Emily screamed, as much in shock as in ecstasy over what was happening. "Oh, God, Paige, I'm coming!"

For Emily, everything shifted into slow motion. It felt like that last, big drop on a roller-coaster - her body falling fast, with her stomach lagging almost a full second behind. She never wanted the ride to end.

"Holy shit, McCullers!"

Paige looked up shyly, almost apologetically, as she wiped her mouth against the sheet. She felt a little guilty, as if she had been surreptitiously spying on an intensely private, sacred moment in Emily's life. She had to remind herself that she was allowed. Emily was her girlfriend, after all. And she was the one responsible for that sacred moment.

There were three things that Paige would treasure in her memory of her first time. The first two are obvious: Her first orgasm, and the first time that she brought Emily to orgasm. The third was Emily, asleep in her arms, both of them fully at peace, both of them now fully one.

* * *

Emily felt a twinge in her nipple and instinctively responded by squeezing her thighs and moving her hand down there. As she grew more fully awake, she remembered that she had fallen asleep with Paige. She had felt it when Paige got frisky in her sleep before, but that had only happened once, when Paige was drunk. Since Paige wasn't drunk this time, Emily had a hunch that, this time, Paige was awake.

Emily opened her eyes slowly, surprised that the room was still dark. "Paige?" she whispered softly, not wanting to wake Paige unnecessarily, if her hunch was wrong. Paige responded by rubbing Emily's bottom, and Emily moaned in contentment. "What time is it?" she rasped sleepily.

"A little after 10."

Emily jerked up, twisting her body around, looking at Paige, confused. "It's still night time?" It had felt as if she had been asleep for hours.

"Sorry. I was too keyed up to sleep."

Emily lay back down, backing up closer against Paige and wriggling into place. "Don't be," she said sleepily. "I wasn't complaining."

Paige rolled onto her back. "I thought that cuddling would help me sleep."

Emily reached behind her until she found Paige's wrist. Tugging it across her waist and stretching it tight around her, she said, "So, cuddle."

Paige kissed the back of Emily's head and nuzzled her chin into her hair. She couldn't believe what had happened - what she and Emily had done; what Emily had let her do. And, now, Emily was naked in bed with her, pulling her close, totally unembarrassed, fully at ease, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if it had always been like that. As if it always would be. Emily was there because she wanted to be there; wanted Paige there; wanted to be there with Paige. Paige was overwhelmed. A soft, "I love you" came out in a whisper. She was afraid to say it again; afraid that Emily would think it too needy and clingy that Paige couldn't stop saying it after they made love, but she couldn't help herself. She only hoped that Emily was too asleep to hear.

"Mmmmmm, I love you, too," Emily cooed contentedly. "Sleep now."

At that moment, Paige realized that she was content. If nothing else had happened between them that night, and if nothing more happened the rest of the weekend, she would be content. Just lying there with Emily was enough. Just being the one whom Emily wanted there with her was enough. Just Emily was enough.

But she was still too keyed up to sleep. She found herself babbling about anything that went through her mind, verbalizing her entire stream of consciousness. The weather. Sports. Antonin Scalia. The Silk Road and its implications on global trade and the international marketplace. It was full-on diarrhea of the mouth. Emily was doing her best to be patient. She understood why Paige was babbling on and on like that, but she just wanted to lie there and enjoy the moment that they had shared. Finally sat up and said, "Paige, please understand that this is coming from a place of love: You have a very talented tongue. Please don't waste it on talking right now."

Paige gasped in shock at that statement but, in the end, took it as a compliment. She moved her thumb and index finger to her lips, miming twisting a key in a lock, and lay next to Emily again. Emily rolled over, signaling Paige to do the same. Thus repositioned, with Emily as big spoon, Emily rubbed Paige's bottom soothingly, to help her to relax. She occasionally ranged her hand up the length of Paige's spine, enjoying the feeling of the smooth skin there, perfect except for a few claw marks, which Emily smoothed over with her index finger. She was certain that they would heal quickly. As her hand took the return trip down Paige's back, Emily paused to circle her palm over the buttons of Paige's spine, protruding against her skin from the way that she was curled up in the bed.

Emily inadvertently discovered a spot low on Paige's back, just above her ass. It sent jolts through Paige's core when Emily pressed against it. The discovery proved counterproductive; Paige became wide awake, and they ended up having another go around. But it worked out, in the end, because it wore them both out, and they were finally able to get some well-earned rest.

* * *

Emily could feel eyes on her when she woke up to the light of the sun peeking in through the curtains. She looked over her shoulder and smiled weakly at the sight of Paige, on her side, propped up on one shoulder. Emily rolled back into her pillow.

"Hey," Paige said softly, and Emily echoed her, sleepily. "I'm sorry if I was... a little... rough," Paige said, peering through eyes that were apologetically scrunched up.

Emily reached behind her until her hand found Paige's arm. She squeezed it gently. "It's fine," she said, remembering to be patient. "Sometimes I like rough," she yawned.

"Oh." Paige opened her mouth to say something, but it came out as a gasp of realization. "Oh! So that explains the, 'Is that all you've got, McCullers?'"

Emily giggled and rolled over to face Paige, stroking her chest in an attempt to cushion what she was about to say. "It just seemed that you were... holding back a little, and I wanted you to know that you weren't going to break me."

It was true. Paige knew how aggressive she could get when she was in the zone, and she was worried that she would go too hard. "So, you thought you'd push my buttons?" Paige was smiling at how easy it had been for Emily to manipulate her.

Emily shrugged shyly. "It worked..."

"Yes, it did," Paige said in a deep, sultry voice, as she eased Emily onto her back and sat on top of her.

"Really, McCullers? Again?" Emily was trying to sound annoyed, but the smile of anticipation and the way that her legs were quivering gave her away.

"Yes, again," Paige said, leaning down and kissing Emily's collarbone. Emily, still basking in the love that they had shared the previous day and night, moaned in delight. "But maybe," Paige said between kisses, "more gently this time?"

"Mmm... You read my mind."

* * *

They had no desire or reason to get out of bed that morning, so they lay there together, sometimes talking, sometimes not; sometimes sleeping, but always touching. They didn't make love again until the shower. And again, shortly after the shower. It was a time of discovery and delight. It was like tasting extremely rich chocolate for the first time, and not being able to get enough. Only, this chocolate was good for them. Paige didn't worry about missing her morning run. She reasoned that she was burning off a lot more calories with Emily.

"Just looking at you," she remarked, letting Emily feel the beating of her heart, "is an aerobic exercise."


	20. Driving Home

Emily kept stealing glances at Paige as she drove back to campus. At first, she wanted to make sure that Paige was okay. The indelible grin on Paige's face gave her the answer. After a while, Emily was looking over just to see how long it was going to stay on her face. _Damn, I'm good._ A giggle escaped as that thought went through her head. Paige asked what was so funny.

"You know, if you keep that up," she replied, circling her finger in the area of Paige's grin, "everyone's going to figure out what happened this weekend."

"Yeah," Paige said with a straight face, "as if you're not going to be bragging to the whole damned campus about how you popped my cherry!" They both burst into laughter at those words. When the laughter died down, Paige said, "I'm just glad that we didn't do it in the dorm. I mean - not that we can't do it in the dorm; I'm just glad that our first time wasn't in the dorm."

"I know, right?" Emily chuckled. "God, can you imagine? We'd have people banging on the walls." _I'd have_ you _banging on the walls!_

Emily squeezed Paige's shoulder and let her hand trail down Paige's arm all the way to her hand, which was in her lap. She wanted to know that Paige was really okay, but she didn't want to ask. Deep inside, she still had the image of high school Paige, the ultra-competitive Paige, who would have viewed the question as a slight from Emily, or an attempt to assert her dominance. But she really wanted to know. She sighed and plunged in. "Paige, are you going to be okay if people start talking? I mean, word always seems to get out about stuff like this."

"Nah, I don't mind. I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Wait - do I?" Paige waited a beat before she smiled and nudged Emily's shoulder, to let her know that she was kidding.

" _Nothing_ ," Emily replied seriously. Seeing the smug look on Paige's face, she added, "Well, you can get pretty loud, but that's nothing to be ashamed of!"

Paige started to blush, but she was laughing. "Now, I'm _really_ glad that our first time wasn't in the dorm!"

A bit farther down the road, Emily glanced over at Paige and told her, "Well, Sydney's going to want to know whether or not anything happened, but she won't say anything to anybody. And I'll just tell her the big picture. I don't think that she's going to want the dirty details anyway."

"No, she won't," Paige agreed. "Your friend Hanna is the one who's going to want details!"

"You know it!" Emily was both surprised and relieved at the way that Paige was handling things. She took her eyes off the road just long enough to give her a quick peck on the cheek. She squeezed Paige's hand one final time before returning her hand to the steering wheel.

* * *

Emily kept looking over and giving Paige small smiles. Paige was getting embarrassed at the attention. "What?" she finally said, smiling demurely.

"You're insatiable, aren't you? I might need to ask for another room when we get back to campus – for your own good! No to mention mine!"

Paige leaned her head forward to punctuate her reply. "I do tend to get a bit… obsessive about things. You know, learning a new skill or taking on a new challenge."

"Oh, so I'm like a job to you?" Emily squeezed Paige's knee to let her know that she was only joking. She knew how Paige approached everything. "Well, you're a quick study," she concluded with a wink.

"You're my favorite subject!" Paige was smiling at first, but her expression grew more serious. Her next words came out haltingly. "I think… part of the reason that I was so… horrible to you… was that I was afraid of… falling for you. Not that that's any excuse."

"Paige, you don't need to make excuses." Emily looked at Paige, to let her see the sincerity. "We've been through it. It's in our past."

Paige nodded her head in thanks, but continued anyway. "I think I knew that I was attracted to you back then. I mean, who wouldn't be? You were always so kind and good. And, let's face it, with the way you look and as talented as you are, you really didn't have to be. You could get away with being snobby."

Emily looked over and smiled. "Thanks. I guess?" Emily squeezed Paige's shoulder. "I was kind of attracted to you back then, too."

Paige laughed out loud. Emily gave her a confused look. Paige shook her head. "You don't have to say that, Emily."

"What? I'm serious!" Paige rolled her eyes. "I mean, I admit that you were really…" Emily leaned her head back, trying to find a word.

"I think 'obnoxious' is what you're trying to say."

"No, actually, that's what I'm trying _not_ to say. But, since you've said it, yeah, you were. But you were also really focused and confident, and I wanted to be like you, in that way."

"Really?" Emily shrugged. "Huh." Paige took a minute to think it over.

"Everybody thinks of me as this pushover, you know? Good little Emily – wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I never thought of you that way. I mean, you couldn't have gotten where you were with your swimming if you didn't have self-confidence and some competitiveness."

"Well, maybe in the pool, but in general."

"Well, I know better than that. First-hand. Like, when I was freaking out on the airplane, you were so strong and so steady."

Emily shrugged nonchalantly. Those trips, and Paige's behavior, weren't a great memory for her. She didn't really like to think about them.

"That really… did my head in, Emily."

"What did?"

"Holding your hand like that, falling asleep on your shoulder. I mean, where I was back then, knowing that I would never be allowed to feel what I was feeling, but still undeniably feeling it. I was just too… I tried to talk to you or say thank you, but I was just too afraid." Paige cringed at the memory.

"Wow. I had no idea. I just thought that you were messing with _my_ head."

"I just wish that I had been a lot more honest back then. With myself, with my Dad, with you. "

Emily put her hand on Paige's thigh and stroked it gently. "Well, we're here, now. That's all that matters. That, and the fact that we learn from it."

"I can't believe that we really are here, now. I can't believe that we're together."

"I know right?" Emily looked over with a warm smile. "It seems that everything happened so fast doesn't it?"

"You don't regret it, though?"

"No, of course not. Do you?"

"No…"

Emily could sense that there was more to the story. "But?"

"But I'm going to need you to take your hand back," Paige said, lifting Emily's hand off of her thigh and putting it back onto the steering wheel. "Either that, or you're going to have to pull over."

Emily laughed, brushing the hair out of her face, and Paige laughed nervously, trying to make it appear that she was only joking. Emily picked up on the nerves. "Seriously, McCullers?"

"Well, you didn't seem to mind last night. Or this morning. Or this afternoon…"

"No, of course I don't mind it's just – I don't know. Surprising, I guess."

"What can I say? I've got a lot of time to make up for."

Emily recognized the reference that Paige was making to swimming from behind in a relay race. "Don't worry, Paige. There's still plenty of race left. We've got all the time in the world."

"Oh God!" Paige's eyes grew wide. She squeezed Emily's shoulder. "Never say that, Em!"

Emily looked over, puzzled - and a little hurt.

"That's what James Bond said right before Blofeld shot his wife!"

* * *

Emily reached across the front seat and touched her palm to Paige's cheek. Paige lifted her head sleepily and looked out of the windows, attempting to get her bearings. "Hey," she said through a yawn.

"Hey," Emily repeated. She looked over with a smile and asked, "Remember the last time we were on this stretch of road?"

Paige took another look out of the window and smiled in recognition. "When you blew out that tire."

Emily nodded, turning her head back to the road. It was one of her favorite memories – the first time that she saw Paige so adorable and shy – and she enjoyed let her mind go there and linger from time to time. As much as she loved cocky, self-confident Paige, there was something about that vulnerable Paige, and the fact that Emily was getting a glimpse of a side of her that, she was sure, few other people in the world were privileged to see.

But she was had other reasons for bringing it up at that particular moment. After Paige had brought up her freak-out on the airplane, Emily wanted to remind her that she, too, had those kind of moments, and that Paige was the one who was able to calm her down. "You were so calming and reassuring." Emily shook her head at the memory. "I mean, I was melting down like a two year old, but you…"

"I would've done _anything_ to make you feel safe, Em." Paige was looking at Emily as if trying to convince her, but Emily had already been convinced, and it wasn't because of Paige's words or earnest looks.

"It's nice to know that you've got my back," Emily said jovially. She patted Paige's thigh. Paige picked up Emily's hand and gave it a kiss. She realized that what Emily had said was true: She did have Emily's back. She would be there for Emily, whatever she needed.

"And it's nice to know that you've got mine, too."

"Absolutely!" Emily put her hand on Paige's cheek again. Paige covered Emily's hand with hers and kept it there.

"I remember the first time you did that. In fact, I remember every time that you've done that." Paige was running through those instances in her head. "It still feels just as good, every time."

"Aw!" Emily couldn't help say, before she had to pull her hand away and put it back on the steering wheel, grazing her fingernails against Paige's cheek as she did.

* * *

Emily looked up, leaning her head on her hand with her elbow propped up on the pillow, as Paige went through her ritual of arranging the sheet and the blanket.

"What?" she pleaded, when she caught Emily's eyes on her. "I can't sleep with part of my body covered unless my all of my legs and feet are covered, too."

Emily laughed. "Oh, trust me. I've learned all about your little OCD ways."

"Not OCD," Paige said disdainfully, pretending to be offended. "I just like to have everything nice and in order, don't you?"

"Sure, but that doesn't mean segregating my mixed vegetables!"

"Emily," Paige said with a seemingly sincere face as she climbed under the covers that she had finally managed to get perfect, "everyone knows that you eat the worst first and save the best for last!"

"I don't know," Emily said. "Haven't you ever heard the philosophy that you should eat dessert first, because you might die during dinner?"

Paige rolled her eyes. She _had_ heard that argument. "Yeah, but the odds of dying during a meal are about 1 in…" Emily cut her off with a kiss. When she moved her head back, Paige kissed her again, hungrily. "You know," she said, pulling away, 'there's going to come a day when that's not going to work anymore."

"What's not going to work anymore?"

"Kissing me to distract me and shut me up."

"I wasn't kissing you to shut you up," Emily said honestly. She moved on top of Paige, sitting with her hands on either side of Paige's waist. "I kissed you because you're so damned cute."

Paige recognized the look in Emily's eye. She had seen a lot of it over the weekend. "Emily, are you… are we…"

Emily pulled on a strand of Paige's hair that had escaped from her loose pony tail, tugging it high in the air and then wrapping it behind Paige's ear. "Only if you want," she said with a casual shrug.

"Oh, I want!" Paige reached behind Emily's neck and pulled her in for a kiss, grinding their pelvises together.

Emily had worried that things would be awkward when they got back to the dorms – back with their teammates, but she didn't need to be. The only thing that she needed to worry about was waking their neighbors.

* * *

Paige ran into Sydney on the way to the bathroom the following morning. Sydney greeted her casually, and Paige dipped her head self-consciously, telling Sydney all that she wanted to know but hadn't yet had the chance to ask Emily. Sydney smiled and squeezed Paige's shoulder, and Paige relaxed, grateful that Sydney wasn't making a big deal out of it.

* * *

"I knew it! I knew Paige McCullers would be a tiger in the bedroom. So, you two fucked like bunnies?"

"Hanna!" Emily was trying to keep her voice down. "That's not how it was. It was... something special. It's not as if we were two horn dogs going at it. We're just really connected, you know? So it's just natural that we would want to... share that with each other. Especially since we've had feelings for each other for so long."

"Uh huh." Hanna could tell by Emily's lowered voice that she wasn't alone. "She's there right now, isn't she?"

"Yes, Hanna, but that doesn't mean..."

"I'll talk to you later, Em!"

Emily's head snapped back when she realized that Hanna had hung up on her. Moments later, Paige's phone buzzed. With a chuckle, she walked it over to Emily to show her who was calling. "I guess you didn't do a good enough job painting a verbal picture for her."

"Damn it, Hanna!" Emily shook her head and reached for Paige's phone. "I'll talk to her..."

Paige shook her head. "I got this." Swiping her phone, she answered, playing innocent. "Hello, Hanna. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Ha ha, very funny." Hanna's voice turned sweet. "So, how was it?"

"Are you looking for a letter grade?"

"No, I just want to know how Emily stacks up against all the other gals you've been with. And the guys."

"Well, considering I've never 'been with' any other gals - or guys, I'd have to say she ranks pretty high."

"What?"

Silence.

"Are you shitting me?"

"Would I shit you?"

"You've never?"

"Never."

"How come Emily never mentioned that to me."

"Um - wild guess: because it's none of your business?"

Hanna turned serious. "Paigey. She's my best friend. Of course it's my business!"


	21. Sometimes, We Fight

**A/N - Ugh. This was a hard chapter to write, but I feel that it's important for an understanding of the character of Paige in this AU. Apologies in advance to those of you who don't like the way I've written her in this fic - any of you who are still reading it, that is... :(**

* * *

Paige was walking briskly, heading nowhere, just making a grand loop around the campus in the dusky darkness. Her arms were hugged tightly around her waist, for fear that, if left on their own, they would punch something hard, or something breakable. She had no idea how long she had been walking.

* * *

Like most wars, it started over something small. Paige tripped over Emily's boots, which were in the exact middle of the floor, as she was dashing out of the door. Emily, after a late night in the library, hadn't had time to put her boots away the night before She just wanted to get to bed.

To hear Paige tell it, Emily never had time to put her things away. To hear Paige tell it, she was sharing the room with a pack rat.

Emily's side of the story was that Paige felt compelled to be in control of every single thing in the room. Emily, as she pointed out, managed to navigate their room just fine without tripping over things.

Paige was running late, so they didn't take the time to talk things through. So, things festered, as each of them continued with mock arguments in her head all throughout the day.

They went to bed that night lying to each other that everything was okay, neither one wanting to seem so petty for holding on to a squabble over nothing.

The next day, it was obvious to Sydney that something was up between them, but they just smiled perfunctorily, convincing themselves that their charade was fooling the rest of the team.

On the evening of the third day, when Paige was trying to concentrate on Dynamics of Organizations and Emily was chatting with Hanna - something which Paige ordinarily found amusing - Paige lost it. Emily was self-centered, inconsiderate, and a slob. Paige couldn't believe the words that were spilling out of her mouth.

And Paige, according to Emily, was a spoiled, entitled baby, who allowed the smallest thing to set her off. Emily wasn't in the mood to be understanding of Paige's childhood and how it had shaped her. Paige had hit below the belt, and Emily was sick of making excuses for her.

"Fine!" And that was it. Paige slammed the door behind her.

Emily had given back as much as she got from Paige, matching her in volume and venom. They heard some of their neighbors' doors open as they went at it with each other. Paige glared a couple of them back into their rooms on her way out of the building.

* * *

While Paige roamed the campus, Emily lay curled up in the corner of her bed, crying as she clutched her phone, willing it to ring. Paige hadn't taken her calls, and Emily was sure that she hadn't listened to any of the messages that she had left, pleading for her to come home so that they could work it out. But Emily's anger shifted to fear when her calls started going straight to voice mail. She had no idea where Paige was or what might have happened to her. She only knew that Paige had been gone too long. Emily feared the worst: Paige, in her distracted state, wasn't paying attention when she went through an intersection. It wouldn't have mattered whether Paige had run away on foot, on her bike, or in Emily's car. The end results would have been the same.

* * *

Emily would have ignored the knock on the door had it not been for Paige's weak voice that accompanied it.

"Emily?"

"Oh, thank God," Emily whispered as she rolled out of bed and bounded over to the door, not bothering to attempt to get herself together first. As soon as she threw the door open, she threw her arms around Paige's neck and clung to her. Paige grabbed Emily's waist and held on just as desperately. Both of them were on the verge of tears.

Emily abruptly pulled out of the hug when she remembered why she was mad at Paige. "Why didn't you call me?" she demanded, striking Paige on the shoulder, her voice louder than she intended.

Paige was knocked back a couple of steps and rubbed the spot where Emily's blow had landed, more out of shock than out of pain. Reaching into the back pocket of her jeans, she pulled out the pieces of her phone that she had salvaged after she launched it into the side of the sciences building. Emily rolled her eyes. Then, suddenly realizing that they were in the hall and very much in public, she pulled Paige inside by the wrist. As she did, she asked, annoyed, "Forgot your key?"

Paige shook her head contritely, looking down at her sneakers. "I wasn't sure that you would want me to come back."

Emily slammed the door shut with a long, loud groan. "Uggggggggggh!" Her voice was heavy with frustration, anger, and disbelief at what Paige had said. "Oh, God!" she continued shouting, "Jesus, Paige!"

When she turned and saw Paige standing there like a wounded fawn, she stepped back from her anger, remembering their hungover morning-after, so many months ago, when Paige had talked in her sleep about how everyone always left her. "Come here," she said softly. She hugged Paige, not with the desperation of their previous hug, but with love and assurance. When the hug ended, Emily kept her hands on Paige's shoulders and looked into her eyes, speaking softly and calmly. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Paige nodded, sniffling, and hugged her again. "And you're not either, okay?" Emily had stepped back so that she could look Paige in the eyes again.

Paige grabbed onto Emily by the biceps. "Yes, Emily - I swear!"

"We work things out, okay?"

"Yes! I swear, Emily!" Paige's voice was cracking in surrender. She would have said yes to anything. She couldn't lose Emily.

But Emily wasn't looking for surrender. She smoothed away the hair on both sides of Paige's face, leaving her hands on Paige's cheeks as she kissed her softly. "Because we love each other... Okay?"

Paige kept nodding. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Just hold me," Emily whispered. As Paige eagerly did, Emily added, "I'm sorry, too."

* * *

Paige and Emily lay face-to-face in their pushed-together beds that night. They were both exhausted, mentally worn out by the evening's drama, but they knew that they weren't about to get to sleep. The air was still too thick with tension.

Paige spoke first, her arm resting loosely on Emily's hip. "Are you still mad at me?" Emily shook her head. "Really?"

"Paige, we're going to fight, sometimes. And, sometimes, it's going to go over the line, the way it did tonight. But that's okay. You know that, right?" Paige shrugged. "Look," Emily sighed. "When things build up like that, it's not healthy to keep them all bottled up. I mean, best case, we talk it through before it gets out of hand, but if we explode, then we explode, okay?" Emily kissed her softly. "And then we go back to normal again," she pleaded with another kiss. "Back to Paige and Emily."

"And if we don't?"

Emily shrugged. "Just promise me that you won't leave. Whatever happens, we talk it out. And, if we can't work it out..." Emily shrugged. "But don't you quit on me, and I won't quit on you."

* * *

As top-tier swimmers, one of the things that Paige and Emily had learned of necessity was how to let go. After a bad leg in a relay, a bad race in a meet, or a bad meet in a season, they moved on, not letting the experience get them down. This discipline was what helped them leave the previous day's fight behind them when they got up the next morning. They settled quickly into their morning routine.

Paige was on the floor by the side of the bed doing push-ups when Emily woke. Emily put her legs over the side of the bed, resting them on Paige's back and letting them take the free ride up and down. Paige's skin felt warm against the soles of her feet, and she enjoyed feeling the bumps of Paige's vertebrae as her back rose up and dipped down.

"Ah! (15, 16, 17) Emily, your feet are freezing!"

Emily laughed wickedly. "Well, if you can't handle my popsicle toes, put on a shirt next time you do push-ups on the side of the bed!" Of course, Emily was perfectly content with Paige's choice of short running shorts and a sports bra, though.

"Okay, but (21, 22, 23), how did your feet even get that cold? (26, 27, 28)"

Paige made it to 30 and rolled onto her side, leaning up on her elbow, taking deep breaths after the exertion. Emily became entranced, her eyes focused on Paige's abs as they contracted and expanded in a steady, pulsating rhythm. She slid onto the floor next to her, reaching out to feel the ebb and flow. "You sure are touchy today, Roomie. What got into you?"

"These," Emily said, grabbing the index and middle finger of Paige's right hand. "Have you forgotten so quickly?"

"I haven't forgotten a thing." Paige shifted and Emily found herself on her back, with Paige hovering over her. Emily's hands were on Paige's ribs, supporting her, and her eyes were shifting rapidly, taking quick snapshots of all the different aspects of her girlfriend's anatomy.

Paige rolled off of Emily, onto her side, with a groan. "We've got to get to the pool."

Emily rolled on top of Paige, tight against her chest, her hands trapped between them. "Mmmm - kiss me first."

Paige smiled eagerly and craned her neck to kiss Emily. Emily had leverage and quickly dominated the kiss. Before long, she let her lips wander along Paige's cheek and down to her shoulder. Paige held Emily in place on top of her, her hands behind Emily's back. Her left hand headed north to her shoulders as her right hand roamed south. She gave Emily's cheek a pinch, and Emily squirmed in surprise, letting out a squeal of delight before she gave Paige a bite at the junction of her neck and shoulder. She arched backwards, tapping her hands against Paige's chest. "We'd better go!" she exclaimed, but, before she did, she slid her hands down a bit for a quick massage of Paige's chest. "To be continued," she promised.

"Not that one," Emily cautioned as Paige pulled out her Speedo. She tapped a spot on her own shoulder, and Paige laughed as she checked the corresponding spot on her shoulder, opting for a suit that provided more coverage instead. Emily had mastered the art of marking Paige so that, while Paige's regular Speedos wouldn't be enough to cover, Paige could still wear a conventional suit to train in the pool. It was a game that Paige didn't really mind playing. She liked having a private secret with Emily. And getting marked was more than half of the fun.

* * *

Emily never would have guessed that she would enjoy training in the pool with Paige. When the freshman coach first buddied them up together, it was a chore that Emily dreaded. She always swam for fun, even when it was repetitive, grueling training. "Was" – until Stanford. Until Paige. Paige was just too hardcore. She put everything under the microscope. They had to start on-time and swim their laps with only the prescribed break between each one. Paige dissected every stroke that Emily took in the pool, and, worse, she expected a similar level of scrutiny by Emily.

Things changed even before she and Paige got together. Emily just began laughing off Paige's obsessiveness and politely but firmly telling her when she needed to chill. Emily had gotten the reputation of being a pushover in high school, but, by necessity, she learned to stick up for herself with Paige. At first, Paige gave in purely out of shock that someone would dare stand up to her, but, gradually, she began to lighten up. She and Emily more than held their own against the other freshmen and the sophomores, and they could even give most of the upperclassmen a run for their money. Paige was able to relax as she came to realize that she could be still be serious about swimming even when she was enjoying herself. It reminded Paige of when she was a kid, and her father showed her how to load a disc into the blu ray player. He told her to line the disc up so that the label was oriented toward her, with the writing right-side-up. For years, she meticulously lined up the discs at the perfect angle whenever she loaded them into the player. Then, at a friend's sleepover, she watched in horror as the mom just casually dropped a disc into the tray. Paige held her breath, expecting the worst: The disc wouldn't play, or it would skip, or the whole thing would explode. When nothing happened, it felt surprisingly liberating to know that she didn't have to obsess over the way that she loaded discs into the player (even though she continued to load them the _right_ way). Swimming with Emily was similarly liberating. Not everything had to be perfect, but she could still train hard - not from fear of the consequences, but because she was enjoying the experience.

And, now that they were together, swimming was even more enjoyable, especially in the early mornings, when it was just the two of them. The blatant staring, flirting, touching; the teasing, in the water and out of it; the rub-downs that led to kissing that led to more rubbing that led to showers – either cold showers, to cool down, or quick showers, so they could hurry home and blow off a little steam.

* * *

When the two of them were back in the locker room, Emily eyes doubled in size as Paige pulled down the straps of her bathing suit. Paige gave her a puzzled look, not understanding why Emily was reacting as if she'd never seen her breasts before.

"Shit, Paige! Was the water a little cold for you?" Without thinking, Emily reached out to check how Paige's nipples felt beneath her palms.

Paige leaned her head back and moaned at the contact. "Just be careful," she said, subtly moving Emily's hands down and to the side. "They're a little sensitive right now."

"Right," Emily said dreamily. "We should probably get going before the caf closes, anyway." But her hands refused to move. Paige finally had to take a step backwards.

"Not in the locker room." _Not again.  
_

* * *

"So," Paige began, wiping her mouth with the hand that was holding the apple that she had just bitten, "Now that we're girlfriends and sleeping together, don't you think it's time you that started working out with me?"

Emily laughed. They had had this discussion before. Several times. Swimming was one thing. Emily could even handle running with Paige every so often. But she would never hit the weight room with her. Paige was way too intense. Emily had a moment of inspiration, suggesting, "You'd be better off with my friend, Spencer," and Paige looked down, sadly. It took Emily a second to figure out why Paige had taken her response so hard, but, once she realized, she put her arm around Paige's shoulder. "You'll win her over, Paige. You won _me_ over."

"So, what are you saying?" Paige scoffed. "Spencer and I are going to have to room together next year?"

"No way," Emily said as she possessively took hold of Paige's bicep with both of her hands. "You're all mine!" Paige brushed her shoulder against Emily's, forcing a smile. "But, really, Paige. She's going to like you, because I like you. So, she'll get to know you, just as I did, and, once she gets to know you…." Emily left the thought dangling.

Paige grabbed Emily's hand, still feeling and acting defeated. "Whatever you say," she said weakly.

Emily squeezed Paige's shoulder. She really wished that Paige could learn to forgive herself. She wished that her forgiveness could be enough for Paige; that she could forgive Paige enough to make Paige forgive herself. _Patience_ , she thought. Healing was a journey, and she was determined to stay by Paige's side through every agonizing step.


	22. Face Your Fears

Paige lay on her back in the "king-sized bed" that they had improvised by pushing their narrow dorm-room beds together. She had her arm underneath Emily's neck, and she was casually running three fingers down the length of Emily's naked thigh and back again. They hadn't made love; they were just lying in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Their semester was winding down, and they had little motivation to do much of anything. Emily had teasingly decided that it was too hot to be wearing clothes, so she stripped off the shorts and cami that she had slept in and was lying next to Paige in just her panties. Paige's fingers had started by traversing the distance between Emily's shoulders and elbows before she shifted their focus to the expanse between Emily's nipples and navel and, finally, down to smooth skin of her leg.

Paige's touch may have been casual, but the conversation was anything but.

For some time, Paige had been dreading the thought of having to fly home. Although she knew that it was an unwinnable argument, she was trying her best to convince Emily that driving would be a better idea.

Paige's main argument was the bed situation: If they drove, they would be able to sleep in one bed that was large enough for two people, not like the two single beds of their dorm that they had been pushing together every night for the past few weeks – and pushing apart in the mornings, in case the Resident Adviser dropped by. And, Paige noted, once they got home, they wouldn't even be sleeping in the same house, so why not put that off for a couple more weeks?

Emily rightfully pointed out that she couldn't put that much wear-and-tear on her car, which was hardly new to begin with, every year. And traveling in the heat of summer with a tricky radiator would be pretty risky. Even if they didn't get stranded, they would likely end up with a huge repair bill. And the round trip would cost them a full month of summer every year.

Emily heard Paige's chest heave deeply, so she rolled over onto her side, reaching under Paige's tank top to stroke her belly. "It won't be so bad, Paige." Paige scoffed and turned her head away. She hated it when people without phobias downplayed other people's fears. "We got through it before, didn't we?" Paige shrugged, not bothering to look back at Emily. Emily held Paige's hand. "I'll hold your hand, just like the other times, and, this time, if you put your head on my shoulder, people will just think that it's because you're my girlfriend."

"I suppose," Paige said, still not bothering to look over.

Emily kissed the back of Paige's neck, just under the hairline. Paige was trying to keep cool, but she couldn't help squirming at the ticklish lips against her skin. "You can take some Nyquil and sleep through it."

Paige looked over with a sarcastic smile. "Really, Fields? That's your strategy? You're going to dope me up before the flight?"

Emily shrugged. "That's what my Mom used to do for me, when I got carsick."

"Well, that explains a lot," Paige droned sarcastically.

"Hey!" Emily sat on top of Paige and started tickling her stomach, loving the way that Paige's abdomen contracted beneath her fingers. Paige was furiously swatting at Emily's fingers to get her to stop. Her hands inadvertently brushed Emily's breast, and she liked the feeling, so she turned her attention there, until Emily stopped tickling and started moaning. "Shit, McCullers!" Emily realized that she was rocking back and forth against Paige's groin. Paige moved her hands behind Emily's back and pulled her down on top of her. Emily reached under Paige's shirt and massaged Paige's breasts as their lips locked.

"What were we talking about?" Paige asked, breathless, when Emily finally rolled off of her.

"Flying back to PA." Emily was stroking the inside of Paige's thigh, breaching the border of her shorts. Paige could hear what she was saying, but she wasn't really focused on it.

"You had me at 'girlfriend,'" she admitted weakly.

* * *

Paige ended up taking Emily's Nyquil advice, and she was dead to the world by the time the plane took off. In a reversal of roles, Emily was the one who was sitting petrified on the plane. She had her own reasons to fear going home that summer. It would be her first time seeing Nick McCullers since they left for Stanford, and there had been significant changes to her relationship with his daughter in the interim. It wasn't just that Nick was going to meet his daughter's first girlfriend; he was going to me her first lover, the person who had taking his only daughter's virginity – and who happened to be a woman. On top of all that, Nick McCullers had always harbored strong opinions about Emily – strong _negative_ opinions about Emily – when she and Paige were rivals. It had taken Emily quite a while to break down one McCullers' defenses, to get Paige to like her. She wasn't looking forward to having to win over her second McCullers.

Oh, and Paige's father was their ride back to Rosewood from the airport.

And Paige had never told him that she and Emily were dating.

Emily had threatened many times to tell him herself, but Paige just laughed it off. So, Emily tagged Paige in as many pictures as possible, until Paige told her that her dad didn't even know what Instagram was, and he only checked facebook when he was tagged, and even so, Paige always had to e-mail him if she wanted him to see a picture. When Emily threatened to friend Nick, Paige went into convulsions of laughter, doubling over and gasping for air, begging her to do so. "I'd just love to see how he'd react! 'Paige?'" she said, in a crabby-old-man voice, " 'What the hell are your swimmer friends doing trying to get me to follow them on that facebook?' "

Emily wanted to scream. She had only been bluffing. She wouldn't actually tell Nick McCullers, because she felt that it was Paige's place to do that. But Paige insisted that she had to do it in person. She wanted to see the look on his face. She even tried to convince Emily to get one of her friends to meet them at the airport and film it.

Emily looked down at the innocent looking girl sleeping peacefully on her shoulder. _If I didn't love you, I'd hate you._ She smiled at that thought. There really _was_ a thin line between love and hate. If anything proved that old cliché, it was their first year at Stanford. Marry, kill, or bang. Not much difference separated those three options. Whether it was screams of passion or crimes of passion, passion was passion.

* * *

Paige was wide awake for the landing, gripping Emily's hand almost painfully tight and hiding her eyes from the window, even though the shade was down. Somehow, protecting Emily's girlfriend that way helped dissipate her own nervousness. She kissed the top of Paige's head - not so much to comfort her, but on reflex, as she contemplated how much better things were this time, comforting her girlfriend rather than showing human decency to the person who never showed anything but contempt to her.

They held hands, as they usually did when they were together, on the moving walkway through the terminal. When they hit the escalator, Paige abruptly let go, going so far as to wipe her hand against her jeans. Wiping the Emily off of herself, as it were. Emily just shook her head and laughed quietly. The gesture made her think of some sleazy old dude, taking off his wedding ring as he walked into the bar.

Paige scanned for her father's face as the escalator descended to baggage claim. Her eyes widened in excitement, and, when the ride came to an end, she ran with her arms extended for a loving embrace.

"Coach! What are you doing here?"

Coach Walker returned Paige's embrace enthusiastically. When they separated, Paige took a step back and took Emily by the elbow, drawing her closer. "Em, you've met my coach, right? Coach Walker?"

Coach Walker extended her hand to Emily. "Please call me Lisa." Looking to Paige, she added, "Both of you."

"Are you meeting someone here?"

"I'm meeting you girls. Nick's in the cell phone lot. As soon as you two get your bags, I'll go give him a call."

Paige looked at the monitor to see which carousel their luggage would come up on, and she and Emily headed in that direction. Emily had a knowing smile on her face. When Paige noticed it, she asked what was up, but Emily just shook her head.

"Look - I'm sorry about letting go of your hand before. I just panicked in the moment. I promise I'll tell my Dad. I'm not ashamed."

"I get it," Emily said, throwing her hands up in front of her, the knowing smile still plastered on her face. Paige looked at her quizzically, and Emily shook her head at Paige's cluelessness.

"What?"

"Nothing," Emily said coyly, pausing before she added, "Nice of Coach _Lisa_ to come with Nick, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, right? I mean, she and my Dad always worked well together. You know. They got pretty close because of my swimming," Paige explained with a shrug.

"Pretty... _close_ , huh?" Emily winked on the word "close," and Paige finally caught her implication. She grabbed Emily's shoulders sharply.

"Emily Isabella Fields!"

"That's not my middle name."

"You shut this down right now!"

"Okay!" Emily again raised her hands in surrender again. "If it makes you feel better to live in denial..."

"He's my... and she's my... and they're..."

Emily laughed out loud. "It looks as if we're not the only ones with a relationship surprise!"

"Ooh!" Realization set in, bringing resentment along with it. "If he thinks that he can just..."

"Easy, Paige. Think about how you would want your dad to react if... oh, I don't know, you ever sprang a surprise girlfriend on him!"

"Yeah, but, that's... You and I are... and he's... and Coach..."

Emily put her hands on either side of Paige's head, smoothing them over her hair, letting them come to rest on Paige's shoulder. She stared deeply, wordlessly, into Paige's eyes. Paige huffed. "I've got to be okay with this, don't I?" Emily nodded, creasing her lips sympathetically.

The ride home was eerily, awkwardly silent - between the McCullerses, at least. Emily and Lisa were engaged in a lively conversation, occasionally nudging their significant others, trying to engage them in the conversation. Paige and Nick were sitting petulantly on the sidelines, each waiting for the other to blink. Nick knew that Paige knew, and Paige knew that he knew, but each was waiting for the other to bring it up. Emily couldn't take it anymore.

"So, how long have you two been together?" she asked cordially.

Lisa looked over to Nick, how kept his eyes focused on the road. "Let's see, Nick, how long has it been?" Nick gave no acknowledgment whatsoever of the fact that he had been spoken to, so Lisa continued. "Well, we've been close for a couple of years - you know, from swimming." She stole a glance at Paige, who was resolutely looking into her lap. "But I didn't move in until October." The car swerved briefly into the next lane and Paige sat up ramrod straight before she caught herself and went back to being aloof. But the revelation had hit her like a ton of bricks: Her father had been secretly carrying on with her coach for a couple of years, and, practically no sooner had Paige moved out, her coach had moved in.

Emily wanted to give Paige some support, but she didn't know how Paige would react if she took her hand. First of all, Paige still hadn't told her father about the two of them; second, Paige's anger was more like a grenade than a laser: It didn't focus on one specific target but lashed out at everything in its path. Paige wasn't mad at Nick. She was mad in general. Emily didn't want to add fuel to that fire.

Emily reached for Paige's hand, using her sweater to cover the gesture. She knitted her brow and mouthed Paige's name as a question. Paige shook her head, as if she was fighting off tears, but she gave Emily's hand a squeeze and kept holding it.

"And what about the two of you?"

There was no swerving when Lisa voiced this question. Nick just looked in the rear view mirror for Paige's reaction, and she glared back at him, steely-eyed, not blinking until he had to turn his attention back to the road.

"Well, I can't say that we were close for a couple of years because of swimming..." Emily said in a deep, affable voice, hoping to use humor to take down the tension in the car a notch or two, but she and Lisa were the only ones who laughed.

Emily sighed audibly, realizing that they still had such a long way to go - both on their journey to Rosewood, and on their journey to acceptance and understanding of the other couple.


	23. Heart to Heart

**A/N - Three reviewers - including two of this story's top supporters - asked what Paige and Emily fought about, so I revised Chapter 21 to include that information. (If you're reading this and you already know how the fight started, then you've read the latest revision.) Thanks for reading!  
**

* * *

The long ride from the airport in Philadelphia was made to feel even longer by all of the tension in the car. Emily still had hold of Paige's hand in the back seat, under the cover of her sweater, until Paige abruptly jerked away. She only did it, it turned out, so that she could retrieve her phone from her back pocket. She typed the question, "Can I stay at your house tonight?" and turned the screen toward Emily, showing her the words rather than texting them to her. Emily nodded, then reached for her own phone to text her mom, to ensure that it was okay. When she showed Paige the reply, Paige looked at Nick's face in the rear-view mirror and blurted out the first words that she had spoken to him in several miles.

"Well, I'm staying over at Emily's tonight."

Nick McCullers sighed. Lisa looked at him sadly. Emily, picking up on the look, offered, "Unless you guys made plans?"

"It's fine," Nick said stubbornly. Emily shifted her eyes to Lisa.

"We had just hoped to have a nice dinner, you know. To celebrate Paige's first year of college."

Emily looked at Paige, begging with her eyes for her to give her father and his girlfriend a fair chance.

"Okay," Paige said flatly. "Dinner's fine." She twisted Emily's sweater between her hands. "But I'm staying at Emily's tonight."

"Emily, would you care to join us?"

Emily really felt that she should be there for her girlfriend, but she knew that Nick and Lisa wanted to talk with her, and that, if the ride home was any indication, the talk wouldn't happen if she were there. "Can I take a raincheck?" she asked, crinkling her nose to apologize to Paige. "I'm pretty sure that my Mom has something planned, too."

"Oh, of course, Sweetie. Of course she does. We'll catch up some other time."

"If Paige could just come and say hi to my Mom and drop some things off - and then I could give her a ride over to your place?" Paige was grateful that Emily had bought her some time to talk things through with Emily before she had to face dinner with Nick and Lisa.

* * *

Paige had collected herself by the time she greeted Pam, and she even engaged in pleasant small-talk until Emily, explaining that Paige had to get back to meet her dad, plucked her away. Up in Emily's bedroom, Emily violated the "open-door" policy. She was an adult, she reasoned, but, more than that, she wasn't there o try anything with Paige. They just needed some privacy to work through what Paige was feeling.

Paige paced all over the room, throwing her hands up in the air and letting them fall weakly back down as. She spoke. Her words were all over the place, too - thrown into the air and allowed to fall. _How could her father do that to her? How could her coach do that to her? They didn't even wait for her bed to get cold before Coach moved in. They didn't have the guts to do it except behind Paige's back._

Emily let her expel some of her venom before she pulled her by the hand and sat with her in the window seat. Paige leaned back into Emily's arms, and Emily soothingly stroked her hair, knitting it into loose braids and combing them out with her fingers a couple of times. Emily wasn't offering any advice or hopeful promises. She just was just letting Paige say what she needed to say.

Paige felt betrayed and lied to. She felt hurt and untrusted. Emily nodded, validating what Paige was expressing. When Paige asked whether or not she was overreacting, Emily told her that the best thing that she could do was give voice to her feelings, rather than attempting to bury or validate them. She told Paige that she would always be there to listen, and Paige knew that it wasn't an exaggeration. She heaved out a huge sigh and went limp. "I guess this explains why my Dad's attitude changed so radically after I started Stanford. I thought that he was proud of me; that he finally trusted me. It turns out he was just... _distracted_."

Emily waited, choosing her words carefully. "Do you think that, maybe, he did trust you? He fought so hard - pushed you so hard to get you to where you were, that he thought that he could let go and, maybe, I don't know, look after himself after a while?" Paige didn't reply. "Not that I'm making excuses..."

Paige took Emily's hand. "No. I get what you're saying. And it helps, really." Paige wiped her eyes on her shoulder. She laughed weakly. "Just don't tell me my Dad's got _needs_ , because there's no way I'm ready for that!" Paige was trying her best to laugh rather than cry. Emily hugged her tighter.

Lisa canceled the dinner reservations and quickly went to work putting dinner together. She really had wanted to celebrate with her former student - and her boyfriend's daughter - but, from the way that things went on the trip back from the airport, she could tell that there would be no celebrating that night. She could busy herself in the kitchen and give Paige and Nick space to talk.

Paige was more than happy to stay home for dinner, fearing the public fireworks that were likely to go off, were they to have gone out. She sat, stiff, in a high-backed chair in the living room, waiting for Nick to fire the first salvo.

"You know, Paige, I wasn't planning this - _we_ weren't. It just sort of evolved over the course of the years."

So, that was it: No small talk, no questions or compliments about her school year. They were diving right in.

"And, as things started to develop between us, we thought that discretion was in order, because we didn't want to be a distraction to you."

"Oh, I get it. So, this was all for _my_ benefit? And moving her in as soon as I moved out, that was protecting me?"

Nick raised a finger at Paige's defiant tone, but, before he called her on it, he took a breath and waved it off. He had to learn that Paige was becoming an adult, and that he had to relate to her differently. And he acknowledged that she had a right to feel what she felt.

"Paige, consider our perspective. This is a small town, and everybody talks. Lisa and I just wanted some time to figure out who and what we are - some time actually to _become_ who we are - before we let everyone else in. I'm sure that's why I never heard about you and..."

"No!" Paige had never talked to her father this way. "Don't you dare try to make this about Emily and me. If I didn't tell you about Emily because of the way you tried to control every aspect of my life..."

Nick nodded his head and acknowledged what Paige was saying. "Okay. That's fair. I can understand that, and, believe me, I wasn't blaming you, or trying to justify myself. I was only trying to put my behavior in a context that you could relate to."

Paige nodded her head. She could see that her coach had had an effect on her father. As hard as it was for her to believe - or to concede - he was trying to be reasonable. She decided to meet him halfway.

"Listen, Paige." Nick leaned in, intertwining his fingers as his elbows rested on his thighs. "There are a lot of things that I should have done differently, going back a long time before Lisa and I got together. But we're where we are, now - the three of us - and we have to decide how we're going to go forward from right here."

Paige could hear Coach Walker's voice in that speech. It was the kind of thing that she used to say after an issue on the team - an academic suspension or an injury, or when they fell behind in a critical meet. She was surprised to find comfort in that; the fact that her father was opening up to someone and being shaped by her. That thought made her miss Emily.

"And, don't you think," Nick said in summary, "that we all deserve a shot at being happy?"

* * *

They made it through dinner, with things growing less and less awkward as they let their guards down. The hardest part for Paige was learning to see Lisa not as her coach but as her father's girlfriend. The reality was that Lisa would always fall somewhere in between those two roles, and Paige was learning how to navigate that reality.

Emily sat on the couch clutching her keys and her phone, staring at its screen instead of the TV, as if afraid that, if she got distracted and looked away, she would miss the call or text from Paige asking her to come and get her. Pam had given up trying to share the movie with her clearly distracted daughter. "You know, she's a big girl, Emmy. You don't have to protect her."

"I know!" Emily whined. "I'm just worried, okay?" Emily's mind flashed to the times when Paige had protected her. Paige could be a pit bull or a puppy. Either way, Emily wanted her by her side. Or in her arms.

"Of course you are." Pam pulled Emily in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. Emily tapped out of the hug when she heard a car pull up. Pam shook her head and stood, smoothing out her sweatpants before she caught up with Emily, who had run out to the porch.

Emily was craning her neck to see inside Nick's car as Paige leaned across the front seat and gave her coach a hug good-bye. Emily looked down at her hands - one thumbnail busily pushing against a cuticle on the other - as she waited for Paige to make it onto the porch. Paige skipped up the steps and greeted Emily with a smile and a kiss. Emily grabbed her with both hands around her bicep and dragged her into the house, as if she were seeing Paige for the first time since her release from death row, hurrying to get her inside to safety before the governor changed his mind.

Pam gave them some space.

Emily gave Paige a giant hug, not letting her get past the mat on the inside of the front door. Paige sighed contentedly. "Mmmm... I missed you." she was smiling, and her tone was light.

"Are you okay?" Emily was still holding her tight, and she spoke the words into Paige's ear.

Paige pushed Emily back, holding her by the shoulders. She wanted Emily to be able to see the expression on her face, to put her fears to rest. "I'm fine, Em. We had a good talk. Dinner was actually... nice."

"Oh." Emily looked down ruefully. She wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged her shoulders. "You didn't have to come back here tonight, then." She didn't want to come between Paige and her family.

Paige tilted her head, trying to catch Emily's eye. "I'm sorry, Emily; did I do something wrong?"

Emily shook her head without raising it. "You could've stayed with your dad, that's all."

"But I wanted to stay with you. I know that I only said it at first because I was mad at my Dad and Coa - my Dad and _Lisa_ , but I was still looking forward to spending the night here." Paige rubbed Emily's arm. "If it's still okay?"

Emily rolled her eyes, smiling for the first time, but ever so slightly. "Of course it's okay." She hugged Paige again. "I'm glad that you had a good dinner."

"She was worried sick about you," Pam volunteered, unnecessarily loud, on her way up the stairs. Emily shot her a glare, and Pam put her hands up in surrender. "Now, remember: Paige stays in the guest room all night, and you stay in your room all night, Emmy. My name is Pam Fields, not Leland Stanford, and this is Rosewood, not Palo Alto!"

Emily mockingly mouthed the words as Pam spoke them, as if she had heard them more than once before. "I wasn't ' _worried sick_!'" she protested to Paige, once Pam was behind her bedroom door.

"I know!" Paige said with a kiss, even though Emily's demeanor had told the opposite story. There was no denying that it felt good to have someone so concerned for her.

"Come on," Emily insisted, with both of her hands tugging Paige's hand toward the couch as she smiled coyly. "We don't have to go to bed just yet."

Paige saw the devilish look in Emily's eye. "Emily Fields," she chimed, affecting a southern accent, "whatever do you have in mind?"

"The exact same thing that _you_ have in mind, Paige McCullers."

Summer was going to be different. They would still see each other, but not nearly as much as they were used to. Emily wanted to make the most of every opportunity.


	24. When Worlds Collide

"It's so romantic," Hanna gushed, looking at Emily in the passenger seat. "It's like Beauty and the Beast. You tamed her, Emily!"

"Hanna!" Emily was whispering, as if Paige were in the back seat with Spencer and Aria. "You can't say stuff like that when you meet her!"

"Why not?" Hanna asked with all the innocence of a child. "It's romantic! You tamed her!"

"Just imagine how you'd feel - " Hanna put her hand over her heart and smiled dreamily. "- or how Caleb would feel if I said that about him."

"Fine," Hanna said, deflated. "I won't say anything. And, why isn't Caleb here, by the way? How come Paige can come, since she's a girl, but we can't bring our guys?"

"I'm sure that we'll all get together soon. I just wanted her to meet the girls, first. You know, it's less threatening."

Emily heard Spencer in the back seat, muttering something about threatening. She glared at her sharply through the mirror in the visor. "Spencer. You promised that you'd be nice," she pleaded.

"I'll be nice!" Spencer insisted, her voice going high. "As long as she's nice, she muttered under her breath. Aria gave her a warning look, and Spencer threw her hands up in surrender.

"Well, I'm looking forward to meeting her, Emily. I'm sure she'll be _nice_." Aria said it to Emily, but she was still staring at Spencer as she punched out the last word.

"What?" Spencer mouthed to Aria, hoping Emily didn't see.

When they got to the restaurant, they saw Paige outside, sitting on a bench in white capris and a vest, holding a single tulip between her legs with one hand and holding her chin up with the other. She got up, smoothed her slacks and combed a hand through her hair when she saw Hanna pull the car into a parking space.

Emily trotted up to her and accepted the flower and a kiss.

Hanna jumped out of the car to meet Paige. She angled her arms out at her sides, the left going north and the right going south, as if connecting the diagonals on a giant tic-tac-toe board. "Paige!" Her voice was soft and melodic, and she stretched the name into two syllables. "How 'bout a hug from the girl who's banging my bestie?"

Paige smiled tentatively at her, glancing back to Emily as if to ask whether or not it was safe. Emily shrugged, and Paige approached meekly. Hanna engulfed her in her arms, swinging her back and forth. "It's okay." Her voice came out soothing, as if she were comforting a frightened child - which, in a very real sense, she was. "I don't bite, I promise - but I hear _you_ do!"

Paige gasped, pulling away from Hanna as her face turned fifty shades of red. Hanna, with her hands on Paige's shoulders, squealed, "I was right?" She looked over to Emily, who was vigorously shaking her head and mouthing the word, "No." Unperturbed, Hanna squealed, "I _knew_ you would be a biter, Paige!"

Aria tapped Paige out, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as Paige turned around. "It's good to meet you, Paige," she said with a hug. Paige felt that she had found safe harbor, between an effusive Hanna and a mute Spencer.

"And you know Spencer," Emily droned anticlimactically. Spencer nodded in Paige's direction. Paige nodded back. Emily quickly grabbed Paige's hand, hoping to calm her and defuse the situation.

* * *

When they were seated, Paige kept feeling Spencer's eyes on her. She wasn't staring, just monitoring periodically, as if she were hoping to catch Paige being secretly devious, or to intervene before Paige had a chance to strike.

Paige tired of the game quickly. "If you've got something to say," she said coolly, "just say it." Emily rubbed her thigh under the table and Paige squeezed her hand, letting her know that she wasn't about to lose control.

"Okay, I will."

"Spencer," Aria warned.

"No," Spencer persisted, "I do have something to say." Turning back to face Paige she said, "I know that you mean a lot to Emily, so I'm going to be nice. But that doesn't mean that I trust you. I don't. I've known you too long." She stared at Paige, ready for the counterpunch.

Paige shrugged. "That's fair. And Emily means a lot to me, too, so I hope that I can win your trust someday, Spencer." She smiled and nodded at Spencer and then turned her attention to Emily, asking her what looked good on the menu.

Spencer let her shoulders relax and grabbed her menu. This wasn't the confrontation that she had prepared for. She would go to her neutral corner, for now, being nice as she had promised. But she didn't think for a second that Paige was going to win her over. There was too much water under that bridge.

But lunch was pleasant enough, with only the slightest bit of awkwardness. Hanna saw to that, plunging right in with the questions that Aria was too polite to bring up. Spencer was otherwise occupied, trying to figure out what Paige's game was, and what weaknesses she would be able to exploit in this "new" Paige.

Paige fielded Hanna's questions good-naturedly: First feelings for Emily (high school); first kiss (she and Emily looked at each other and answered, "mind-blowing," in unison); first date (formal, fancy); first time (Paige sighed, leaning her head back and smiling at the memory: "Perfect.")

For some reason, seeing fearsome Paige all dreamy-eyed like that struck Aria as funny. It was like seeing a lioness stalk a gazelle only to swoop her in her arms and waltz away with her. Aria laughed out loud, looking to Hanna and Emily, who joined in and laughed with her, and Spencer, who did not. "Oh, come on, Spence," she urged, elbowing her in the arm. "Admit it! It's cute!"

"Yeah. Cute," Spencer droned, through gritted teeth.

* * *

Paige pulled her car next to Hanna's in the parking lot and popped the trunk. Hanna did the same, and Paige transferred Emily's luggage into her trunk. She gave hugs to two out of Emily's three best friends and, with a squeeze of Emily's hand, asked, "Ready?"

"Ready," Emily confirmed, climbing into the car with a thank-you as Paige closed the door behind her.

Emily waved good-bye to her friends as Paige pulled out of the parking lot. Once they were on the road, Paige looked over and joked, "So, how did I do?"

"Fine," Emily said, playing along. Emily followed her answer with a giggle, and Paige looked over to ask why. "Okay, don't get upset, but Hanna thinks that you and I are like Beauty and the Beast."

Paige laughed. "They used to call me 'Beast Mode' in field hockey," she admitted.

"They called you a few other things, too, according to Spencer."

Paige smiled at Emily, taking it in stride. Shrugging her shoulders, she responded, "I guess I earned it."

"You're passionate," Emily said, squeezing Paige's hand. "There's nothing wrong with that." When Paige wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at the word "passionate," Emily rolled her eyes. "Oh, whatever, _Beast Mode_!'"

"I did notice Hanna staring at us as if she were watching some cheesy end-of-summer movie on Disney Channel. I was about to launch into, 'You Are the Music in Me,' but I guess it should've been, 'Once Upon a Dream.'"

Emily laughed. "That's actually Sleeping Beauty."

"Oh. Well, I guess Sleeping Beauty applies." Paige looked over with a shrug. "You're cute when you sleep."

"And you're cheesy when you're awake." Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder.

"So, what's the song from Beauty and the Beast?"

"Uh… seriously?" Paige shrugged. "'Beauty and the Beast.'"

"Yeah, I honestly don't know. What is it?"

"That's it! That's the song! 'Beauty and the Beast.' The song is called, 'Beauty and the Beast.'" Emily started reciting, but it turned more and more into singing as she went along. 'Tale as old as time, Dah dah dah dah dah… Barely even friends, till… _they make amends?_ \- Beauty and the Beast!'"

"Oh, yeah. Right!" Paige thought it over. "Huh. I never thought of it like that, but I guess it applies. I guess that means we're kind of a cliché, huh?"

"Yeah, well, some might say that Beauty and the Beast was a romantic example of true love in its purest form, but, whatever. I guess 'cliché' works, too."

"Oh, you know what I mean." Paige rubbed Emily's thigh. Emily grabbed her hand before she could put it back on the steering wheel and kept it in her lap. "Besides, you like it when I'm in beast-mode." Paige shot Emily a wink. Emily sighed dreamily, and it only encouraged Paige. "So, actually, the story's reversed, in our case. I was just a sweet, innocent princess, and _you_ turned me into a beast."

Emily squeezed Paige's hand a little too hard. "If you weren't driving right now, I would _so_ make you pay for that remark!"

Paige chuckled and glanced over. "That can be arranged!"

* * *

As Paige pulled into her driveway, Emily asked, "So, how are things going with Nick and Coach _Lisa_?"

Paige pulled the parking brake and shook her head. "Great!" "Peachy!" "Hunky dory!' "They're in _love!_ " She threw up jazz hands and let them fall to her lap with a clap between each of those responses.

"Okay, I guess what I meant was, how are things with _you_ and them?"

Paige looked out of the window and shrugged, fiddling with her keys in her lap.

Emily squeezed Paige's arm in support, and Paige rested her head on Emily's shoulder. When she did, Emily wrapped her arms around her and held her.

"I'm glad that you're here with me."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

After a bit, Paige sighed deeply and lifted her head, replacing it with a kiss to Emily's shoulder. "Let's do this," she said, making a fist to psych herself up, the way she did before an important meet.

Emily kissed her cheek tenderly, for luck.

Nick McCullers opened the door and greeted his daughter with a hug that she uncomfortably tumbled into. This was only her second most-awkward hug of the day. Hanna's was the most awkward. Nick's would have been the third-most, had Spencer been brave or foolish enough to go for a hug.

It was obvious that hugging her dad was something of a new experience for Paige. She smiled at Emily, with her eyes saying, "Help me!" as Nick, still holding onto her, extended a hand to pull Emily in.

"Hi, Mr... Nick," Emily said, awkwardly scrunched against Nick's chest and Paige until Lisa stepped in to rescue them. She gave them each a quick hug and elbowed Nick, to cue him to take the girls' bags. "It's okay. We've got them," Paige assured her. She handed a bag to Emily and grabbed the rest, leading a retreat to the safety of her bedroom.

"So. Nick McCullers is a hugger!" Emily smiled enthusiastically as the humor of it all. "Never would've guessed that!"

"Neither would I!"

"Coach _Lisa_ ," Emily said, inching up to Paige on the bed and straddling her hips as they sat face to face, "must be having a positive influence on him." Emily put her arms around Paige's neck and gave her the kiss that she'd been waiting to give her all day.

"You really love saying her name, don't you?" Paige's voice was low and husky, and it just made Emily want to kiss her more deeply. "And we need to cool it," Paige cautioned, "or we'll find out just how little my Dad actually _has_ changed." Paige said the words, but she didn't stop running her hands up and down Emily's sides. Emily moaned when Paige's lips strayed farther down to her neck and her hand strayed farther down to her shorts. The moan jolted Paige back to reality. Emily giggled, leaning forward to push Paige down on her back against the bed.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure Coach _Lisa_ will be making noises of her own when we're trying to sleep tonight."

"Ew!" Paige smacked Emily on the shoulder and bucked her hips, pushing Emily off of her. "Ew, Em! How could you even say that? How could you even _think_ that?"

Paige intertwined her fingers with Emily's and wrestled for dominance. She looked down on Emily who was smiling sultrily as she lay against the bed. Emily shifted a bit so that she could reach behind her head and free her hair that was trapped between her back and the mattress. Once it was out of the way, she interlaced their fingers again, accepting Paige's dominant position. None of the movements that Emily made was lost on Paige: the flexing of her shoulder, the smooth, tan skin beneath it, those long, raven locks, and the smile, still on Emily's face, that was issuing a challenge. She squeezed Emily's fingers tight and moved in for the kill. Emily's eyes closed and her lips parted.

"Paige!" Nick's gruff voice came up from the first floor. "Did you get Emily settled into her room yet?"

Paige sank down on top of Emily, burying her face beside Emily's neck with a frustrated laugh. Emily rubbed her back in consolation.

"Come on down," Nick continued. "Let's talk about tomorrow."

With a heavy sigh, Paige rolled off of Emily and onto her feet. "Can we just be back on campus already?"

Emily stood up and gave Paige a chaste kiss. "I know, right?" her hands were low around Paige's waist, and she let them wander into Paige's pockets. "I miss you so much." She pressed her forehead against Paige's and pulled their bodies closer together.

Paige gave her a deep kiss, followed by a deep sigh. She took Emily's hand and headed into the hall. "Let's get you settled," she said sarcastically, "so we can go talk about tomorrow."

They were headed back to Paige's hometown, off to a time-share cabin where she and Nick spent a week every summer. Paige would have loved to take Emily there for a week - just the two of them. She could even have handled going with only her father and Lisa, to get to know them as a couple. But the prospect of all four of them going struck her as less than ideal. As much as she wanted and needed Emily's support for the week, she wasn't too optimistic about how things would go. She would want alone time with Emily, but Nick would want her to spend time getting to know Lisa as his girlfriend, and him as Lisa's boyfriend. She understood that, but the prospect of doing that while Emily was with them still irked her.

At least she had been able to convince her father to let her drive up in her own car with Emily. They would have five hours to themselves, and, even though there wasn't much that they would be able to do confined in the car and with one of them driving, they could talk freely, and Paige would be able to hear Emily's enchanting laugh. And they could touch without the fear that their every contact was being scrutinized - something that would definitely not be the case at her father's house or in the cabin.


	25. Cabin Fever

**A/N - Keep that tissue box handy... :(**

* * *

Paige pulled some bowls of leftovers out of the refrigerator and arranged them on a paper plate, making sure that none of one type food touched any of others. She lined the plate up correctly in the microwave: meat on the top, starch and veggies at the sides. She glanced at the time, then looked up at the ceiling for a second before she punched "1:54" into the timer. Emily giggled.

"It must be nice to have a girlfriend who brings you so much joy," Paige droned.

Emily giggled again. "I'm sorry, but 1:54?"

Paige pointed at the clock, as if that was all the explanation that she needed to give. When Emily shook her head in confusion, Paige explained, "That way, when the microwave stops, the clock will be on a multiple of three."

"You did the math?"

"You'd be surprised what the brain becomes good at through constant repetition!"

Emily patted Paige's shoulder condescendingly. "Oh, I'm going to have fun getting to know all of your quirks over the years, aren't I?"

Paige wiggled her eyebrows and let out a giggle. "God, I hope so!" She slapped at the power button on the microwave at the one-second mark.

Emily couldn't help laughing at the determination with which Paige had stopped the microwave. "Doesn't that defeat your multiple-of-three tactic?"

"Hey," Paige said with a broad smile, "don't question the system!"

Emily shook her head, brushing past Paige to put her plate, piled on with food in unorganized blobs, into the microwave. "Is it going to bother you if I don't get the timing just right?"

Paige covered her eyes and turned around, playing it up. "Not as long as I don't actually have to see it!" There were two beeps, and the machine buzzed to life. "Agh! I know you just hit the 'Add Minute' button twice, Emily!"

Emily playfully smacked Paige's shoulder, and Paige turned around. "Do you know the difference between you and me?"

Emily could think of several, but she played along. She wrapped her arms around Paige's waist, with her hand flat against Paige's buns, and shook her head to get the hair away from her face. "What's the difference between you and me?"

"If you say, 'I'm getting up at 6:30, 7AM,' you mean that you're getting up between 6:30 and 7AM. But, if I say, 'I'm getting up at 6:37 AM, I mean I'm getting up 37 minutes after 6:00 in the morning."

Emily rolled her eyes and pressed her hands against Paige's butt to pull her in for a kiss. "Yeah," she said sarcastically, " _that's_ the difference."

The kiss was getting deeper when Paige jerked suddenly and smacked the microwave. "Yes!" she exclaimed, and Emily turned around to look. "I stopped it on zero before the buzzer went off. Do you know how hard that is?"

Emily laughed, hugging Paige behind the neck. "And, there we see the reflexes that got us the Pac 12 championship!"

* * *

Paige and Emily took their reheated dinners to the sofa in the cabin's large, common room and sat down. Paige sat cross-legged, and Emily sat with her legs on the floor. Both had their plates in their laps. The room was spacious and circular, with hardwood floors and a brick fireplace, which Paige never remembered seeing in use, since they only came up in the summers.

"This is unusual for me, leftovers," Paige remarked, pointing at her plate with her fork as she chewed. Emily quirked an eyebrow to prompt Paige to clarify. "We always ate out when I was a kid."

"Wow – lucky you!" Emily playfully punched Paige's shoulder. "I would have loved to eat at a restaurant every night."

"Yeah, you would think." Paige shrugged. "It's not so much fun, though, for a kid, when you have to sit like a statue and be on your best behavior for a whole meal." Emily crinkled her nose, sympathetically. Still, the experience didn't sound too horrible to her. "But, you know. We knew all the servers at all the local restaurants. It was kind of like having this big family, if that makes sense. I mean, it can get kind of hard when it's just you and your dad, you know?"

Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder, angling her plastic fork so that it wouldn't jab Paige while she did so. Emily knew. It was just the two of them, her and Pam, for much of her childhood, but, at least, she was able to stay in contact with her father.

Emily tilted her head down, focusing on her plate as she moved the food around with her fork. "You've never really talked about your mom, Paige." She added quickly, raising her fork again as she squeezed Paige's shoulder, "Not that we have to, you know. Just… If you ever wanted to."

Paige sighed and put her feet on the floor and her plate on the coffee table. She crossed her arms over her waist and sank back against the couch's cushions.

"I mean, seriously, Paige, we don't have to."

Paige shrugged. "I don't really remember that much about my mother. I was barely three when she passed away." Emily put down her plate and lay back, as Paige had, pulling Paige's head onto her lap. She placed one hand on Paige's hip and the other on top of her own thigh as Paige continued. "Cancer," Paige said, in reply to the unasked question, tilting her head up towards Emily, even though Emily wasn't in her line of sight. "I only have scattered memories about her, plus the memories from the pictures and videos. A few from my Dad, but not so much."

"I'm so sorry for you, Paige."

"As I said, I really don't remember." Paige sounded numb. "It was harder on my Dad."

Paige was silent for a few moments, so Emily didn't push it. She was thinking of how she could change the subject when she heard Paige's voice again.

"One night, I got up for something – bad dream, a glass of water, I don't remember. And when I got to my Dad's office, I heard him crying. You may have noticed," Paige said with a slight chuckle, "my Dad doesn't show much emotion. Especially not in the days before _Lisa_." There wasn't any bitterness in the way that she said her coach's name. It just sounded as if she were still trying to get used to it. "And, it just – I don't know. It didn't seem right, you know? For your dad to be crying?" Paige sighed, struggling not to cry herself. "I turned right around and went back to my room. I never let him know that I saw him. But I made up my mind: I was never going to make him cry like that again. I was going to be perfect – shoes tied: perfect; books put back in their shelves: perfect; bedtimes: perfect." Paige chopped the air with her hand each time she said "perfect."

"Oh, Paige!" Emily knew enough about children to realize that Paige, unable to reconcile the fact that her father was crying, had convinced herself that she was to blame – and that she probably even blamed herself, on some level, for her mother's death. "Did you get counseling?"

"Didn't need it!" Paige sniffled. "I was the perfect daughter!"

"You never talked to your dad about that night?"

Paige shook her head. She sat up on the couch, so that she could see Emily's eyes. "You have to understand, Em. It's a terrible thing, when you're that age, to see your father crying."

Emily could've debated that point, but she knew where Paige was coming from. "Hey." She pulled Paige in tight for a hug. "It's not your fault."

"I know." Paige's voice broke. "And, I guess I'm just learning now that it wasn't my Dad's fault either. All of that time I spent trying to make him proud, I was really trying to protect myself from having to see him broken like that again. And, looking back, I think my father really was proud, all those years. I was the one who wasn't satisfied. I kept thinking that I had to do more and more, to protect my Dad; to keep him from that bad place."

Emily took Paige's face in her hands and looked deep into her eyes. "That's a terrible burden for a child to have to carry." Emily felt Paige try to look away, so she moved her head to stay with her. "But you're not alone, Paige, okay? You're one of the strongest people I know, but you don't have to carry this shit all by yourself."

And, with those words, a light bulb went on in Paige's head. All through the years, she realized, when she was trying to be strong for Nick, he was trying to be strong for her. They were both suppressing their pain, their fear, their weakness, in an attempt to protect the other. When Emily told Paige that she wasn't alone, she realized just how alone they both had been, and why it was that he needed someone like Lisa in his life. That feeling of liberation that Paige had felt when she got into Stanford, and no longer had to worry about meeting everyone else's expectations, was exactly what Nick was feeling. He had gotten his daughter to the point where she could stand on her own, and he was free to think about himself – for perhaps the first time since his wife died.

Paige repositioned herself on the couch, so that she could lay her head in Emily's lap again. This time, it wasn't because she was sad. It just felt good to rest in Emily's lap. Paige put her hands together atop Emily's leggings and rested her head on her hands.

"It's funny how much things can change in a year." Emily was nervously running her fingers through Paige's hair. She was nervous because she had something to tell Paige. It was something that she had told her before, more than once, but she had never felt it as deeply as she did right at that moment. She was glad that Paige was facing away from her.

Emily's fingers felt good, running through Paige's hair, and she vocalized her pleasure in short, soft moans that coincided with the movement of Emily's fingers.

"When I told my friends that we were going to drive out to Stanford together, they told me that I would end up killing you, banging you, or marrying you." Paige chuckled, and Emily did, too, still nervous. "There were times when I felt like doing all three," she said lightly.

Paige caught Emily's hand and pressed it against her cheek. Emily swapped the position of their hands, picking up Paige's hand and bringing it to her lips, where she kissed her palm before she put her hand back on Paige's cheek. "You once told me how good it felt every time I touched your cheek."

Paige could sense the tension in Emily's touch and in her voice, and it made her tense, too. Taking Emily's hand in both of hers, pressing it against her heart, she turned on her back, looking up at Emily from her lap, a bit fearful. "Emily?"

Emily looked off to the side. "I… just… need to tell you, Paige," she said to the sofa cushions. She had started, so there was no chickening out.

Paige moved her head, trying to catch Emily's eyes, so Emily lowered her gaze, focusing on their hands. She squeezed Paige's hand, and it felt how she imagined Paige must have felt, clinging to her hands whenever they flew together.

Paige was still staring up at Emily, desperate for her to continue, her forehead furrowed in concern.

"I love you, Paige," Emily blurted out. "And, I know that I've said that before, but I've never felt it as deeply as I feel it right now. It's as if you're a part of me, now, and I can't… I don't know what I would do if…"

Paige reached up for Emily's chin and turned her head to face her. She leaned up, putting her hand behind Emily's back, and kissed her, pulling her in tight. As they kissed, it didn't matter that their dinner was getting cold, or that her dad and Lisa could walk in on them at any moment. That moment – what they were saying to each other with their lips and their tongues intertwined – was all that mattered. It was crucial, necessary, and appropriate to who they were; to what they were becoming – together.

"If you're trying to seduce me," Paige whispered against Emily's ear, "it's working."

Emily smacked Paige on the shoulder. "I'm _serious_!" she protested, half whining.

"I know." Paige's voice was still a whisper. "I know, because I feel it, too. It's been building in me since longer than you would believe. Longer than I could admit to myself. And I know the kind of love you're talking about. The kind of love that's bigger than you and me – and bigger than us. The kind of love that's too big for the word, 'Love,' itself. The kind of love that puts everything we've ever heard or read about love, and everything we think we know about love to shame. The kind of love that…"

Paige was cut off by Emily's lips, desperate against her own. Emily shifted so that she was on top of Paige, attacking her neck and chest with her lips as her fingers dug into Paige's back and sides.

Paige put her arms around Emily's back and thighs and forced herself into a sitting position. She took a moment to regroup before she stood up, and Emily instinctively wrapped her legs around her waist. As Paige started to walk, Emily pulled away from her lips. "Paige, what are you doing?"

"Not here," Paige explained.

"Paige… We can't! Not in the cabin! Not with Nick and Lisa…"

Paige leaned her head back and gave Emily a look of purpose. They could. They would. They did. Their love was unstoppable.


	26. On the Waterfront

Paige stumbled sleepily down the hall, not bothering to brush the hair out of her eyes. She had thrown on an oversized Carli Lloyd jersey when she woke up, along with some pajama bottoms that she added because she had a pretty good idea who was going to be in the kitchen.

"Morning, Dad."

Nick, who had gotten up to grab the coffee pot when he heard steps down the hall, poured a cup for Paige and told her to take a seat. She knew that it wasn't just a polite request. She sat down and blew on her coffee, more as a means of keeping her eyes averted from her father's than of getting the drink to a manageable temperature.

Nick took a sip of his coffee. "So, how did you sleep last night?"

"Okay." Paige knew that there was more behind the question.

"You know, Paige, I can't control what you and Emily do at college." Nick's voice was even, and his tone neutral. "And that's fine. You're not a kid."

Paige kept blowing at her coffee. She wasn't sure what to say. _Thank you?_

"But you know that Pam agreed to let her come up here on the understanding that you would be sleeping in separate bedrooms."

"I know, Dad." Paige took her hands from the side of her cup and laid them in her lap, allowing her shoulders to slump in surrender. "It was..."

"Understandable," Nick interrupted. "Look, all I'm saying is, Lisa and I are exercising some discretion, in view of the circumstances, and I'd appreciate it if you and Emily did, too."

* * *

"And he just left?" Paige nodded. Emily held a pillow up to her face to muffle her laughter. "Just walked away?" She unbent her arm and stretched it out to the side, gesturing to indicate Nick's exit. "Just tossed the grenade and ran?"

"I'm glad that you find this so amusing."

"I don't." Emily giggled. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I don't. It's just..." She tilted her head and rubbed Paige's shoulder. "Oh, come on, Paige! It's funny!"

"Yeah. Meanwhile, if it were Wayne and Pam we were talking about..."

Emily cringed, for a moment, at the thought. Then, she tumbled her body into Paige's, laughing again. "But it's not!"

"God - somebody woke up on the silly side of the bed this morning!"

"What? I'm in a good mood! Aren't you?"

"I _was_ , until I got the TED talk on discretion!" Paige was sulking, even though Emily's giddiness was rubbing off on her.

"Oh, come here," Emily pleaded, over the top in her condescension. As she gathered Paige into her arms, she assured her, "Nick's probably forgotten the whole thing." She tried her best to suppress a giggle as she added, "and lunch won't be awkward at all!" She put her hands up to defend herself, protesting, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" as Paige began tickling her relentlessly. "Paige! Paige! This is not what your father meant by showing a little discretion!"

Paige collapsed into Emily's chest again. "God, I missed you this summer."

Emily ran her fingers over Paige's hair. "I know, right?" She poked Paige on the shoulder, and when Paige look up, she met her with a kiss. "It sucks being apart."

* * *

A couple of hours later, their positions were reversed, with Emily reclining in Paige's lap after they changed and moved to the large wooden deck chairs overlooking the lake.

Nick and Lisa had made it out to the deck a few minutes later, choosing to sit around the table, using its umbrella to shield them from the sun.

Paige was learning to be herself with Emily when Nick and Lisa were nearby. Before long, she had pretty much forgotten that they were there. Nick and Lisa were neither rebuking them nor fawning over them. They were just enjoying the view and the weather, the same as Paige and Emily.

"I like your hair long like this," Paige said, as she stroked it slowly.

Emily opened one eye and peered up at Paige. "I do, too," she said. "It's just such a pain to keep it long when I'm swimming, you know?"

"I know." Stretching a strand out, Paige remarked, "It grows fast."

Emily vocalized a reply. Paige's rhythmic strokes were relaxing, and she was starting to drift. She jolted, making Lisa laugh, when a phone buzzed. "Mine or yours?" Emily asked, checking her phone to see that it was hers. She stretched it out in her arms, telling Paige, "Say cheese!"

They both smiled, squinting into the sun, and Emily typed a few words. "Pam?"

"Hanna. She's bored. She'll probably keep texting me for hours, unless she sees that I'm... busy."

"Just how busy?" Paige asked seductively.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Not too busy, unless you want to have another coffee chat with Nick!"

Paige sat up. "Do you want to get in the water?"

Emily squeezed her bicep. "I'll just watch you," she offered pleasantly.

Paige slipped into her flip flops and walked the beaten path to the lake, occasionally glancing back with a smile for Emily. Emily adjusted the back of the deck chair so that she was sitting up. She waved at Paige, looking with interest as her girlfriend pulled her cover-up over her head and stepped into the water. Emily took a quick glance over at Nick, worried that he might have caught her checking out his daughter.

Paige shivered at first and then submerged in the lake, emerging with a schreech as she threw her head back to get the hair away from her face. The water was a bit cold, but it felt good. It had been getting a little warm in the chair with Emily, especially after they had to go the first half of the summer without seeing much of each other.

It didn't take long for her body to adjust to the temperature, and, once it did, she swam on her back in long, lazy circles. The backstroke wasn't one of her events, but she enjoyed it out on the lake; her face to the sky, the warm rays of the sun competing with the cool water beneath her.

Back on the deck, Emily exchanged texts with Hanna. Hanna was interning for a boutique fashion house in Manhattan, doing all the things that interns do: fetching coffee, chasing down suppliers, running all over town to pick up bolts of fabric. As she texted Emily, she was going through on-line catalogues, trying to match a fabric sample. Her phone was in her lap and she was voice-texting through a headset, with even more typos than usual. Siri, it seemed, hadn't quite learned Hanna's slang and acronyms.

After a while, Emily noticed Paige swimming for the shore. She watched as her girlfriend quickly dried her hair, her face, and her body, and then wrapped herself in a towel, put her hair up in a loose bun, and trotted back to the seat where Emily was watching and waiting.

"You should really come in," she said, leaning down but at an angle, so as not to drip on Emily. "The water's really relaxing."

"It looked relaxing!" Emily was smiling at Paige's enthusiasm.

"Do you want to go out in the paddle boat with me?"

Emily shifted her feet off of the chair and onto the deck. "Yeah! That sounds like fun!" Paige didn't try to hide her excitement as Emily lifted her arms so that Paige could help her up. Holding her hand, Paige led her over to the boat and stooped over it to get a life jacket out of the back. She helped Emily into it, then handed Emily another, so that Emily could help her get into it. Paige climbed into the boat, steadied herself, and reached out to help Emily inside.

Paige took a slow pass around the perimeter of the lake, giving Emily enough time to savor the experience. Emily stuck her hand over the side like a rudder and enjoyed the movement of the water through her fingers. She waved at ducks in the distance, who may have been used to humans and their watercraft, but were none too eager to come near and make new friends.

About a quarter of the way around the lake, Paige diverted toward the center. She stopped pedaling when she was well out from the shore.

"What's the matter?" Emily asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and playfully poking Paige in the ribs with her elbow. "Did we run out of gas?"

Paige smiled and extended her arm. Emily tucked herself under, sighing contentedly at the sensation: The slow rocking of the boat, the warmth of the Sun, Paige's arm around her. If only they didn't have to wear those damned bulky life vests.

Paige's voice was soft and husky. "I just thought it would be nice to get a _bit_ of privacy this weekend." Emily looked up, and Paige gave her a kiss. "And, have I mentioned yet how much it sucks not being with you all summer?"

"Mmmm." Emily thought about her mother, and all of the time that she and her father had to spend apart. "Oh, that reminds me!" Emily shifted her legs, needing to move because she was excited about what she was going to say, but not wanting to leave Paige's arms. "My Mom's thinking of flying out to Texas to see my Dad!"

"And?" Paige knew that there was more to the story, but she wasn't as excited as Emily. Emily was either going to suggest that they fly out with her (Not that she would mind seeing Wayne again. It was the flying part.), or that Paige sleep over in Rosewood, where they would have the whole house to herself. Paige knew that Nick would never go for that.

"And, she wanted to know whether you and I could drive her car out there. She's going to be there a while, till Christmas, so she could use a car of her own out there."

"She doesn't want to drive it out herself?"

"She doesn't want to drive alone. She asked me to drive with her, but I told her that we might be able to do it. That way, she could have some time alone with my Dad, and you and I would have some time alone on the road. Plus, we wouldn't have to fly as far to get back to campus."

"Or, we could rent a car and drive from Texas."

Emily laughed. "Or, that!"

"It might be cheaper than flying."

Emily shrugged. "So you'll do it?"

"I would love a do-over for a cross-country drive with you!"

"Yeah, and this time, if we get stuck in a room with only one bed, it'll be a _good_ thing!"

"Yeah, remember that?"

"I remember that you were so freaked out that you couldn't sleep!"

Paige shook her head, remembering. She explained to Emily that, back then, she was struggling to come to terms with feelings that she had known about for a long time, but that she knew she had to repress.  
"And then, you made this noise in your sleep that was kind of like..." Paige leaned in and whispered. "Well, you remember, last night, when I found that spot?"

Emily gasped, sitting up as her cheeks turned red. "Paige!" She turned around to look back to the deck, although they were too far out to be overheard.

"Yeah, so you know the sound I'm talking about."

"Well, if I make that sound on this trip," Emily noted with a kiss, "you'll be the reason"

Paige smiled an kissed Emily back. On the other side of the kiss, Emily turned to look at the shore again. "Nick and Lisa went back inside. I guess we bored them!"

"Or embarrassed them?" Paige sat up a little, putting a bit of distance between the two of them. Emily pulled her back.

"I think they just got a little cold"

"Mmm." Paige relaxed for a second, not really having processed what Emily said, but just enjoying the fact that Emily was tucked in tight. When she realized Emily's point, she asked the top of Emily's head, "Are you cold? Do you want to go in?"

Emily shook her head. "Yes to the first question, no to the second. I don't want to go in, I just want you to hold me." Paige pulled her a little tighter, rubbing her arm before they settled back into the regular hug. "And, Paige, maybe we could do something... a little crazy?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, I know this is going to stand your OCD world on its head, but..." Emily's voice got comically loud. "Could we take these off," she asked, patting Paige's vest, "so I'm not hugging you through a suit of armor?"

Paige laughed lightly. "Okay," she said, playing it up, as if she were speaking to a young child. "Just don't make any sudden movements and capsize the boat!"

"Relax, Paige. - I'm a pretty good swimmer!"

Paige leaned in, staring at Emily's lips as she spoke sultrily into them. "Now, you know I never relax, Emily." Pulling away from Emily, she started to paddle, steering the boat into a turn.

 _Seriously?_ "It's okay, Paige. We can keep the vests on. I'd rather just stay here with you for a little while longer"

Paige looked over at her and smiled as she completed the quarter turn, pointing the boat toward the west. "This way," she explained, "we can watch the sun go down." She helped Emily unstrap her vest and pull it over her head, and Emily helped her get out of her vest.

"That's more like it," Emily said, settling in.

Paige fished around in the seats behind them, finding a hoodie that she stretched out on top of them as they waited for the sunset.

* * *

Paige's hands were full, so she used her foot to open the front door, then backed her way out. "I knew I'd find you here," she said with a small smile.

The sun had gone down, but the summer night was warm and peaceful. The sound of crickets and the occasional trill of a bird or two added to the relaxing atmosphere.

Paige sat next to Nick on the porch swing and handed him a beer, twisting the cap off of the bottle of water that she'd taken for herself.

Nick tipped the bottle toward Paige in gratitude. "That's why you're my favorite daughter," he said.

They exchanged some pleasantries about how Emily was enjoying the cabin and about Stanford, and then sat in silence.

Paige held her water in both of her hands and let it hold her gaze. "Dad, I just wanted you to know that I'm honestly happy for you and Lisa." Nick nodded, and Paige turned her head toward him. "And I wasn't before, but..." She looked away again.

"I know that I could've handled it better. I could've handled a lot of things better." Nick moved forward on the swing, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. "I always wanted what was best for you, Paige. I hope you believe that."

Paige nodded eagerly. That was something that she never had any doubt about.

"And, did you know that I was proud of you? Always."

Paige leaned into her dad, resting her weight against his chest. "I know that, Dad. You always told me that. But I was just so worried about seeing you hurt..."

"You were trying to protect me."

"It's stupid."

"No. It's love. I wanted to protect you, too, but somehow..."

"We were so busy looking out for each other that we never listened to each other."

"Something like that."

"And, you were right, Dad. What you said. You deserve to be happy. I always wanted to make you happy."

"So, you saw Lisa as a replacement for you?"

Paige shook her head. At least, she didn't think that was it. "It was just the shock. She was my coach. And everything happened behind my back."

"You're right. I should've talked to you. That was a horrible way for you to find out."

"I was so excited to show you how much I'd changed. I had a year of college and competition, I had a great girlfriend... I guess it never occurred to me that you might have some changes, too."

"I'm proud of the woman you've become, Paige. And of the woman you're becoming." Paige smiled and gave her father a hug. "Your mother would be proud of you, too." Nick looked deep into Paige's eyes. "She really loved you, you know." Paige nodded. Her few memories of her mother's smile, her voice, and her touch were overflowing with love. "She would've loved Emily, too."

Nick was beginning to get a little misty-eyed, so Paige knew that he would want some time alone, to reflect. She patted him on the shoulder as she stood, twisting the water bottle's cap tight and loose over and over again. "You're going to sit out here a bit longer?" Nick nodded. "Okay. Good night."

Paige knew that her dad meant what he said about her mother. She also knew that, although he said it about her mother, it was his way of telling her that he himself loved her and Emily.


	27. Round Two

In some ways, it was easier for Paige to repair her relationship with her father than it was with her coach. Even before she adjusted to her father's relationship, she knew deep down that he was happy, and his happiness was, after all, what she had accepted as her mission in life.

And that, perhaps, was what made it so hard for her to make peace with her ex-coach; perhaps there was some truth in what Nick had said, and Paige wasn't ready for to accept the reality of someone else being responsible for his happiness.

But the bottom line was unavoidable. She was happy for her father, so she needed to be happy for Lisa.

Paige made a point to carve out some time for a heart-to-heart with Lisa before they headed home at the end of the week. There wasn't much of the summer left, but Paige arranged to go running with her ex-coach in the mornings once they got back to Ravenswood. It was a small but important step in being able to see her as "Coach -" or "Lisa -" again, and not as "the woman my dad's hanging out with."

* * *

"Well, I'm glad we came. Are you?"

Paige didn't hesitate. "Absolutely!"

As hard as the experience of finding out that her father and her coach were living together had been on Paige, it had forced the issue, helping them get to the conversation that they had never had through the years. As much as Paige had tried to protect her father all that time, she never fully considered how difficult those days were for him. There was the pain of seeing the love of his life fade away; the fear of having to raise a daughter by himself; the stress of having to do it while he kept up with a demanding career, to pay the bills - and while he kept up with all of Paige's practices and competitions.

She finally came to see how much he needed someone a Lisa in his life.

But, if it was an adjustment to see her father in a new light, it was pretty near impossible for her to see her coach in that context: Half-asleep, with her hair a tangled mess, barefoot, in pajamas. Cuddling on the couch with Paige's father.

"It's just weird," Paige said, her arms flailing in frustration. "Plus, there's the whole 'Lisa' thing. She was 'Coach' for four and a half years, but now she's 'Lisa.'"

"Well, you could just call her 'Mom!'"

Paige sputtered out a gust of air. "Oh, God! I'm glad I didn't have any coffee in my mouth just then! We'd be in an accident!"

Emily laughed and apologized, very much not sorry.

"And the weird thing is, we used to call her 'Coach Mom!'"

Emily crinkled her nose. "Really?" Paige nodded. "Yeah, that _is_ weird."

"No," Paige sighed, "it was sweet. She was like a mother hen, you know? The way she looked out for all of us."

"Mother hen, huh?"

"Yep."

"Well, she's Nick's chick now!" Paige gave Emily a shove for the horrible joke, but Emily couldn't stop giggling at her cleverness.

* * *

"So, are you ready for round two?"

"Round two?"

"Yeah. You survived round one with Nick and Lisa; are you ready to spend a week with my friends?"

Emily took a hand off of the wheel and rubbed Paige's leg. After they broke for lunch, they switched seats so that Emily could drive the last leg of the trip, since she was familiar with the route to Spencer's family's beach house.

Paige chuckled to herself at the question. She had been observing Emily's friends on the day that they met for lunch before the drive out to the lake house. From what she learned in her Dynamics of Organizations class, she categorized the behavior of Emily and her friends as like siblings. Spencer was the oldest child; the authority figure; the one who took charge of the group, in order to make sure that the rest of the kids were safe – or, at least, that's what the oldest tells herself.

Hanna and Aria were the middle children. Each one showed one of the classic behaviors of middle children. Aria was the mediator, always trying to find a way for everyone to get along. Hanna was the loud, flamboyant one, clamoring for the attention that fell so naturally to the oldest and the youngest.

And Emily was the baby; the one whom the others would always seek to protect take care of, even long after she had outgrown the need for that.

Paige knew that trying to win over Spencer was a fool's game. To do that, she would have to submit to Spencer, accepting the role of younger sister, which, as an only child, Paige couldn't see herself doing. The other way to win Spencer over would be to save her life, and Paige couldn't count on having a chance to step in between Spencer and some crazed, homicidal maniac any time soon.

Paige's strategy was to win over the younger siblings. That way, Spencer would have to accept her, for the good of the clan. Emily was already won over. Aria wouldn't be a problem, since Aria naturally tried to bond with people and form alliances. And as for Hanna, all that Paige would have to do was let herself squirm when Hanna asked her some embarrassing questions about her relationship - her physical relationship - with Emily, and she would be in.

"Yeah," she said, throwing Emily a knowing smile. "I'm ready for round two."

* * *

Paige and Emily traversed the walkway up to the beach house hand in hand, with their fingers laced together, as they pulled their suitcases behind them. When they got to the front door, Emily rang the bell, even though she was sure that the door was unlocked.

While they waited for someone to answer, Emily turned to Paige with an uneasy smile. "You okay?" she whispered as she smoothed down the collar of Paige's white, sleeveless blouse and groomed her hair in place with a couple of quick tugs. Paige crinkled her nose and nodded, to indicate that she was okay, and ran her fingers through her hair, effectively undoing whatever it was that Emily had done to it.

After a few moments, the door was opened by a slightly older man, looking professorial in his khaki Bermudas and pastel pink polo shirt. With his confident smile and every hair in place, he had the look of old money. He acknowledged Emily with a tip of his head, speaking her name.

"Ezra Fitz, this is..."

"Paige McCullers!" Ezra extended his right hand, still holding on to the open door with his left. "Your reputation precedes you!"

Paige responded with the easy smile of a person who had grown up mostly around adults, not children. "Well, I hope that you'll give me a chance to redeem myself!"

Ezra put his hand up, backing away from any negative connotation. "Oh, trust me: Aria's only said good things!"

On cue, Aria turned up, handing Ezra a drink before she greeted Emily and Paige with hugs. "Everyone's out back," she informed them. "Emily, you know what room you guys are in, right?"

Emily nodded and led the way upstairs, where they found their room and got settled, quickly slipping into their swimsuits. Paige put her arms around Emily's waist, her hands against the bare skin on Emily's back under her cover-up. "Do we really have to go out there?"

"You're going to have to face them sooner or later!"

"I'm not worried about facing them," Paige said softly with a kiss. "I'm just not that sure I want to share you with them."

"Come on," Emily said eagerly, "I want to get out under the sun!"

"That's easy for you to say..." Paige held her forearm against Emily's, to point out the contrast in their complexions.

"I'll rub sun block on your back," Emily said with a hint of teasing in her voice as she rubbed circles on Paige's back.

* * *

No sooner had they stepped on the deck than they heard Spencer's angry voice. "There you are, McCullers!"

Emily put her hand up to intervene, but Spencer sidestepped her, pressing on. "Would you tell this woman," she said, pointing her upturned palms in Hanna's direction, "that 'hacking' is a field hockey term?"

"Oh, yeah," Paige affirmed, somewhat caught off guard, and trying to come up to speed. "Hacking - it's like, going for the stick instead of the ball."

Spencer nodded smugly, redirecting her palms toward Paige, as if to say, "So there!"

"Whatever, Spence, my point is, when someone hears the word, 'hacking,' he pictures computers, not field hockey."

"Granted, but my point is that field hockey has been around for centuries, and the term 'hacking' was well established long before it developed any computer connotations!"

Paige looked on at the conversation, enthralled, almost as if she were watching circus performers, until Emily tugged at her hand and pulled her away.

"So, you're a hacker?" Emily teased.

"I didn't need to be!" Paige said proudly. "When you've got ball skills like mine..."

"Okay, McCullers!" Emily patted her condescendingly on the shoulder. "The last thing I need to hear about is your ball skills!"

"She wants to hear about your breaststroke," Hanna called over her shoulder without missing a beat in her argument with Spencer.

* * *

Back in the room, as they changed and got ready for dinner, Emily asked for Paige's impression of the guys. Paige wasn't sure that she should be talking about Emily's friends' significant others - but Emily pointed out that all of them would most certainly be talking about her.

"So, Ezra was her..."

"Yes."

"And, yet they..."

"Yes."

"Don't people go to jail for..."

"Yes."

"Huh. I guess it's not as creepy as it sounds."

"What about Toby? Caleb?"

Paige shrugged. "They're cool, I guess." She crinkled her forehead. "I'm not sure what you're going for here, Em."

"I don't know... I guess I just want to know that you can get along with my friends, because they're important to me."

Paige put her arms around Emily. "You know me, Emily. I can get along with anybody! Even Spencer!"

"Ha ha." Emily deadpanned, putting her hands on Paige's shoulders. "Spencer's not so bad. It's just an adjustment."

"I know. We'll be fine."

* * *

At dinner, Paige couldn't shake the feeling that she was under Spencer's microscope. It seemed that Spencer was constantly eyeing her, evaluating her every word, gesture, and facial expression. Paige did her best to ignore the attention, not wanting her old, defensive nature to break through. She didn't need to compete with Spencer. Spencer would either accept her or not, and while Spencer's acceptance would be nice, Emily's opinion was what mattered to Paige. And the subtle touches that Emily kept giving her, the way that she kept peeking over to make sure that she was okay, and the way that she kept involving Paige in the conversation - talking her up, so to speak, assured her that she had Emily's approval.

Not that there was ever any doubt.

"So, Paige-y," Hanna began, slurring her words slightly as she wrapped her arm around Paige's shoulder, "tell me how you won my little Emily's heart!"

Paige looked at Emily, a little confused. "Actually, I'm kind of curious about that myself!"

"Em-i-leeee?" Hanna prodded, and all eyes turned to Emily.

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "She just... showed me her real self, I guess. I mean, she's just a warm, caring, real human being." Emily was rubbing Paige's back affectionately. She shrugged. "I couldn't help falling for her."

Paige, uncomfortable with the level of attention that she was getting, dipped her head. As a result, she didn't see that even Spencer was smiling. Spencer had to admit that she was seeing that side of Paige as well. And, if nothing else, Paige certainly made Emily happy, and Emily's happiness was important to Paige. She and Spencer were alike in that respect. They were, Spencer had to admit, alike in many ways.

* * *

"They like you." Emily smiled with excitement as she locked lips with Paige. Her hands were together behind Paige's neck as she backed Paige up to the bed. As Paige collapsed on top of the mattress, Emily collapsed on top of her. "Thank you for coming with me. Thank you for making an effort."

Paige smiled against Emily's lips. "I wouldn't have missed it."

* * *

Paige tried not to make too much noise as she slid the door to the patio open and stepped outside to stretch before her early morning run. She was startled when she saw that she wasn't alone.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for an early riser!"

"I'm not, usually. Ezra was kind of restless this morning, so I figured I'd give him a bit of space to thrash around in the bed." Tipping the book that she was reading up toward Paige, she added, through a yawn, "Plus, it gives me time to catch up on some reading."

"Well, you can never go wrong with Jane Austen, can you?"

Aria smiled. "One of the few authors whom Ezra and I can agree on. I find myself going through the canon every year or so."

Paige wandered over, putting her run on hold for a bit, and took the chair next to Aria's. "I imagine there were more than a few challenges to your relationship."

"It definitely wasn't easy," Aria admitted with a sigh. "Especially in high school. If I didn't have the support of my friends..." Aria trailed off, realizing how that may have sounded to Paige. She reached for Paige's forearm. "It took them a while to get their heads around it, but, _eventually_ , they got to know him."

Paige nodded. She wasn't begrudging Aria the acceptance of her friends, but she appreciated what Aria was saying - that Emily's friends, namely Spencer, would come around and accept her, too.

"The thing about it with Emily," Aria continued, "is that we all kind of look on her as a little sister. We tend to be overprotective of her."

Paige knew that all to well. She was tempted to ask whether or not they had been so overprotective with Emily's other girlfriends, but that wasn't really the point. She didn't want to be judged by her past, so she wasn't going to judge Emily's friends by theirs.

"No, I get that," she said. "But, the thing is, Emily is a lot stronger than people give her credit for. She couldn't get to where she is without being able to fight for things. And believe me - we've gone toe to toe more than once - before and after we got together, and I never had to pull any punches. She never backed down."

Aria nodded. "I get that. I think we all do. But, even though we know it up here" - Aria pointed to her head - "it's hard to change those ingrained patterns."

"Very hard." Paige and Aria looked up at Spencer's comment and saw her standing in the open doorway, hugging a cup of coffee in her hands. She sidled closer to Paige and crouched down, so that Paige didn't have to look up at her. "Look, Paige. I know that you're good to Emily - and good for Emily. And I admit that I'm having a hard time getting past the Paige I knew in high school."

"Perfectly understandable," Paige conceded.

"But, my point is, I'm seeing another side to things. And I'm willing to start fresh, if you are."

Paige stood, smiling broadly, and Spencer stood as well. "I would love that."

* * *

Emily stumbled out to the deck with her hair unkempt and her eyes half closed. Her arms were folded in front of her. "Have you guys seen Paige?" she rasped.

"We actually had a nice chat earlier," Spencer replied.

Emily scowled. "What did you say to her, Spencer?"

"Chill, Em! I told her that I wanted us to start fresh." Dropping her voice melodramatically, she added, "We _hugged_."

Emily looked past Spencer to Aria, for confirmation. Aria leaned forward in her chair and shrugged. "They hugged."

Emily rolled her eyes, not yet letting go of her anger and suspicion.

"She should be coming back around in a few minutes." Spencer gestured vaguely in the direction that Paige had set off on fir her run. "Ask her yourself."

Emily let out a deep breath. "I trust you." she rocked back and forth a couple of times, debating whether to head back to bed or wait for Paige. Ultimately, she opted for more sleep. She didn't want to make it seem that she was waiting to check out Spencer's story - but she was definitely going to get Paige's version.

"We'll tell her that you were looking for her," Spencer called after her.

* * *

After she showered, Paige settled in on top of the bed next to Emily, who was lying between the sheets. Emily's muffled voice came through the pillow. "How was your run?"

"Oh, sorry, Em. I didn't mean to wake you."

Without turning to face Paige, Emily replied, "I'm awake. Half awake, anyway."

Paige rubbed her back. "You should sleep. I don't think we have anything big planned for today."

Emily turned over and looked Paige in the eye. "You and Spencer talked?"

Paige laughed. "Yeah. We talked." Lowering her voice melodramatically, she added, "We _hugged_."

Emily let out a huff of air and rolled over on her side again. "You two are so friggin' alike it's unbelievable!"


	28. Brews, Bruises, and Bros

Spencer's lungs were burning. The balls of her feet were complaining at the pounding that they were receiving, and she could feel shin splints shooting up her legs. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, and her back was aching. As desperate as she was for air, only occasionally did she allow herself to breathe through her mouth. And only occasionally did she glance over at her running partner for the morning, scanning for some indication that Paige McCullers was struggling just as hard.

When their pre-arranged finish line finally came into view, they both bolted toward it. Neither one could say who was the first to decide to go into a sprint, nor who was the first to reach the line. By the time they got there, they both doubled over immediately, walking in circles with their hands on their hips and gasping freely, all pretense that they had been on nothing more than a casual morning jog thrown out of the window.

Spencer put her hand on Paige's shoulder and bent at the waist, her stomach-muscles bellowing in and out. A few moments passed before she was able to reach down to her Nikes and pull them up, to stretch out her calves. When she finished, she stood erect and let Paige lean on her for a stretch.

They stared at each other, their shoulders still heaving up and down, before Spencer stood next to Paige, putting her arm across her shoulder, and announced, "My only regret, McCullers, is that you opted for Stanford over Penn!"

Paige, caught off guard, laughed before extending her hand for Spencer to shake. "Come on, Hastings. I'll buy you a brew."

* * *

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." Hanna pointed her chin toward the door as the bell above it chimed, and Emily twisted in her seat to see who was coming in: Her girlfriend and Spencer Hastings, with their arms still around each other's shoulders, laughing at some joke that they had apparently just shared.

Paige waved at Emily, trotting ahead of Spencer to get to the table and give her girlfriend a kiss. "You guys are up early," she said, looking back at Spencer as the two of them burst into laughter. Paige had just joked to Spencer that Emily would have mixed emotions about seeing the two of them like that; on the one hand, they were getting along, but on the other, Emily would be possessive about Spencer's arm on Paige's shoulder.

Spencer replied that she would drop out of college and join an artist's colony if "any one of those three could manage to drag her sorry ass out of the house before 8:00 on a Sunday morning."

"I guess I'm off to Taos, then!" Spencer said, shrugging her shoulders with her hands resignedly in the air, and the two of them laughed all over again.

"If I weren't seeing it with my own eyes," Aria said, "I'd never believe it."

"Sit," Spencer barked good-naturedly at Paige. "I'll go order."

"I'm buying, remember?" Paige, in an exaggerated motion, nudged Spencer out of the way. "Besides, you'd probably order me an Americano with a double shot of arsenic!"

Spencer shook her head, smiling. "Cyanide," she retorted, "I like the odds of beating the autopsy better with cyanide." Spencer pulled up a chair and sat down with the girls while Paige fetched their drinks. She didn't realize that she was still wearing a smile until she saw the three open mouths gawking at her. Her expression quickly went neutral. "What?"

Emily sucked her teeth. "Don't pretend that you don't know what, Spencer."

"Okay," Spencer groaned, her voice artificially deep, her hands stretched out in front of her. "You were right, Em." She shrugged. "Paige and I are a lot alike." Emily hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, so happy that she and Paige were finally getting along. "Except for that!" Spencer scowled, making a show of wiping the kiss off of her cheek, using both hands. "Only _one_ of us likes getting kisses from you!"

* * *

"You want to tell me what that was all about at coffee this morning?"

"What?"

"You know what. You and your new best bud."

"Spencer?" The same stupid smile that Spencer had sported when she joined the girls made an appearance on Paige's face. And, like Spencer's smile, Paige's disappeared as soon as she realized that she was smiling. She shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "We went for a run this morning. It was good."

"And, now, all of a sudden, you guys are Damon and Pythias?"

"Damon and who?"

Emily gave Paige a look that said, "So not the point."

"I thought you _wanted_ us to be friends, Em?"

"I do," Emily was suddenly defensive. "Of course I do. It just seems a little... sudden, that's all."

"Emily, this isn't about... You aren't…" Paige felt foolish even saying it. Emily cut her off before she had to.

"Noooo_" she whined, exaggerating the syllable and moving closer, to lock her hands behind Paige's neck. "It's just…" She sighed deeply. "It was kind of nice, defending my girlfriend from Big Bad Spencer." Emily buried her head on Paige's shoulder, unable to believe that she had even admitted that she had felt like that.

"Awww," Paige said, kissing Emily's forehead, confirming why Emily was so reluctant to confess the feelings in the first place. "Do you want me to pick a fight with her, so you can be my defender again?"

"No, Paige, I…" Emily rolled her eyes and huffed in frustration. "Just…" Paige was smiling at her in that annoying, condescending way that she had. "Ugh! Just shut up and kiss me, okay?"

As they kissed, Emily backed up to the bed, pulling Paige down into a sitting position next to her. Paige's legs dangled over the edge, while Emily's were crossed in front of her. Paige angled her body toward Emily, propped up on one arm with her left hand flat against the bed, her eyes focused on her right hand which was slowly smoothing out creases in the blanket. "I never really had a friend before," she admitted. "Not like your friends."

She felt Emily's hand on her cheek as Emily suddenly became the one who was being condescending (albeit sincere). "That's so sad." Emily thought back to the way that her friends had supported her when she was coming to terms with who she was - before she had even dared discuss it with her parents. "You didn't have anybody to talk things through when you were... figuring things out?"

Paige shrugged. "I kept a journal," she barely spoke, her eyes still following the movement of her palm against the blanket. She couldn't believe that she was admitting that to Emily, but there was something about Emily that made her feel safe; that made her _want_ to let Emily in. Emily's hand on her cheek was disarming. And, even without looking up, Paige could feel the concern in Emily's eyes as they gazed on her. Paige heard herself sniffle, although she didn't know why.

Emily wasn't sure how or whether to ask what she really wanted to ask. She lowered her head to capture Paige's eyes. "Can I read it sometime?"

Paige let a laugh escape and sniffled again. "Only if you want to see just how pathetic your girlfriend is. Trust me, Em, _I_ can't even read it."

"Paige!" Emily moved her hand from Paige's cheek to the back of her neck. "You're not pathetic. You're the strongest person I know. You've accomplished so much - and I'm not talking about Stanford and swimming. How many people can decide to become someone better, and actually do it? - And the fact that you did it without anyone to help you..." She kissed Paige tenderly.

During the kiss, Paige's hand moved from the blanket to Emily's bare thigh. "You can read it," she said softly.

Emily shrugged. "I was just curious. I don't want to embarrass you, Paige."

Paige leaned into Emily and collapsed them both down on the bed. She nestled in on Emily's chest, with Emily's arm behind her neck. "Do you still write your journal?"

"No," Paige said, smiling though Emily couldn't see her face. "I just tell you everything, now."

Emily kissed the top of Paige's head. "Okay," she said in an artificially heavy tone, to lighten the mood by taking the spotlight off Paige, "you can have Spencer."

Paige gave her a slight shove before settling back in, holding on a little tighter. Emily furrowed her forehead when she noticed a purple spot on Paige's left arm. "Paige? What happened?"

Paige tipped her head up to take a look at her arm as Emily held it up and gently circled the spot with her index finger.

"Oh. That. I didn't see a branch, so I ended up taking a tumble this morning, when Spencer and I were out jogging." When she saw the concern in Emily's eyes, she added, quickly, "I still caught up with Spencer! She wasn't faster than me!"

Emily rolled her eyes. As if that were what she was worried about - whether or not her girlfriend could beat Spencer in a foot race. "Paige..." She gave the spot a kiss. "You have to be more careful!"

Paige was going to play it down - it was just a bruise, after all - but she realized that she liked it that someone was as concerned for her as Emily was. "I'll be careful," she promised.

They enjoyed their lazy embrace for a bit longer before Paige pulled away, slapping her hands against her thighs as she sat up. "Well, I'd better get going. We start grilling at noon!"

"Paige..." Emily sat up with a confused smile. "You don't have to go - it's just the guys!"

"No..." Paige drew out the word. "It's the..." She paused, unable to come up with an appropriate sounding gender-generic term for "boyfriends." _Partners? Special friends? Significant others?_ She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "It's the... people... who are dating... the four of you." She extended her hands on either side of Emily as she said the last phrase, as if forming a box into which she was lumping Emily and her friends.

"Paige..." Emily didn't try to suppress the whine in her voice. She didn't want Paige to leave, but she stopped herself before she pointed out that none of her other girlfriends had taken part in the ritual end-of-the-week barbecue. Paige looked at her expecting her to say something else. Emily shook her head quickly. "Go," she said with a kiss, turning Paige's shoulders toward the door. "Go do your bro thing!" Emily realized that it was a good thing that Paige was carving out some friendships with the guys - especially after what Paige had said about her lack of friends.

Paige, reassured by the big smile on Emily's face, gave her another kiss before she headed for the door.

Emily dropped back against the bed, finding a pillow to hug. Never before had she felt so happy with where life had taken her.

* * *

"McCullers!" the guys chorused enthusiastically as Paige stepped through the sliding doors. They were in beach chairs on the sandy area behind the house, a respectable distance from the charcoal that was smoldering in the grill.

"We didn't think you would make it," Caleb said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No?" Paige asked as she strolled over to the grill to take a peek at its progress.

Toby coughed, "Whipped" into his hand, and Paige shook her head as the guys laughed.

"Grab a seat," Ezra said, offering Paige a bottle, "and grab some liquid refreshment! There's nothing to do now but wait for the coals."

Paige really enjoyed her time with the guys. They treated her with a relaxed acceptance, as if she didn't have to earn a spot in their club. She was a member as a consequence of their common experience, dating the Rosewood Four.

* * *

"Dude!" Paige protested, fighting through Caleb's attempts to box her out of the grill. "Get those poor things off the grill! You're incinerating them!"

"McCullers! They're still bloody!" Caleb was deftly fending Paige off with the elbow of his beer-hand as he rearranged the meat on the grill with his tong-hand.

"Don't worry, Paige!" Toby held up a raw steak. "We already pulled yours off of the grill!"

Paige shook her head, taking the teasing in the spirit it was intended. "Whatever," she said, throwing up her hands. "I didn't know I was the only carnivore on this trip!"

* * *

"So, Emily," Toby said with a sly grin, "Paige must be easy to cook for."

Emily forced a weary smile, rolling her eyes toward Paige as she anticipated whatever lame lesbian joke Toby was about to unleash. Still, she thought that it was a good thing that Paige had gotten close enough to the guys for them to feel comfortable joking about it with her.

"Just pull a steak out of the fridge, let it get to room temperature, and _voilà_! Dinner is served!"

"Oh God!" Emily's eyes widened in panic. She grabbed her knife and cut urgently into the steak to inspect it. "You didn't let Paige cook the steaks, did you?" Her shoulders relaxed when she saw that the meat was, in fact, sufficiently cooked.

Paige threw her hands up in mock indignation. "Hey! I _like_ knowing that I'm eating meat, okay? So kill me!"

"Give it a few years," Spencer deadpanned judgmentally. "Your arteries will take care of that themselves."


	29. Paige McCullers and her Best Friend

Paige was reclining in a deck chair next to Emily, enjoying the cool of the evening just as the sun began going down, when she felt a shadow fall over her. She looked up, using her hand as a visor, to see Hanna silhouetted in front of her.

"Hi!" Hanna's voice was light and pleasant. Paige responded with a smile. "Come take a walk with me."

Paige looked over to let Emily know that it was okay before she noticed that Hanna's hand was stretched out to her, not Emily. She reached for it, letting Hanna help her up, and looked over to Emily, asking with her eyes whether Emily was coming, too.

Hanna supplied the answer. "I'll have your girlfriend back soon," she promised Emily and, still holding Paige's hand, she led her toward the boardwalk on the public area of the beach.

As they hit their stride, she linked her arm with Paige's. "This is nice, isn't it?" she asked, looking out over the Atlantic. Paige nodded, still a little unsure what Hanna was up to. "Emily told me about your dad's place by the lake. What's it like up there?"

Paige started to relax as she described the lake house and the many visits that she and her father had taken there when she was growing up. Once Paige's guard was down, Hanna cut to the chase.

"Do you love her?"

The question came out matter-of-factly, not in an accusing or threatening way.

"Yeah. Of course." Paige chuckled nervously, and rubbed the back of her neck.

Hanna stopped in her tracks, turning to Paige and squeezing her shoulder. "No. I'm not asking do you feel comfortable and safe enough to tell her those three little words." Hanna's eyes narrowed as she stared up into Paige's and repeated the question. "Do you _love_ her?"

Paige tilted her head back a little without realizing that she was doing it as she contemplated what Hanna meant by the question. The more she thought about it, the wider her smile got. She nodded eagerly as she answered, "Yeah, I do."

"Good." Hanna nodded once, linked their arms, and started walking again. "I could tell. It's obvious from the way that you look at her, and the way that you _are_ with her." Squeezing Paige's forearm, she said, "I just wanted to make sure that _you_ knew."

Hanna gave Paige a moment or two to process that comment before she started again.

"You know about her exes?"

"Yeah. I guess. I mean, I know their names. There was Samara, Maya..."

Hanna cut her off. "You don't need to worry about any of those girls. Emily was still trying to find herself back then. She was looking for a way to define herself through her relationships. But she knows who she is now, and, now that she does, she knows how to be in love with someone else." Hanna stopped again, to look in Paige's eyes again. "She's in love with _you,_ " she said simply.

Paige smiled again. She wouldn't have been able to help it if she had wanted to. "So is this the part where you tell me that I'd better treat her right or else?"

Hanna didn't smile. This was serious. "I'm not here to take care of Emily, Paige. I'm here to take care of you."

Paige was puzzled.

"I know about your past, and I know how you must feel about it. Still." Paige dipped her head. "But don't. Nobody cares about _that_ Paige. I mean, shit, not even Spencer cares about that Paige, apparently." Paige shrugged her shoulders. Hanna landed her fingers on Paige's forearm. "Emily's not going to hurt you. But if you keep living under the shadow of the old Paige, you're going to wind up hurting yourself. And hurting Emily."

Hanna leaned in, to confirm that Paige got it, and Paige nodded. There was only one thing that she needed to know. "Did Emily ask you to have this talk to me?"

Hanna shook her head. "She didn't have to. She's my best friend. Which makes you my best friend, too, okay?"

"Okay," Paige said softly, sinking into the hug that Hanna was offering.

* * *

Paige looked around, uncomfortably suspicious, as Emily pulled into a parking space next to the rest of the group's cars outside The Hungry Owl, a rustic looking establishment on the remote outskirts of Rosewood. "What exactly is this place?"

Emily explained that they had stumbled across it on one of their previous trips back from the beach house, and it had become their tradition to have a final dinner together and watch the hicks embarrass themselves at karaoke. Paige half-smiled as she clung to Emily's hand on the way to the entrance, plagued by the sneaking suspicion that they were going to try to get her up on stage, as the new girl, to embarrass her.

It didn't help her suspicions that, because they had arrived early, they were able to get a table front and center near the stage. Paige did her best to be good-natured about it. Despite the fact that Emily assured her that nothing was going on, when Paige was long in returning from the restroom, Emily couldn't help worrying that Paige had locked herself in the car for the rest of the night. She texted Paige for confirmation that she was planning to come back, and she strongly cautioned her friends not to pressure her.

Still, when the lights dimmed signaling that the show was about to begin, Hanna nudged Paige. "You should get up there and show Emily what you've got!" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Guys." Emily was using the authoritative voice that once commanded the locker room, back in her days as captain of Rosewood's swim team. "Nobody here is getting up on that stage, okay?" She made pointed stares around the table, and everybody backed down. After a few songs, they were fully relaxed and doing what they had come for, laughing at and cheering for the sincere – and sincerely bad – examples of karaoke on stage in front of them.

"Next up," a female announcer with an accent that didn't fit Pennsylvania announced, "representing one of our nation's finest institutions of higher learning, it's Paige McCullers from Stanford University!"

Paige jumped up onto the stage with her hands in the air, acknowledging the crowd like a rock star who did it for a living every night. As an electric piano started with a steady beat, Emily buried her face in her hands, certain that Paige was going to do something to embarrass her. She didn't realize Paige had stooped down, near the front of the stage, extending a hand to her, until Hanna nudged her in the back and pretty much pushed her onto the stage. Paige took her hand to help her up there and stood facing her. "Don't worry," she said off-mike, "I'm not going to make you sing." There was a beat of drums, and Paige began singing,

 _Ooh, you're making me live  
Whatever this world can give to me  
You, you're all I see  
Ooh, you're making me live now, honey,  
Ooh, you're making me live._

Emily stood with left hand held in Paige's hand as she hid her face with the other hand. She was smiling more out of pride than embarrassment. Paige twirled her a time or two and pulled her in for a hug before she stretched out her arms again, facing her as she sang,

 _You're the best friend that I ever had  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine  
And I want you to know that my feelings are true  
I really love you -  
You're my best friend._

By the final chorus, Emily was leaning in close with her arm around Paige's waist, holding Paige's hand on the mike, kissing her on the cheek occasionally and singing along. When the music ended, they forgot themselves and ended up in each other's arms, kissing each other as Emily's hands roamed up Paige's back and Paige's roamed through Emily's hair. The hooting and whistles from the crowd brought them back to reality as the hostess took the mike, asking the crowd to give it up one more time for "Paige McCullers and her best friend."

Emily kept a tight grip on Paige's arm as they sat back at the table, her eyes never leaving Paige as Paige acknowledged the congratulations of her friends.

"Paige McCullers!" Hanna came behind Paige's chair and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I had no idea that you had skills like that!"

"Neither did I," Paige said modestly, smiling up at Hanna. Emily was smiling, too, as she surveyed the rest of the table, elated that Paige and her friends were getting along so famously. It was more than that, though. It was the whole week – the moments they shared, the bed they shared, the effort that Paige had made with her friends and their boyfriends, and the way that Paige had swept her off of her feet onstage. She had never felt so close to Paige – to anyone, for that matter. She rested her head on Paige's shoulder, letting go of her hand only long enough to brush the hair away from Paige's neck so that she could plant a kiss there. Paige lowered her head on top of Emily's and squeezed Emily's hand.

"I wish we didn't have to go back to our homes tonight."

Paige reached around Emily's shoulder and hugged her. "I know."

"After a night like tonight…" Emily trailed off.

Paige kissed the top of her head. "I know," she whined sympathetically.

* * *

When the following song ended, Emily excused herself, patting Paige on the shoulder. Paige asked whether everything was all right, and Emily just smiled. She made her way over to the Emcee and, after a quick conversation, came back, smiling like the cat who ate the canary.

"You're going to sing?" Paige leaned in and whispered.

"You'll see," Emily smiled.

A few songs later, Emily's name was called and she strode up to the stage. The rest of the table, not to mention the people who remembered her previous performance, cheered enthusiastically. Paige turned her seat around to get a better view of the stage. Emily started to sway, to get the feel of the music, staring directly into Paige's eyes as the words came up and she began to sing:

 _I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason_  
 _Bringing something we must learn_  
 _And we are led t_ _o those who help us most to grow, i_ _f we let them_  
 _And we help them in return_  
 _Well, I don't know if I believe that's true_  
 _But I know I'm who I am today_  
 _Because I knew you,_ _I have been changed for good_

Emily motioned Paige up to the stage, and Paige eagerly joined her, grabbing a mike from a nearby stand to sing the second verse:

 _It well may be t_ _hat we will never meet again i_ _n this lifetime_ **(I hope not!)**  
 _So let me say before we part_  
 _So much of me_ _is made of what I learned from you_  
 _You'll be with me l_ _ike a handprint on my heart_  
 _And now whatever way our stories end_  
 _I know you have re-written mine_ b _y being my friend..._  
 _But because I knew you, I have been changed for good_

 _And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness_  
 _For the things I've done you blame me for_

 _(Emily) But then, I guess we know there's blame to share_

 _(Both)_  
 _And none of it seems to matter anymore  
I do believe I have been changed for the better  
And, because I know you, I have been changed for good_

* * *

Paige gave her new friends hugs – Spencer included – and waited patiently, leaning up against the car on the passenger's side and twirling her keys, as Emily said her tearful good-byes to everyone. Paige gave a knowing tip of the head to the guys, who were similarly leaning and waiting for their girls. Paige held Emily's hand and she helped her into the car, giving the hand a squeeze before she closed the door behind her girlfriend. Emily sighed as Paige got herself situated behind the wheel, and Paige gave her an empathetic half-smile.

Emily was still feeling clingy as they hit the road. Paige was, too, but she had to keep her hands on the wheel. They were mostly silent, communicating by looks and smiles, for the most part.

Emily knew that something was up when Paige took the wrong turn for Rosewood. Her eyes lit up. "Are you kidnapping me, Paige McCullers?"

Paige smiled over at her, and, with a shrug of her shoulders, said simply, "I'm not ready to go home just yet." Emily's smile widened as she turned her attention to the road, wondering what surprise Paige had in store.

Paige drove into Ravenswood, past her house, down to the high school. She pulled into the faculty parking lot and smiled at Emily, who seemed worried. "Trust me," Paige said simply, shutting the engine off and giving Emily's hand a squeeze. "We won't be breaking any laws tonight."

They walked around to the side of the fenced-in campus, stopping in front of a brick wall that was about a couple of feet taller than they were. "Every hopped a fence?" Paige asked with a sly smile.

"I've been known to hop a fence or two," Emily lied, wondering what Paige's plan was and how this didn't involve breaking any laws. Paige took her hand and walked a few steps farther, where they were met by an open gate.

"This place is a public park when school isn't in session," she explained. "They lock it at ten, but we've still got some time."

* * *

The summer nights were still long, warm, and humid. It wasn't completely dark as they found a seat high up in one of the sets of metal bleachers. It was noisy on the way up, but the younger kids running around on the baseball diamond and the older kids throwing a basketball around on the court took no notice of them. The younger kids' parents were clustered in the lower rows of the bleachers, but Paige and Emily, several rows higher, still had some privacy.

Emily, her arms wrapped around Paige's waist and her head on Paige's shoulder, pointed out a ridge of clouds on the horizon, glowing orange in the retreating sun. Paige nodded, remarking, "There's a full moon tonight."

Emily started giggling. She couldn't stop. Paige nudged her, trying to figure out what was so funny. "Sorry – I just… Just the way you said that. 'There's a full moon tonight!' This is the point in the movie where the girl says, 'I have to tell you something,' you know? And it turns out she's a werewolf!"

Paige widened her eyes and her mouth, laughing maniacally as she descended on Emily's neck for a bite. Emily pushed her off. She wasn't giggling anymore. Before Paige could regain her balance, Emily leaned into her, pressing their lips together as her hands kept themselves occupied exploring beneath Paige's blouse. Paige caught up with the kiss, deepening it as she pushed back against Emily's advance.

It was a moment that, in a perfect world, would never have an end.

Paige knew that they couldn't stay out too late, lest they incur the wrath of Pam Fields. She was counting on the fact that the park closed at 10:00 to serve as their alarm clock. As Paige expected, they lost track of time and were both surprised when they heard someone clearing his throat to let them know that it was time for him to lock up. They smiled sheepishly down at him, smoothing their clothes back into place and putting their hair back up as they took the long walk of not-quite-shame off of the bleachers.

Somehow, they had managed to miss the fact that everyone else had already cleared out of the park.

* * *

Paige and Emily sat parked in Emily's driveway for as long as they dared before they had to call it a night. Paige walked Emily to the front door, dropping off Emily's bags on the other side of it and giving Pam a quick recap of their week. Emily walked her back out to the car and gave her a final kiss through the window before she headed back to Ravenswood.

Paige couldn't stop smiling. She and Emily had spent a great two weeks together, she had made new friends, and she was getting along with her dad and Lisa. It had been a great summer; - a lot better than she could ever have expected.

* * *

 **A/N - "You're My Best Friend," by Queen, was my first choice for the karaoke scene, but thecatfromaliceinwonderland mentioned "For Good" from "Wicked" in one of her reviews (Thanks!), and it just fits the story perfectly, don't you think? I thought that song would be great for the final chapter, but I can't see having them do karaoke again, so I added it in here... :)**

 **(And, yes, this story was supposed to end with the end of February, but it's going into overtime. There are still a couple of loose ends to tie up. Thanks for understanding!)**


	30. Saying Good-Bye

Paige wove her way through the small but crowded dining area, finally managing to find an open table. She stood, twisting the cap off of her bottle of water, and waved to her running partner, who was still waiting for her bagel to come out of the toaster. It was still early, not yet 6:00, but the small shop was already crowded with the regulars who stopped in to refuel between their morning run and their morning commute.

Lisa made it to the table after a bit, smiling as she sat down.

With the summer nearing its end, Lisa had begun meeting with her assistants to prepare for the upcoming season and evaluate the talent they would be taking to competitions with them. Paige hadn't really kept up with the team, but she had some familiarity with that year's seniors, who were sophomores when she knew them at Ravenswood. She smiled at hearing some of their names, in pride for some; in surprise for others as Lisa filled her in on their progress.

"I think we have a good shot at making it twice in a row against Rosewood this year," Lisa said, upbeat - adding, "but I guess your loyalties are divided, now."

"Not at all," Paige replied. "I'm fully, 100% behind the Stanford Cardinal!" She gave Lisa a wink, and Lisa smiled, patting her hand.

Lisa asked about swimming for Stanford, and Paige filled her in on the team, the facilities, and the coaches. Nick had kept Lisa updated with Paige's success over the course of her freshman year. Paige was looking forward to building on that success in her sophomore year. She explained that she and Emily had talked about getting an apartment together off campus, but Coach Meehan had asked them to stay in the athletic dorms, to help mentor some of the incoming freshman.

"It's good that he recognizes your leadership ability," Lisa observed. "Are you going to be up for the captain's spot next year?"

Paige tilted her head. "I wouldn't mind being co-captain with Emily," she said after a moment of thought. "She brings some things to the table that I lack." Lisa quirked an eyebrow, not sure what Paige was referring to. "There are a lot of ways to motivate people - as you know," Paige explained. "Emily's better at instilling that team mentality, you know? - I may be able to motivate people to give it their all, but Emily's good at getting everyone to pull together as a team." Paige relaxed against the back of her chair, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "But, even if I'm not voted into one of the captain slots, that's fine."

Lisa smiled at the progress that Paige had made. "It's a sign of maturity to be able to recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and to be okay with your weaknesses."

* * *

Lisa heard her phone buzzing in her bag, and she smiled when she pulled it out and read the message. "Your dad says hi," she told Paige. Nick was checking in, as he always did, to confirm that he had made it to the office safely.

During Paige's days at Ravenswood High, Nick had telecommuted, working from home so that he would be there in the mornings for breakfast with Paige, and to see her off to school. During her senior year, he had gradually transitioned to working at his firm's office, making the long drive to Philadelphia two or three days a week.

"How did you two get together?" Paige had always wondered about the details, but only since she came to terms with their relationship, during the week at the cabin, was she able to ask out of curiosity rather than judgment.

Lisa leaned back in her seat and sighed contentedly. Paige could read the love in her facial expression.

She told Paige about the time, when he came to pick Paige up from practice, that Nick asked for a meeting with her. "I was used to meetings with helicopter parents, complaining that I wasn't giving their kids enough attention - or that I was pushing them too hard, so I had my guard up. I was surprised when he told me that he wanted to thank me; that you didn't have a lot of strong women in your life, and that he appreciated the investment that I was making in you, as a person - not just a means to a championship. It was disarming. I could see how much he loved you, and it was refreshing."

Paige looked down, a bit saddened by that statement. She wished that she had been able to see how much her father loved her back then.

"He also looked... so very tired. I asked him whether he wanted to get a coffee, and..." Lisa looked off into space, smiling wistfully and shaking her head. "I wasn't expecting anything except a friendship, but he just... swept me off my feet. Not that he was trying. He was just - charming. He's a charmer."

Paige chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I can see that."

Lisa reached for Paige's hand. "We never planned to start a relationship. We just kid of woke up one day and realized... - I mean, not _literally_ woke up, Paige! Oh, God! I mean, I wasn't... We weren't sneaking off behind your back!"

"It's okay." Paige gave Lisa a weak smile, to let her know that she believed her.

Lisa looked deep into Paige's eyes, her expression sincere. "I'm really sorry about the way that we handled things."

Paige nodded. "It's fine. I understand. And you're good for my dad. I'm glad that he has someone. I'm glad that he has you."

Lisa smiled, able to relax a little. "He's good for me, too."

"My Dad was right when he said that I needed strong women as role models in my life. I always looked up to you that way at Ravenswood," Paige admitted. "And I always appreciated the way that you looked out for me - for all of the team. And I'm really glad that our relationship doesn't have to end."

Lisa stood up to give Paige a hug. "I'm glad for that, too, Paige. Thanks for saying that."

* * *

Paige showered and got busy packing up for the drive to Texas and, from there, back to Stanford. A little after noon, Lisa dropped her off at Emily's house, stopping to greet Pam and Emily before she headed back to Ravenswood and more meetings with her staff.

Paige's eyes went wide when she saw the array of food spread out on the table. "How many people are you expecting?"

Pam scrunched her face. "I guess we went a little overboard."

Pam and Emily were enjoying themselves in the kitchen. They knew that, even though it wouldn't be their last time cooking together, it would never be quite the same. Emily was moving unabated toward full adulthood and independence, and into other relationships. It was a natural progression, and Pam was pleased to see it. Still, it was hard - on both of them.

It made it easier on Pam to know that her daughter with someone who cared deeply for her, loved her dearly, and was fully invested in her. Someone who was, to Emily, as Wayne was to Pam. She squeezed Emily's chin and gave her cheek a kiss. She had been doing that over and over that morning. Emily rolled her eyes at Paige, but, in reality, she enjoyed the attention from her mother. As much as she wanted to move on into grown-up life and relationships, she wasn't ready to let go of her relationship with her mom just yet.

* * *

After lunch, Paige helped get the leftovers into containers and took them, in Pam's car, back to her house in Ravenswood. She hadn't planned on going back there, but no one was going to be around pam's house for several months, and there was no sense letting good food go to waste. Paige also got the sense that Pam and Emily would want some more time with each other before they headed to the airport.

Pam put her arm around Emily's shoulder as they sat on the couch. "We might not have many more days in this old house," she said with a sigh, taking a look around the room. "Except to pack everything up."

"So, you're going to stay in Texas?"

"I don't know, Emmy. But your father's near retirement, and..." Pam sighed. "Well, I guess we've got some decisions to make."

Emily leaned in, resting her head on her mother's chest. They had a lot of history in that house, and a lot of memories. "It's going to be hard letting this place go," Emily mused.

Pam rubbed her shoulder, kissing the top of her head. "That's what life is," she said, "Letting go; moving on." But she knew what Emily was talking about, though, because she, herself, was struggling with letting go. "Pretty soon, you'll be moving on, starting your own family."

Emily sighed. "I guess so. I guess I just assumed that I'd still be coming back here, you know? Showing my kids where I grew up; watching them fight over the window seat; showing them the marks from my growth chart against the wall."

Pam's ears perked up at the mention of grandchildren. "Have you and Paige talked about starting a family?"

Emily gasped, sitting up from her mother's grasp. "Mom!" she was shaking her head in disbelief. "We haven't even been dating for a year! And we're still in college!"

"You didn't answer my question, Emmy."

Emily smiled shyly. "Sort of..." She shrank, embarrassed, back into her mother's arms. "We both want to have kids, someday. But we haven't ever talked about..."

"I know, Emily." Pam rubbed Emily's arm with a sigh. "It's too soon."

Emily smiled.

"What?"

"Nothing... It's just that we never talked like this about any of my other girlfriends."

Pam shrugged. "Well, those were high school relationships, Emmy. Paige is your first adult relationship. Maybe your last."

Emily smiled to herself. Definitely her last, if she had anything to say about it.

* * *

By the time Paige made it back from her unscheduled trip to Ravenswood, they had to rush to pack everything up and get on the road to Philly. Fortunately, traffic into the city was light, and they made it to the airport with time to spare, without having to violate any speed limits.

Paige pulled Pam's luggage out of the trunk, and Emily lugged it over to the curb while Pam said good-bye to Paige. She gave Paige a hug, getting up on her tiptoes to kiss her cheek. "You're good to my daughter," she said, "and I appreciate that. I'm looking forward to getting to know you - and your dad, and Lisa - over the years." Paige thanked her and wished her a safe flight. She climbed back into the car, giving Emily a wave before she started circling the airport as Emily went inside to wait in the check-in line with Pam.

Pam was going through a mental inventory, making sure that she had turned everything off and locked all the doors.

"Mom," Emily reminded her, "we're staying there tonight! We'll make sure that everything's taken care of before we hit the road."

"Oh, that's right," Pam said, relaxing for an instant before she poked her finger in Emily's face. "Now, remember: You stay in your room, and Paige stays in the guest room!" She relaxed into a smile when Emily rolled her eyes. Pam knew that, even if they honored her rules that night, they would soon be sharing hotel rooms, and then their room in the dorms on campus. She sighed. "Just promise me you won't do your thing in my bed."

 _Our thing?_ Emily smiled to herself. "I can definitely promise you that," she said, patting her mother's shoulder. "Or, if we do, we'll wash the sheets!" Pam smacked her on the shoulder, she couldn't help laughing.

* * *

Paige and Emily picked up dinner on the drive back from the airport to Emily's house. They ate on the couch in front of the TV, not really watching what was on. Emily spent most of the meal with her left arm on Paige's thigh, holding her plate in her left hand, digging into it with the fork that she had in her right hand.

Paige was wearing a contented smile. "This is nice," she remarked, and Emily, wiping her face, looked up to see what Paige was referring to. "Sitting here, like this. I like being physically connected to you."

Emily touched Paige's cheek. "You're so sweet."

After they put all the take-out containers and the paper plates in the trash and out to the curb for pick-up, they headed up the stairs to Emily's room. Paige trailed behind Emily. There was something about watching Emily walk away.

When they got to Emily's room, she took Paige's hand and led her to the window seat. She sat behind Paige and held her as they looked off into the night sky. They weren't really talking. They were just enjoying the beauty of the late summer night and the feeling of being together, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Emily was idly stroking the warm skin of Paige's stomach, and Paige cooed in delight. "That feels good," Paige whispered.

" _These_ feel good," Emily replied, letting her fingertips enjoy each ripple in Paige's abdomen. "And these are good, too," she added, moving her hands over the contour of Paige's waist and up to her rib cage.

But they had to get up early in the morning, so they slowly made their way out of the window seat, into some clothes that they could sleep in, and into Emily's bed.

They fell asleep the way they usually did, tucked in tight against each other, as Emily clutched Paige's hand close to her heart.


	31. To Texas

Having made the drive west before, Paige and Emily remembered approximately how far they would be able to go before they had to stop for the night. As they waited at the front desk of the same hotel where they had spent their first night together, they eyed each other with knowing smiles, each thinking that getting stuck with a room with only one queen-sized bed wouldn't be such a bad thing, this time.

Paige slid the key card in the door and looked back at Emily. "Here goes nothing!"

She dropped the bags and her shoulders slumped when she saw what was on the other side of the door. "Damn it!"

Emily, standing behind her, put her arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder, telling her that it wouldn't be so bad. Then, when she saw that Paige had been bluffing, and that the room had two queen beds, she smacked her sharply on the ass.

"Hey!" Paige protested.

"Oh, don't pretend that you don't like it!"

Paige's mind took her back to the first time that Emily had taken her from behind. Emily had learned Paige pretty well by then, and she was able to tell, from the cues that Paige was giving, that precise moment when she was teetering on the brink. At the precise moment, she smacked Paige sharply on her left flank. It was a shock, initially, and then a jolt; a blinding burst of electricity that sent her climax to the next level.

"Oh yeah," Paige replied with a guilty smirk, "I admit it."

They were kissing before they were fully inside the room. As Paige kicked the door closed, they were desperately helping each other out of their tops.

"I have to pee," Emily announced abruptly, breaking the kiss and dashing into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Paige laughed to herself and patted her hands against her cheeks with a deep exhale. She sat on the bed and unlaced her shoes. After a bit, she heard a flush, followed by the sound of running water. "Ooh, Paige!" Emily's voice was upbeat and eager. "Come check out this shower head!"

Paige rushed into the bathroom where she found Emily, in all her bronzed, naked splendor, showing off her summer tan lines as she leaned into the shower with one hand under the spray. When she heard Paige behind her, she turned around, giggling like an excited child. "Look," she said, demonstrating the different settings, "they upgraded it!" Paige nodded her head obligingly, but the shower wasn't even close to being the most interesting thing in the room.

"Get naked!" The excitement was evident in Emily's voice as she proceeded to help get Paige naked, giggling in surprise when she saw how ready Paige was. "Come take a shower with me," she said innocently, pulling Paige by the hand under the warm flow.

The shower head was was on a detachable hose, and Emily unhooked it and directed the water over Paige's chest. "Look: You can have stream, or pulsating, or rain, or massage," she announced, going through the settings. She aimed the flow a little lower, biting her lip seductively. Paige moaned helplessly. "See? This is what we should've done the first time we stayed here! We should've taken a shower together!" Emily let out a mischievous laugh.

"Don't tease," Paige said weakly.

"Oh, Paige! What did you really think was going to happen in here?" As Emily asked, she slipped her hand between Paige's legs, and Paige found it hard to stand up straight. She squeezed her thighs around Emily's fingers like a vise.

It had started the night before, reclining in the window seat, looking at the stars as Emily gently caressed her midsection. It continued in the morning, when she woke with Emily clutching their hands tight against her chest in her sleep. It was the feeling of belonging together; of being one; of having been forged together by everything that they had been through, from the bad old days up to that very moment.

Throughout the entire drive, the only thing that Paige had been able to think about was being behind closed doors with Emily. And now, it was happening, and Emily was in a playful mood, splashing around naked in the shower with her, as innocent and unaffected as if they were two children splashing around in a kiddie pool.

Paige was having a hard time believing her life. She suddenly got serious. She took the shower head from Emily and hung it back in its holster. She spun Emily around, and pulled herself close, grinding against Emily's ass as her fingers danced delicately between Emily's thighs. Emily braced herself against the back of the shower with one arm. The other arm reached behind her, and she squeezed Paige's ass, moaning Paige's name. "Harder," she begged, and Paige turned her around and obliged. Emily put a leg up on the tub. As the water gushed past the open curtain and onto the floor, Emily's body writhed into Paige, meeting her thrust for thrust. When she came with a shudder, she collapsed into Paige, holding each other until the hot water ran out.

Paige turned the water off and reached for a towel from the rack. She wrapped it around them and stood huddled with Emily for a moment. She pulled down another towel, which she used to dry Emily's hair as Emily clung to the first towel, to keep warm. She looked up guiltily at Paige. "You're cold."

Paige shook her head, concentrating on getting Emily dried off. "No. It feels refreshing."

Paige helped Emily out of the tub, eyeing the puddle on the tiling beneath them with a tinge of guilt. They hadn't paid attention to the mess they were making. They were too far gone.

They didn't bother to get dressed as they lay together on the bed. Paige was lying on her back, and Emily was curled up next to her, enjoying the lazy paths that Paige's hand was taking up and down her back. They weren't talking; they were both simply there, together in the moment.

Paige was drifting off to sleep when she felt Emily slip out of her arms and off of the bed. She assumed that Emily was heading to the bathroom until she heard the mattress on the other bed creaking. Repeatedly. She popped an eye open and broke into a laugh. "What are you doing?"

"I've always wanted to do this!"

"Bounce naked on a hotel bed?"

"Just bounce on a bed," Emily said between breaths. "My Mom would never let me!"

Paige had in mind some other things that Pam Fields wouldn't approve of.

"Come bounce with me!"

Paige's expression shifted to a devilish grin. _I'll bounce with you!_ She climbed onto the bed and put her hands on Emily's shoulders, to stop her movement. Leaning in, she gave her a searing kiss. When she pulled away, with a look of "So there!" Emily pushed her down by the shoulders and bounced on top of her on the bed. Paige tried to roll her over, but Emily was determined. "Uh uh! Your turn, remember?"

* * *

Paige let out a laugh and then a sigh, looking at her phone. "Oh, please!" she scoffed and began typing away.

Emily took her eyes off the road for a moment to ask what was going on.

"Spencer just texted me her 5K times, from every checkpoint."

Emily let out a frustrated groan and shook her head. "And you're eagerly congratulating her, wishing her all the best as she trains, right?"

"Yeah, right!" Paige laughed out loud.

Emily sighed. "You know..."

"What?"

Emily waved her hand. "Forget it. Nothing."

"Emily..."

Emily huffed, glancing over at Paige again. "I used to worry that you and Spencer would kill each other. Like, in a knife fight, or with dueling pistols, or something. Now, though... I'm worried that you guys will compete yourselves to death. You'll give each other heart attacks trying to prove who's the fastest - or the strongest - or who has the most endurance."

Paige rolled her eyes, shaking her head dismissively. "Whatever!"

Paige went back for a couple more rounds of her phone war with Spencer before she returned her phone to her back pocket.

"Hey, Em?"

"Yeah?"

"My heart attack would be bigger!"

Emily, shocked, pinched Paige's thigh. "Don't even joke about that, Paige!"

* * *

Paige arranged it so that she was in the driver's seat for the last leg of the trip to Texas. She knew that Emily would be eager to jump out of the car and greet her father as soon as they got to his apartment building. As they got closer to the neighborhood, Paige's suspicions were confirmed. Emily was abuzz with nervous energy. Her knee was bouncing up and down, and she was even more touchy than usual.

As they rounded the corner and pulled up to the building, they caught sight of Wayne, standing in front of the doorway with his arms folded. He broke into a smile as soon as he recognized Paige's car. Before Paige could say, "Go ahead; I'll park the car," Emily gave her a big smile and opened the door, running across the lawn and leaping into her father's arms.

Paige wished that she had thought to have her phone out and ready to record their reunion. The hug was long enough that she still had plenty of time to get a picture before they separated. Emily clung tight to her father. She didn't want to let go. She realized that she had started to cry.

The last time that she had seen her father, she was distracted by her on-going feud with Paige on their first drive out to Stanford. This time was different. Everything was falling into place for her. The only thing missing was her dad, and in that moment, he was right there holding her, larger than life.

Paige parked the car and gathered the bags from the trunk and the back seat, trying to sneak past Wayne and Emily to get to the elevators, so as not to interrupt their moment. "Here, let me get those!" Wayne made a grab for one of the bags as Paige neared, but she waved him off. Emily pulled away from her father's arms and reached for some of the bags. She was happy to be there with two of the people who meant the most of anybody in the world to her.

* * *

Paige couldn't believe her eyes when she walked through the door that Wayne was holding open and got a look at the layout on the other side. It was a massive cowboy bar - with emphasis on "cow." There were steer heads and longhorns mounted everywhere, and an abundance of cowboy boots and hats on the patrons and staff. The place was authentic, down to the peanut shells on the floor and well-worn mechanical bull in the corner. It wasn't like the chain restaurants that Paige was used to, which tried to simulate a Texas road house. This was the real deal.

Emily and Pam eyed each other cautiously. Pam looked up at her husband, silently asking, "Are you sure we're in the right place?"

Wayne strode in confidently, as he did wherever he went, pausing along the long walk to their table so that he could shake hands and exchange pleasantries with some of the soldiers and civilians who worked with him on base. Emily smiled, squeezing Paige's arm, when she overheard Wayne say the words, "daughter," "girlfriend," and "Stanford" at one of the tables.

Even though country music wasn't Paige's favorite, her head was bobbing and she was smiling at the line of servers who had suspended their table-waiting duties and were performing what she assumed was a two-step in front of the bar.

"So, what's good here?" Emily asked, leaning in so that she could be heard over the music.

"They have a prime rib the size of your head," Wayne replied, spreading his hands out considerably wider than her head. "It'll melt in your mouth!"

Emily looked over to Paige, nodding in approval.

"I think I'll just have a salad," Paige deadpanned. Wayne recoiled until Emily jabbed Paige with her elbow, letting on that she was just joking.

* * *

After Wayne settled the check, he stood, offering his hand to Pam. "Come on, Hon. What do you say we work off some of those calories?"

Paige watched with satisfaction as they headed over to the dance floor. She was impressed with the way that they moved together. She turned back to Emily, to tell her that she could only wish for the ability to move that way, only to be met by Emily's expectant eyes.

"Emily," she pleaded, "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

"That's okay," Emily said as she stood, holding out her hand in much the same way that her father had to Pam. "We can just fake it!" Paige stood, smiling nervously, so Emily added, "They're bound to play a slow song sooner or later."

Emily seemed like a natural on the dance floor. Paige was visibly struggling to adapt dancing as she knew it to the style of music that was being played. "Oh, okay," Emily said patiently, holding both of Paige's hands and walking her through some steps. "Here, like this..."

Paige could have been humiliated, but she chose to enjoy the shared experience with Emily - and with Emily's parents.

Emily noticed that. She smiled lovingly at Paige, and Paige asked what was up. "Nothing," Emily said. "I was just thinking how Old Paige would've handled this."

"Yeah, Old Paige didn't handle correction very well, did she?" Paige laughed at the thought, and Emily gave her a kiss, delighted that she was there with New Paige.

After a few minutes, Paige started to get a couple of steps, and almost felt that she was holding her own. And, a few minutes after that, as Emily predicted, they played a slow song, and Paige felt at home, audibly sighing in relief. That relief only lasted until Wayne and Pam danced closer to them, and Wayne pointed two fingers at his eyes, twisting his wrist to point those fingers toward Paige, to let her know that he had his eyes on her. Paige rushed to create some space between herself and his daughter. Emily raised her head from Paige's shoulder, opening her eyes, confused. When she saw Wayne looking menacingly at Paige, she glared at him, and he broke into a grin. Emily put her head back on Paige's shoulder and pulled herself in close again.

* * *

Pam took a set of sheets and a pillow out to the couch and made it up for Emily. Paige and Emily sat in the loveseat for a while, reviewing the highlights of the evening and enjoying the opportunity to be together for as long as they could before they had to go to their separate sleeping spaces.

"We should go dancing more."

"I love dancing with you." Paige chuckled, as her brain mulled over a memory. "Remember the first time we danced? In the dorm? Because we knew what might happen if we went back to kissing?" Paige leaned in, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Yeah." Emily stood up. When Paige stood to join her, Emily threw her arms over Paige's shoulder. "You'd better dance with me. Quickly."

Paige put her arms around Emily and they swayed to music playing only in their heads, as they had that first time.

"Tighter," Emily whispered, and Paige smiled, only too happy to recreate the moment.


	32. YOYO

Emily sighed as she put the car into park. She quickly checked her hair in the mirror before she flipped the visor up and let her hands fall into her lap. Turning to the passenger seat, she said, "Now, Paige. We're not going to have a scene, are we? You have no reason to be jealous."

Paige rolled her eyes, and Emily dropped her serious act, bursting into laughter. "Thanks for coming with me, Paige," she said with a touch to Paige's cheek.

Emily was looking forward to visiting her old summer swim camp. She was nostalgic at the thought of seeing the old cabins and swimming facilities again. She was looking forward to showing Paige a little bit of her history. And she was really looking forward to showing off her girlfriend to a certain former counselor.

Samara Baker had never ventured far from home. Going into her senior year at the University of Texas, she was no longer a counselor. She had graduated to coaching intern. To Emily, seeing her was kind of like seeing her big sister. Paige had met her friends and her parents. It was now time for her to meet her ex.

"Don't worry, Paige. Sammie may have been the first swimmer I dated, but you're the first swimmer I slept with."

"Ha ha ha," Paige droned. "And this is where I'm supposed to say, 'I don't need to be your first, Emily. As long as I'm your last.'?" Paige affected a faux-romantic voice, batting her eyes.

Emily gave her a kiss. "You'll definitely be my last." Emily paused to let her words sink in before she continued, swiping her index finger across Paige's nose, "Believe me, I've learned better than to date another swimmer!"

Emily enjoyed being able to tease Paige, but there was more to it than that. She wanted to keep things light. She knew that Paige wouldn't be jealous of or threatened by Samara, but Paige had a tendency to get competitive around new people, as if she needed to prove her worth relative to theirs. Emily had learned that teasing Paige was a more effective way to address her insecurities than attempting to reassure her.

* * *

Emily and Paige checked in with the camp director, and Emily led Paige on a quick tour of the grounds while they waited for Samara to finish the morning session.

"Did you tell her about me?" Paige whispered as they waited in the stands.

"Of course! I couldn't wait to brag about my hot girlfriend."

"No." Paige looked down. "I meant before we dated, did you tell her about me? - Like, when you ran off to Texas to get away from me." Emily shook her head. "Or when you saw her at Stanford."

"No," Emily said, threading her fingers in Paige's hair. "I would never, Paige."

"I know," Paige said, still not meeting Emily's eyes. It still hurt her to think of who she was in those days.

"She asked me about my roommate, and I told her that it was rough training with you, because you were so hardcore. But I didn't go around talking shit about you." Emily ducked her head to Paige's level and gave Paige a kiss to reassure her. "Ever."

"All right, you two, break it up! This is a family camp!"

Emily jumped to her feet at those words and embraced Samara. The hug was long and full of emotion, and, when it was over, Samara said, "It's good to meet you, Paige," and hugged her just as hard. As they stepped apart, Samara gave Paige's arm a squeeze and pointed between the two of them. "I knew it was just a matter of time before you two got together!"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"I could tell," Samara asserted. "I could tell by the glare that Paige gave me when you and I were talking." Paige face-palmed. "Not to mention," Samara added, gesturing with her hands, "the way she walked right into that pole!" Paige turned to Emily, burying her face in her shoulder. "Oh, it's okay, Hon!" Samara squeezed Paige's shoulder. "I'm sure Emily has girls walking into poles all the time!"

Paige stepped back and stood next to Emily again, thinking about what Samara said about the glaring. _Was I really that obvious?_

Emily took Paige's hand. _Was I really that oblivious?_

"So, are you guys hungry?"

"Actually, Paige is going to meet us for ice cream after lunch. She's actually having lunch with my parents." Emily furrowed her brow as she said it, shaking her head as if she couldn't figure out why Paige would sign up for that job.

It had been Paige's idea. She thought that Emily and Samara needed some time to themselves to catch up before the three of them got together.

"Okay," Samara said, "I'm just going to put some stuff away and I'll meet you by the locker room?"

* * *

Emily kept looking sideways at Paige and smiling as she walked her to the car.

"All right, Em. Just say it. Get it out of your system."

"You walked into a pole?" Emily broke into giggles.

"Yeah, whatever!" Paige was trying to look offended, but she couldn't stop smiling. "It's not as if you've never walked into a pole before!"

* * *

Pam kept lunch light; just some sandwiches and vegetables. She knew that Paige didn't have much time, since she was going to have to pick up Samara and Emily for ice cream after the two finished their lunch. Pam would have an opportunity to showcase her cooking skills at the dinner that she and Emily were going to cook that evening. As she set a plate in front of Paige she asked, "Do you do much cooking, Paige?"

"I'm pretty handy with a microwave!" Paige smiled as she explained that her father's schedule didn't allow for many home cooked meals. "He had his hands full juggling his job and my practices, and taking care of the house."

"Well, I hear you know your way around a barbecue pit," Wayne offered with a wink.

"If this is about the fact that I like my steak a little rare…"

"Hey!" Wayne threw his hands up. "No objections here!"

"Ugh! Objection!" Pam slapped Wayne on the shoulder. "You _know_ what Dr. Kingston said!"

Wayne rubbed his wife's shoulder, with a smile of reassurance. He was listening to the doctors and taking care of his heart. "I'm not going anywhere, Pam, trust me. I'm going to see my daughter's graduation." With a wink and an elbow to Paige, he added, "And her wedding."

Paige raised a glass of water in salute to him, shaking her head. Not that she couldn't see herself marrying his daughter. It was just way too soon for that kind of talk.

* * *

After Samara finished telling Emily all about the girl she was seeing at UT, she asked Emily about Paige. Emily told her about their rivalry in high school and how they slowly let their walls down, after they started rooming together. She left out a lot of details about the old Paige. They weren't the most interesting part of their story, she had come to realize. Plus, she didn't really like to think about the way that Paige used to be.

"You really love her, don't you?"

Emily sighed contentedly, tilting her head back to think it over. "Yeah, I do."

Samara nodded. "And she really loves you. I can tell."

Emily smiled shyly, although she, too, could tell that Paige really loved her. "Really?"

Samara squeezed Emily's hand. "Really. So, I know this is too soon, but do you see this ending in a wedding?"

Emily laughed, a full, good-natured laugh, at the thought. "I don't see it ending at all!"

* * *

"So, were your ears burning?" Paige looked at Samara, confused at the question. "We've been talking about you for the past hour. I tried to change the subject, but your girlfriend, here, can't shut up about you!"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Please. Don't feed her ego. Her head's already so big that she has a hard time getting into a turtleneck!"

Paige put her hands over her heart and opened her mouth in mock-shock that Emily would call her conceited.

"So, where's this ice cream place I've been hearing so much about?"

Emily was practically dragging Paige through the door, once they got there. On the other side of the door, Emily took a big whiff. "Mmmmm! Don't you love the smell of ice cream?" She was smiling brightly at Paige, hoping to see the same level of excitement in Paige's eyes.

"It smells amazing, Em," Paige said, pausing to give Emily a kiss. Emily pulled her by the arm up to the front counter and they held hands as they surveyed the large selection of flavors.

Samara stood back a little, watching the sheer delight in Emily's demeanor. It wasn't the ice cream place that had Emily so excited; it was the opportunity to share cherished memory with someone whom she loved. Samara remembered the time when, after a little begging, she had convinced Emily to go for a date with her to the ice cream shop. She was proud of how much Emily had grown since then – even if she, herself had nothing to do with Emily's growth. Seeing Emily happy with herself and in love with her girlfriend was truly satisfying.

Emily turned around and scanned the room, looking for Samara. "Aren't you going to get anything?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I just got lost in thought for a second."

Once they settled into the booth, Samara on one side of the table, Paige and Emily on the other, Samara wanted a picture. With an "Aww," she turned her phone around to show Emily.

"Aw – it's cute!" Emily took Samara's hand, angling it to point the phone so that Paige could see. "We're so cute," Emily said as she kissed Paige.

Before they left the shop, they got a picture of the three of them. Emily stood in the middle, embracing her past on one side and her future on the other.

* * *

As Paige and Emily sat in the cushioned leather chairs facing Wayne's large, wooden desk, Paige's eyes took in all of the paraphernalia in the room around them: the awards and citations, the pictures, the flags, the wooden sculptures, the motivational quotes. The room had a very imposing feel about it, and it had Paige and Emily sitting at attention without even realizing that they were.

Wayne leaned back in his massive leather chair. "So, what did you think of the tour?" Wayne had a young captain, his adjutant, show Paige and Emily around the grounds before dropping them off at his office.

"Very impressive," Paige said. Emily, who had seen her share of army bases, nodded in agreement.

"Did he sign you up?" Wayne asked with a wink and a smile. Emily rolled her eyes at Paige.

Wayne scooted his chair forward, folding his hands on the desk in front of him. "Before you guys set off for California, I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to give it some serious thought as you travel. It's just one word, four letters: YOYO"

Emily looked at Paige, smiling knowingly at her father's ineptitude when it came to keeping up with contemporary terms.

"I've seen that look," Wayne said, pointing his finger at her. "My soldiers give it to each other when I say that to them. Now, I know that you kids say, 'YOLO,' you only live once. But, you see, it's more than that. You're only _young_ once. You can throw away money, you can throw away food, you can throw away relationships, and those things are all recoverable. You can always find a way to make more money, get more food, meet somebody new. But, you only get one shot at being young. If you throw away your twenties, you'll never get them back again.

"Don't waste your youth being too afraid to go after your dreams, or holding on to anger and bitterness over what someone said or did - or didn't say or didn't do. Because, before you know it, you're going to be my age, looking back on your life. And you don't want to look back and think, 'if only.'

"Aim high. You may not hit all of your goals, but at least you'll be able to look back in pride, knowing that you gave it your best shot."

Paige and Emily sat in stunned silence until Wayne stood up. "I'm so proud of you both," he said, giving them each a hug. With a hand on Emily's shoulder, he turned her toward the door, looking back with his other arm extended to invite Paige to follow as they headed out to his car, to pick up their luggage and Pam, and head out to pick up the rental car that would take Paige and Emily the rest of the way.

* * *

As they reached the homestretch, crossing the border from Nevada into California, the long trip was starting to wear on them. They could feel themselves getting crankier by the moment, but they pressed on, taking turns sleeping while the other drove, just to get the trip over and done with.

Emily woke up as Paige pulled the car into a twenty-four hour restaurant. "Where are we?" she asked sleepily.

"Breakfast," Paige droned.

Emily trolled out of the car and stretched, feeling the pop in her spine. "Next time, we're flying. Or stopping more often."

Paige was trying to stay upbeat. Pushing through to the final stretch had been her idea, after all. She wanted to take Emily's hand, but Emily had her arms hugged tight around herself, so Paige just kept her hands in her pockets as they walked up to the entrance.

Emily perked up a little at the smell of coffee. They settled into a booth and sat silently looking over their menus.

Emily's eyes were glued to Paige once their server, Tina, finally made it over to their booth. More specifically, her eyes were glued to Paige's shoulder – to that one spot on her shoulder which Tina couldn't seem to stop laying her hand on. When Tina stepped away to give them a moment to look over their menus, Emily rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and moved her focus to the menu that lay flat on the table in front of her.

Paige looked up from her own menu after a moment of silence. "What's wrong, Em?"

Emily glared at her.

"What, the server? She's just being friendly, Emily. She's probably just angling for a tip."

"Yeah, I've got a tip for her." Emily's voice was a low growl. "Keep your grubby little fingers off of my girlfriend!" Without realizing that she was doing it, Emily stretched her fingers in front of her as she said this, as if her subconscious wanted to make sure that Paige didn't forget how much better her fingers were for her than Tina's.

Paige laughed, and Emily gave her another glare, definitely not joking.

"Oh, come on, Em." Emily tilted her head. "You can't possibly think that I would be even remotely interested in her?" Paige was flailing her arms, to convey the folly of that thought.

"Whether or not you're interested, I don't need Tina McFlirts-a-lot, with the fake" – Emily held her hands in front of her chest – "and the way-too-much eyeliner, getting all handsy on my girlfriend." She cocked her head, throwing her palms up on the table. "Right in front of me."

Paige smiled, squeezing Emily's hand. "Don't take it too seriously, Emily."

Emily jerked her hand away, despite herself.

When Tina returned, her pen and pad at the ready, Emily, staring down into her menu, rattled off her order: "I'll have the egg white omelet with wheat toast, home fries, and a small tomato juice, and if you put your hands on my girlfriend one more time," she said, tilting her head to the side as she looked up at Tina, "you'll be having the black eye." Emily settled back against her seat.

"Excuse me?" The words came out with a slight stutter.

"Oh, I think you heard me loud and clear, _Tina_ ," Emily said sweetly, giving Tina a wink as she handed her menu back with a warning smile.

"I'll… um… have the same," Paige said, having totally forgotten what she had been planning to order, and wanting to get Tina out of there before the situation went any further downhill.

"Hmm. It must've been time for Tina's break," Emily remarked casually when a different server came out with their food order.

* * *

Paige and Emily made it back to campus and got settled into their room in the athletic dorms. They weren't looking forward to having to push the beds together for another year, but they were glad to follow Coach Meehan's recommendation, staying in the dorms where they would be on-hand to mentor the incoming freshmen. They met with him the following day. He reinforced the things that he had told them at the end of the previous season, acknowledging their strong contributions to the team's success in their freshman year, and encouraging them to work harder, keeping in mind that this was their time to step up as leaders in the locker room. "And, while we're on that subject…" He reached for two folders from the in-box on the corner of his desk, showing them the bios of two freshmen swimmers who had come from rival high schools in Illinois. "Take some time to get to know them," he urged. "They can benefit from the lessons that you two learned on how to go from rivals to teammates."

Paige and Emily smiled knowingly at each other.

"I'm not saying they have to take it to its logical extreme, the way that you did," he said, standing to signify that the meeting was over, "but if they have anything approaching the kind of success that the two of you have had, you won't hear me complaining!"

* * *

 **A/N - I can't thank you enough for coming along with me on this journey. I'm particularly grateful to all of you who took the time to share your thoughts with me. Special thanks to those who reviewed every chapter.**

 **And, of course, big thanks, again, to** **Pll12paily** **and thecatfromaliceinwonderland, without whose prompts there would have been no story.**

 **I honestly love you all.**

 **YOYO.  
**


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